Compiled News 10-26 & 27-05

Sorry for the breakdown yesterday. Too much to do and too little time to do it. As you can see, I can't even speel good animore. On with the funny.... err... news.

LUCY LAWLESS TO REPRISE ROLE IN T.V. MOVIE. NO, IT'S NOT XENA. IT'S MUCH, MUCH FUNNIER.

HE'S GONNA GO TO JAIL AGAIN, UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE.

NBC CHOOSES THE TOP 10 SCARIEST CHARACTERS ON T.V. FOR YOU.

HERE'S AN ASSLOAD OF NEWS, INCLUDING DARREN "REQUIEM FOR A DREAM" ARONOFSKY DIRECTING "LOST", NEW MOVIES STARRING LOTS OF PEOPLE, AND THREE HOURS OF "KING KONG".

COLIN FARRELL... IS STILL IRISH... IN... "THE NEW WORLD".

JERRY LEWIS STILL LOVES DEAN MARTIN, GETS IN LINE WITH THE REST OF AMERICA.

ELMO, MR. INCREDIBLE & GHOSTFACE ARRESTED IN HOLLYWOOD FOR "AGGRESSIVE BEGGING". ONCE AGAIN, THESE HEADLINES WRITE THEMSELVES.

LUCASFILM EXPANDS TO COUNTRY WHERE THEY STILL LIKE HIS MOVIES.

IRAN, IN A FIT OF GOOD TASTE, BANS ALL FOREIGN FILMS.

BUBBLE BUBBLE TOIL AND TROUBLE, HARRY POTTER 4 IN CANADIAN TROUBLE. (YES, WE RHYMED TROUBLE WITH TROUBLE. WE'RE LIKE THE BEASTIE BOYS OF BLOGGING).

IN HOPES OF FINDING AN EASY HEADLINE, YODA IS A TOOL.

IN CASE YOU NEEDED IT, HERE'S ANOTHER ARTICLE ON "WALK THE LINE".

COSTNER TO KILL PEOPLE.

BRAD PITT PLAYS JESSE JAMES IN ANOTHER MOVIE WE ALL KNOW THE ENDING TO.

SNIPES AND VAN DAMME TO MAKE MOVIE TOGETHER, NOT CALLED "BLADE IV: BLOODSPORT".

JOHNNY DEPP, USED TO DOING DRUG MOVIES, DOES ANOTHER ONE.

DILLON TO BE BUKOWSKI, DRINK ALOT, WRITE ALOT, SMOKE ALOT.

EMILIO ESTEVEZ CASTING ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE IN HIS NEW MOVIE. IN OTHER NEWS, EMILIO ESTEVEZ IS STILL ALIVE.

HERE'S THE "FINAL DESTINATION 3" POSTER, IN CASE YOU THOUGHT THAT FRANCHISE WAS OVER, LIKE THE REST OF US DID.

MATT VAUGHN, DIRECTOR OF "LAYER CAKE", WILL DIRECT NEIL GAIMAN FAIRY TALE, BECOME KNOWN FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN QUITTING AS DIRECTOR OF X-MEN 3.

BUFFY MOVIES MIGHT BE MADE DIRECT-TO-DVD, SAVING VAMPIRES TIME AND MONEY.

COSCARELLI POO-POOS NEW PHANTASM TRILOGY, WANTS TO MAKE SEQUEL TO "BUBBA". BRUCE CAMPBELL CASHES ANOTHER CHECK.

"CULT" SHOW ABOUT "CULT FANS" OF A "CULT SHOW" TO BE "CULT SHOW" WITHIN A "CULT SHOW", WILL PROBABLY GAIN A "CULT FOLLOWING".

DOCTOR ZHIVAGO LIKES TO PUNCH PEOPLE, SAY HE DOESN'T.

BAD SINGER TO ALSO BE A BAD DANCER.

ROLLING STONES DIG UP RARE TOONS, KEITH RICHARDS' ORIGINAL SKIN, SELL 'EM BOTH TO STARBUCKS. (OR: ROLLING STONES MAKE SECOND DEAL WITH THE DEVIL).

JANET JACKSON SAYS SHE DOESN'T HAVE A DAUGHTER, ASKS MICHAEL TO STOP CALLING HER "MOMMY".

STILL A SPOILED, STUPID, FILTHY SLUT, PARIS HILTON IS BACK IN THE NEWS AGAIN.

MASTER OF HORROR ON SHOWTIME OWNS YOU.

"JEWISH DAVE MATTHEWS" IS A HIT AMONG THE CHOSEN PEOPLE. "HITLER DAVE MATTHEWS" IS NOT.

AS USUAL, A BUNCH OF STILL ALIVE PEOPLE ARE MAKING A CD WITH A DEAD GUY. DEAD GUY UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT.

That'll do us, folks. See? Miss a day and everything's CRAZY! Enjoy.

Post, comment, refresh. Visit our friends on the right. Live up to someone's expectation. Anyone's. Please.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep