Compiled News 12-15-05

Good morning, campers.

Here's the news:

"GHOST RIDER" PUSHED BACK TO FEB. 2007...NIC CAGE STILL ON FIRE.

MISS THOSE HI-RES PICS OF THE MUTANTS FROM BEFORE? HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A GIFTED YOUNGSTER.

HERE'S THE POSTER FOR M. NIGHT'S "LADY IN THE WATER"...KEEP HER AWAY FROM ELECTRICAL OUTLETS, PLEASE.

IN CASE YOU WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES, THERE IS A SECRET WEBSITE ATTACHED TO THE END OF "THE DA VINCI CODE" TRAILER.

THE WB SLAPS UP SOME PICS OF ITS 2006 SLATE...FINALLY GET OUT THOSE PICS FROM THEIR CRAP LINE-UP...AND "THE FOUNTAIN".

CHANEL GOES FROM ONE CRACK BABY TO ANOTHER...LOHAN REPLACES MOSS!

CAROL BURNETT GIVES THE MATTRESS ONE MORE THROW.

ACCORDING TO THE NEW YORK POST, IN A BIT OF RIDICULOUS IRONY, STEVEN SPIELBERG HATES JEWS.

NEWSDAY WANTS TO KNOW IF "KING KONG" IS RACIST. IN OTHER NEWS, I SAW KING KONG ON HIS WAY TO A CLAN MEETING THE OTHER DAY, AND HE LOOKED PRETTY PLEASED WITH HIMSELF.

THE BITCH WASN'T BACK ON ELTON'S "THE RED PIANO" BECAUSE NBC THINKS NO ONE HAS SEEN PAMELA ANDERSON BE A WHORE YET.

MARVEL VS. CITY OF HEROES: THE QUICKENING.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ IS A BAD DRIVER. SERIOUSLY.

THAT'S "SIR" JIMMY PAGE TO YOU, MISTER.

DISNEY TO FINALLY ADMIT TO MAKING THE CHINESE DO ALL OF THEIR WORK.

CNN'S NANCY GRACE BETTER SHUT HER DAMN MOUTH.

NOW, AS IF DAVE CHAPPELLE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH HEADACHES...

THE BEST BAND YOU'VE NEVER HEARD, "FALL OUT BOY", BEATS THE SYSTEM. NOW, IF ONLY METALLICA HAD A DRUMMER...

BEST QUOTE FROM A CATHOLIC YOU'LL HEAR TODAY: "HATE SPEECH DRESSED IN HUMOROUS GARB IS STILL HATE SPEECH. LEARY IS OBVIOUSLY BEDEVILED BY SOME DISORDER BUT NOTHING EXCUSES THIS CRAP."

That's it, kids. My review of A SCANNER DARKLY is next.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep