Compiled News 11-17-05

Good morning to you. It's time for the healthy news...

Don't worry, your kids will eat it.

"DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" FLASHER SAYS HE DIDN'T DO IT, MISSES HIS CONSCIENCE AND THAT FAT PAYCHECK.

IN RELATED NEWS, THEY'VE ALREADY FOUND OUT WHO THEY ARE GIVING THAT FAT PAYCHECK TO NEXT, IF HE KEEPS HIS BOXERS CLOSED.

SPEAKING OF BOXERS...A FANCY BRITISH HOTEL: $1,000. HANGING OUT WITH CELEBRITIES & BOXERS: $500. GETTING INTO A BIG FIST FIGHT AT A DINNER FOR MIKE TYSON: PRICELESS.

LOOKING FOR A HAT AND CANE FOR YOUR OLD TRAMP FATHER?

RALPH EDWARDS FINDS OUT "LIFE" AIN'T THE ONLY THING OVER.

THE PUNISHER IS TACKLING A DIFFERENT GAME.

MAKING SURE EDWARD JAMES OLMOS DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THE CONVENTION CIRCUIT FOR "MIAMI VICE", "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA" GETS A THIRD SEASON, CLEARLY PAVING THE WAY FOR OLMOS TO DO THE SCI-FI CIRCUIT INSTEAD.

QUINT AT AICN GETS DOWN AND DIRTY WITH EGON.

DANE COOK CONTINUES TO BE FUNNY WITHOUT OUR HELP.

"BLADES OF GLORY" -- WILL FARRELL, WILL ARNETT, AMY POEHLER, JON HEDER. PRODUCED BY BEN STILLER. COULD THERE BE A FUNNIER MOVIE ABOUT FIGURE SKATING?

"TREKKIES" NOT DO IT FOR YOU? TRY "RINGERS"! WITH CLIPS FROM JOBLO!

WANT MORE INFO ON THAT "HELLBOY ANIMATED" SERIES? WHY NOT READ THE GUY'S BLOG? WAIT..."BLOG"? PEOPLE STILL DO THAT? THAT'S SOOOO 2004.

MATTHEW MACOGNAGOGNEY IS YOUR SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. THAT'S WHAT THE "PEOPLE" SAY.

OPRAH WINFREY ADMITS MAKING MISTAKE. LUCKILY, IT DOESN'T INVOLVE PORN.

PROVING THAT HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO STAY IN THE NEWS AND THAT CHANGING COUNTRIES DOESN'T MAKE YOU SMARTER, MICHAEL JACKSON GETS CAUGHT PUTTING ON MAKEUP IN A WOMEN'S RESTROOM IN DUBAI.

That's it. Have a great Thursday. Go see a midnight showing of something.

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-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep