Compiled News 12-09-05

Late news... I was busy trying to sell my book all day.

DREAMWORKS SELLS OUT TO PARAMOUNT FOR $1.5 BILLION. SPIELBERG CAN NOW GO BACK TO JUST AMBLIN AROUND.

MATT DAMON IS MARRIED, AND NO, IT'S NOT TO YOU...OR AFFLECK.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON COULD VERY WELL JOIN BOWIE, BATMAN & WOLVERINE IN "THE PRESTIGE", IN ORDER, OF COURSE, TO SLEEP WITH MORE OLD MEN.

TIRED OF NOT SEEING ROCKY GET HIT IN THE FACE? THIS'LL FIX THAT!

EVEN THOUGH THERE ISN'T AN UNDERWORLD 2 OUT YET, UNDERWORLD 3 IS ALREADY BEING DISCUSSED.

JET LI SAYS HE WON'T DO MARTIAL ARTS MOVIES ANYMORE. STUNTMENT EVERYWHERE HUG THEIR BALLS FOR SUPPORT.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, THE HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOWBIZ, CONTINUES HARDLY WORKING.

GUY WHO TOOK A TERRIBLE DUMP IN "DUMB & DUMBER" GETS TO BE BLIND.

NAOMI WATTS SAYS SHE SIGNED ON TO "KING KONG" WITHOUT READING THE SCRIPT...SO MUCH FOR HER NOT BEING THE SMARTEST BULB IN THE LIGHT.

SADLY SURVIVING IT, ASHLEE SIMPSON SAYS SHE DIDN'T EAT MUCH AT ALL FOR A LONG TIME.

KATE MOSS, NOBODY'S VIRGIN, TO BE IN AD FOR VIRGIN.

CHRIS ROCK WOULD RATHER CONTINUE MAKING A TRILLION BUCKS OFF OF HIS SITCOM THAN HOST THE ACADEMY AWARDS AGAIN.

THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS APPROVE OF "THE RINGER", FALL OVER WHILE RUNNING.

MEL GIBSON, DONE WITH JESUS, READY FOR HOLOCAUST MINI-SERIES.

That's it. Thanks for waiting. Go see some movies. See you on Monday.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep