Compiled News *Holiday Weekend* & 11-28-05
Aaaaaaaaaand we're back. Hope everybody had a great holiday weekend, except the filthy brits. Just kidding. I hope it rained for them.
It was an exciting weekend... the Hollywood parade boasted such stars as John Schneider and the bad guy from Happy Gilmore... Pat Morita died... Alias & Threshold were both shot down like slow turkeys... and life goes on toward the "other" holidays.
PAT MORITA WAXES OFF THIS MORTAL COIL. (OR: PAT MORITA CAUSES WORLD TO ALL MAKE SAME JOKE IN UNISON).
THRESHOLD GETS CANNED, DATA CRIES REAL HUMAN TEARS.
POTTER STILL KICKING EVERY OTHER MOVIES ASS, TOPS $200 MIL.
HEY JESSICA! WHY THE LONG, HORSE-LIKE FACE? OH YEAH, IT'S BECAUSE YOU AND NICK ARE FINALLY ADMITTING IT'S OVER!
THOSE SLIPPERS ARE DYNAMITE!
MEL GIBSON DONATES FAKE PYRAMIDS TO MEXICANS, MEXICANS CAN'T TELL DIFFERENCE.
PETER BRADY TO GET MARRIED TO VAPID REDNECK ON T.V., OR AS THE NETWORK LIKES TO CALL IT: "MY FAIR BRADY - SEASON 2".
IN A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT, EMINEM WENT TO REHAB FOR "SLEEPING PILLS".
THEY FINALLY GOT PARIS HILTON'S MONKEY...OUTBREAK POSTPONED UNTIL NEXT PUBLICITY STUNT.
ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER TRIES TO SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE MARIA ON T.V. (OR: LORD WEBBER MAKES REALITY T.V. SHOW ABOUT NAZI MUSICAL).
ENYA, LIKE ANNE HECHE BEFORE HER, HAS LOST HER FRICKIN' MIND.
DEPECHE MODE SINGER'S KIDS DON'T LIKE DADDY'S TAINT RING.
TILDA SWINTON'S THIRD NIPPLE HAS GOTTEN HER THROUGH SOME ROUGH PATCHES. IN OTHER NEWS, TILDA SWINTON HAS THREE NIPPLES.
JOLIE WANTS TO RAID MORE TOMBS.
CLOONEY TO DIRECT COHEN BROTHERS CAST OFF.
NEW T.V. SHOW ABOUT KIDNAPPING NOT GOING TO BE CALLED "WITHOUT ANOTHER TRACE".
JASON STATHAM IS ON CRANK.
CRONENBERG TO MAKE ANOTHER HOPEFULLY LESS SHITTY MOVIE.
RUSSELL CROWE FINALLY GETS TO BEAT UP NICOLE KIDMAN.
WHINEY BASTARD FROM "GILMORE GIRLS" TO PLAY ROCKY'S KID.
MATT DAMON THINKS YOU CAN'T READ.
NAOMI WATTS BLAMES YOGA FOR LIVING THROUGH KONG.
MEDIOCRE SEQUEL TO CLEVER MOVIE COMES TO DVD IN FEBRUARY.
BLACK SABBATH AND MILES DAVIS TEAM UP TO....OK, FORGET IT, THEY'RE BEING INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK 'N ROLL HALL OF FAME.
JET LI DIDN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE WAS UNTIL HE MET SOMEONE WITH THE SAME LAST NAME.
ROD STEWART IS A DAD AGAIN, AND HE'S ONLY 60.
IN A RELATED STORY, HIS DAUGHTER'S ENGAGEMENT TO THE GUY FROM "LAGUNA BEACH" IS TOTALLY OVER.
AS SATAN GETS CLOSER TO WALKING AMONG US, HILARY DUFF WILL CO-HOST "NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE".
STRONG BREEZE BLOWS LAURA FLYNN BOYLE OUTTA "LAS VEGAS".
TOM CRUISE BUYS SONOGRAM MACHINE TO CONTINUE HIS ALIEN CULTIVATION OF IMMACULATLY CONCEPTED FETUS.
That's it folks. You're all caught up now. Hope you had a great holiday and we're glad you're back.
Stay tuned for a review of AMERICAN DREAMZ.
Power to the people.
-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep
It was an exciting weekend... the Hollywood parade boasted such stars as John Schneider and the bad guy from Happy Gilmore... Pat Morita died... Alias & Threshold were both shot down like slow turkeys... and life goes on toward the "other" holidays.
PAT MORITA WAXES OFF THIS MORTAL COIL. (OR: PAT MORITA CAUSES WORLD TO ALL MAKE SAME JOKE IN UNISON).
THRESHOLD GETS CANNED, DATA CRIES REAL HUMAN TEARS.
POTTER STILL KICKING EVERY OTHER MOVIES ASS, TOPS $200 MIL.
HEY JESSICA! WHY THE LONG, HORSE-LIKE FACE? OH YEAH, IT'S BECAUSE YOU AND NICK ARE FINALLY ADMITTING IT'S OVER!
THOSE SLIPPERS ARE DYNAMITE!
MEL GIBSON DONATES FAKE PYRAMIDS TO MEXICANS, MEXICANS CAN'T TELL DIFFERENCE.
PETER BRADY TO GET MARRIED TO VAPID REDNECK ON T.V., OR AS THE NETWORK LIKES TO CALL IT: "MY FAIR BRADY - SEASON 2".
IN A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT, EMINEM WENT TO REHAB FOR "SLEEPING PILLS".
THEY FINALLY GOT PARIS HILTON'S MONKEY...OUTBREAK POSTPONED UNTIL NEXT PUBLICITY STUNT.
ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER TRIES TO SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE MARIA ON T.V. (OR: LORD WEBBER MAKES REALITY T.V. SHOW ABOUT NAZI MUSICAL).
ENYA, LIKE ANNE HECHE BEFORE HER, HAS LOST HER FRICKIN' MIND.
DEPECHE MODE SINGER'S KIDS DON'T LIKE DADDY'S TAINT RING.
TILDA SWINTON'S THIRD NIPPLE HAS GOTTEN HER THROUGH SOME ROUGH PATCHES. IN OTHER NEWS, TILDA SWINTON HAS THREE NIPPLES.
JOLIE WANTS TO RAID MORE TOMBS.
CLOONEY TO DIRECT COHEN BROTHERS CAST OFF.
NEW T.V. SHOW ABOUT KIDNAPPING NOT GOING TO BE CALLED "WITHOUT ANOTHER TRACE".
JASON STATHAM IS ON CRANK.
CRONENBERG TO MAKE ANOTHER HOPEFULLY LESS SHITTY MOVIE.
RUSSELL CROWE FINALLY GETS TO BEAT UP NICOLE KIDMAN.
WHINEY BASTARD FROM "GILMORE GIRLS" TO PLAY ROCKY'S KID.
MATT DAMON THINKS YOU CAN'T READ.
NAOMI WATTS BLAMES YOGA FOR LIVING THROUGH KONG.
MEDIOCRE SEQUEL TO CLEVER MOVIE COMES TO DVD IN FEBRUARY.
BLACK SABBATH AND MILES DAVIS TEAM UP TO....OK, FORGET IT, THEY'RE BEING INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK 'N ROLL HALL OF FAME.
JET LI DIDN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE WAS UNTIL HE MET SOMEONE WITH THE SAME LAST NAME.
ROD STEWART IS A DAD AGAIN, AND HE'S ONLY 60.
IN A RELATED STORY, HIS DAUGHTER'S ENGAGEMENT TO THE GUY FROM "LAGUNA BEACH" IS TOTALLY OVER.
AS SATAN GETS CLOSER TO WALKING AMONG US, HILARY DUFF WILL CO-HOST "NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE".
STRONG BREEZE BLOWS LAURA FLYNN BOYLE OUTTA "LAS VEGAS".
TOM CRUISE BUYS SONOGRAM MACHINE TO CONTINUE HIS ALIEN CULTIVATION OF IMMACULATLY CONCEPTED FETUS.
That's it folks. You're all caught up now. Hope you had a great holiday and we're glad you're back.
Stay tuned for a review of AMERICAN DREAMZ.
Power to the people.
-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep
posted by Constable Kreegal at 10:49 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home