Compiled News 11-10-05

Slap that baby, make him free!

News is as follows:

BOND, RA'S & MORTICIA TO MAKE WESTERN, OBVIOUSLY FULL OF FOREIGNERS.

JOSS WHEDON RAMBLES.

SHARON STONE WRITES HURRICANE KATRINA SONG, FINDS OUT IT'S HARD TO RHYME A WORD LIKE "VAGINA"...KEVIN KLINE KINDA....NORTH CAROLINA...

TERMINATOR T.V.? NO ROBOT KILLING SPREES? WHAT'S THE POINT?

SINCE YOU AREN'T VERY SMART, PREMIERE MAGAZINE HAS PICKED THE 50 GREATEST MOVIE STARS OF ALL TIME, AND YES... DON'T WORRY... WILL SMITH MADE THE LIST.

I PREDICT DR. DOOM WILL DRIVE POORLY.

RYAN REYNOLDS HAS MORE MOVIES THAN YOU DO COMING IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS.

COULD ORSON WELLES BE "TWO-FACE"? THAT WOULD BE COOL. NO IT WOULDN'T! YES IT WOULD! FLIP A COIN!!

IN OTHER NEWS, ANOTHER FILM WE DESPERATELY NEEDED A SEQUEL TO, "BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM 2: PUBERTY".

JESSICA ALBA STOPS HAVING SEX FOR MONEY LONG ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT BEING A "WHORE".

MADONNA FINDS FAME TIRING, LUCKY SHE HASN'T BEEN FAMOUS FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS.

CHUCK BERRY, TIRED OF BEING POOR, SUES KARAOKE PEOPLE.

RAPPER BEANIE SIGEL IS THROWN IN JAIL, NEXT ALBUM TO BE MORE TENDER IN THE ASS PARTS.

SHERYL CROW FINDS SOMETHING THAT SUCKS MORE THAN HER MUSIC.

That hurts. And we're done.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep