Compiled News 10-14-05

A lot of news today, most of it from the powerhouse AICN, but a few from the usual scattered sources.

MTV BUYS iFILM, SHITS ON ANOTHER GOOD IDEA

RICH NAKED DRUNKEN TALENTLESS PORNSTAR FIRED BY FOX, WANTS TO SING!

DANIEL CRAIG IS JAMES BOND...SO JUDE LAW BETTER WATCH HIS WHORE MOUTH

CRAZY AMOUNTS OF DVD SETS HIT FOR $20... GET ALL THE CRAP YOU ALWAYS WANTED FOR DECEMBERWEEN

HARRISON FORD WILL BE CHASING ABE LINCOLN'S GHOST

WANT AN AQUA TEEN MOVIE? JUST WAIT 'TIL MARCH TO GET YOUR MEAT IN A WAD

DANNY ELFMAN VS. SAM RAIMI IN A STEEL CAGE

SPIELBERG AND EA TO MAKE THREE GAMES, STOP MEN EVERYWHERE FROM TAKING OUT THE TRASH

CARELL TO DO HIS OWN COMIC, STILL A VIRGIN

ALBA WANTS TO BE BOND GIRL, DUNST TO STOP RUINING SPIDER-MAN FRANCHISE

PENGUINS MARCH ON DVD NOV. 29TH, BECOME AMERICA'S NEW BABYSITTER

40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN GETS LAID ON DEC. 13TH

CRUISE DOESN'T WANT A BASTARD, MAY FLEE TO MEXICO - VEGAS NOT AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT

PENN SAYS UNDERWATER MAGIC SHOW IS A GO, TELLER DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING

LES PAUL RELEASES ALBUM, CAN'T FIND A GOOD GUITAR

CLAPTON WRITING MEMOIRS, EXPECT PROSE ABOUT HOW WONDERFUL YOU LOOK TONIGHT

STEVIE WONDER RELEASES NEW ALBUM, STILL CAN'T SEE

McCARTNEY'S NEW ALBUM TOUCHES ON WIFE'S DEATH, NEW WIFE'S LEG

That's about all I can take at the moment.

Keep on keepin' on,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep