Compiled News 11-3-05

It's just another manic Thursday, OH-ooh-OH...

Here's the news:

PEOPLE CONTINUE TO PAY OLIVER STONE TO MAKE UP LIES ABOUT HISTORY.

DEF LEPPARD TURNS 25, DRUMMER STILL CAN'T CLAP.

JOEY BUTTAFUOCO IS TOSSING YOUR SALAD.

TYRA BANKS GAINS 350 POUNDS, DOESN'T TAKE FAT PEOPLE...UH....LIGHTLY.

JACKASS SEQUEL IN THE WORKS, PROVING AGAIN THAT HOLLYWOOD MAKES SHITTY MOVIES.

ADAM BALDWIN TO MAKE VAMPIRE MOVIE, CAN'T FIND THE HAT HIS MOM MADE HIM.

PAUL WS ANDERSON TO PUT A STAKE THROUGH THE HEART OF "CASTLEVANIA".

PRETTY JARED LETO TO PLAY FAT GUY KILLER OF JOHN LENNON, MAKE BAD MOVIE.

"BORGIA" MOVIE GETS PRETTY PEOPLE, TOO, STABS US IN THE BACK.

"IRON MAN" ROCKETS BACK TO MARVEL WITH HIS HELMET BETWEEN HIS LEGS.

HAROLD RAMIS WAXES PHILOSOPHICAL ABOUT HIS FILMS AND THE NEVER-GONNA-HAPPEN GHOSTBUSTERS 3.

TALENTLESS COMEDIAN DROPS ONE OF HIS FAR TOO MANY MEDIOCRE SHOWS.

KIM CATRALL CONTINUES TO FLAUNT HER HAM SANDWICH.

And on that note, I think we're done.

EMAIL us.

JOIN THE MAP.

Drink Crystal Pepsi.

Oh great... you've already ruined that one for everybody.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep