Compiled News 12-07-05

Hump-day news!

WHICH MOVIES DROP THE MOST F-BOMBS? CHICKIE-CHECK THE F*CKOMETER AND SEE!

USA TODAY SHOWS US WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW ABOUT X3.

FELICITY HUFFMAN IS BETTER THAN YOU.

HERE'S JUST ABOUT EVERY MOVIE THAT EVERY STUDIO IS SHOVING OUT IN 2006...AND DID I SEE "CLERKS 2", "GRINDHOUSE" AND "SIN CITY 2"?!? ME WANTIE. NEXT YEAR COULD BE A GOOD YEAR AFTER ALL.

BOURNE AGAIN, FOR THE THIRD TIME.

THE LUCKIEST WRITER AROUND, BRETT EASTON ELLIS, GETS A FIFTH MOVIE DEAL.

ROBERT RODRIGUEZ ANSWERS THE PEOPLE'S QUESTIONS AND CONTINUES TO KICK ASS.

THEATRE OWNERS WILL NOT ONLY CONTINUE TO BOOR US TO TEARS, BUT WILL DO IT MORE OFTEN AND LONGER.

"MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III: IMPREGNATING KATIE" HAS WRAPPED.

SPEAKING OF THE ANTI-SEXUAL, NOBODY SHOULD BE GIVING HIM ANY IDEAS, EITHER.

HILARY DUFF LOVES PORNO.

BERTINELLI DIVORCING VAN HALEN...SHE'S SINGLE AGAIN....20 YEARS TOO LATE FOR ANYBODY TO CARE BUT EDDIE.

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE IS DITCHING HER MAN AS WELL. AND BY HER "MAN", I MEAN JOHNATHON SCHAECH. THAT'LL TEACH HIM TO MAKE "8MM II".

EXPECT A LITTLE ADAM SANDLER IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

JENNIFER "FREAKSHOW" ANISTON IS ASHAMED OF HER BOOBS, NOT CONFIDENT ABOUT HER CHEST HAIR OR "OUTIE" NAVAL EITHER. SEEMS OKAY ABOUT THIRD NIPPLE WITH TATTOO OF VINCE VAUGHN AROUND IT.

IN WHAT SEEMS LIKE A POOR WAY TO BOOST RECORD SALES, EMINEM IS GOING TO REMARRY HIS EX-WIFE. THEY'RE SO IN LOVE. HE SINGS ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME. NO WORD YET ON WHETHER HE'LL ALSO MARRY HIS CRACK-HEAD MOTHER.

Crack ya head! Dat's it!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep