Compiled News 1-21 & 22 & 23-06

Welcome back to the work week. Here's the news:

EVEN GOD CAN'T KILL BON JOVI.

"THE WEST WING" GETS CANNED, "LAW & ORDER" MOVED TO TAKE ON "LOST", AND OTHER THINGS THAT MOST OF AMERICA, ACCORDING TO RATINGS, DON'T CARE ABOUT.

"UNDERWORLD 2" KICKS BOX OFFICE ASS, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT "EVOLUTION" AND "HOODWINKED" HOLDS FAST AT NUMBER 2!

X3 PICTURES, WITH A LI'L LESS CONVERSATION, A LI'L MORE VINNIE JONES.

THE NAVY DOESN'T LIKE ANNAPOLIS EITHER.

STILL CARE ABOUT "STAR WARS"? I GUESS YOU COULD TRY TO DO THIS THING THEN.

"DEAD GUY" TAKES LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS.

JUDI DENCH APPROVES OF NEW JAMES BOND, AND, FRANKLY, IF SHE DOES, THEN YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR TALENTLESS MOUTH.

REALLY DIG THESE BAD DIRECT-TO-DVD PREQUELS TO GOOD MOVIES? TRY ON THE PREQUEL TO WALKEN'S "KING OF NEW YORK".

"THE DA VINCI CODE" OPENS CANNES. I STILL HATE THE FRENCH.

YOUR MONDAY JASON STATHAM FIX: THE DUNGEON SIEGE TRAILER.

"PENGUIN" DIRECTOR GOES AFTER FOXES NEXT.

"DREAMER", "GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'" & "CHICKEN LITTLE" ALL HIT DVD SHELVES IN MARCH ALONG WITH EVERY OTHER DAMN MOVIE I WANT TO BUY, BUT LUCKILY I DON'T WANT THOSE.

ONE THING THOSE "LOST" ACTORS FOUND IS A RAISE.

VOLDEMORT GOES BACK TO BROADWAY.

JANETTE CARTER, THE LAST OF THE CARTER FAMILY, DIES AT 82.

50 CENT, STILL A THIEF AFTER ALL THIS TIME.

That's it, folks. Enjoy the solitude of your lowly lives.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep