Compiled News 11-22-05

Tuesday... two days until we have to give thanks for war and taxes.

The news:

"LADY IN THE WATER" IN QUICKTIME...SHYAMALAN DOES A SIDEWAYS SPLASH.

BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ENOUGH, "KING KONG" T.V. SPOTS!

OPRAH TO DO DAVE. IN A BATTLE OF EGO VS. WIT, WIT ALWAYS WINS.

JACK BAUER'S DADDY LOVES ACTING, PROUD OF HIS BARE ASS.

NEED A LIST OF MUSICIAN BIOPICS? ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY THINK YOU DO.

CHRIS ELLIOT, ADMITTING HE CAN'T KEEP A T.V. SERIES, HAS TURNED INTO A NOVELIST.

DIRTY BRITS TO REMAKE "THE PRISONER", SINCE THEY'RE SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING ELSE.

YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T WANT A "TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE" PREQUEL, A REMAKE OF "THE BIRDS" OR A REMAKE OF "THE HITCHER"? THEN YOU MUST NOT BE FRIENDS WITH THESE A-HOLES.

AXE-FACE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH ASS AS AN ACTOR, THINKS ABOUT QUITTING.

DYLAN'S HIGH SCHOOL POETRY BEING AUCTIONED, ALONG WITH JAKOB TO TRANSLATE.

PROvING IT TAKES A MOVIE TO GET RELIGIOUS-TYPES UP IN ARMS BECAUSE THEY CAN'T READ, HERE COMES TO DISECTION OF "NARNIA".

LUCKILY FOR US, SEINFELD WON'T DO ANOTHER SITCOM.

HOLLYWOOD & THE C.I.A. TEAM UP FOR "SYRIANA", FORCE CLOONEY TO GROW BEARD.

BACK FROM THE DEAD, TODD RUNDGREN TO FRONT THE NEW "CARS". EVEN CANCER CAN'T KEEP A BAD BAND DOWN.

MARIAH CAREY UP FOR FOUR AMA AWARDS ON TUESDAY. IN OTHER NEWS, THE AMA'S ARE TUESDAY, BECAUSE BAD MUSIC NEEDS JUSTIFICATION.

That's it, folks. I think I'm going to go see a screening of AMERICAN DREAMZ tonight, by Paul Weitz, the director of In Good Company & About A Boy. We'll talk all about it tomorrow.

But since you probably won't be doing that, you can watch BONES, SUPERNATURAL & LAW & ORDER: SVU tonight.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep