Compiled News 1-19-06

What day is it? THUMP DAY! Whatever. I saw Guy Ritchie's new movie REVOLVER last night. It doesn't come out until March or something on this shore, but when it does, see it. It's nothing like he's ever done before, and quite frankly, I think it's brilliant. After my mind stops swimming I'll write a review of it. It's really heavy in the vein of THE USUAL SUSPECTS and MEMENTO. Don't let the bad press fool you into believing it's a bad movie. It's no SWEPT AWAY 2. At all.

Anyway, here's the news:

HUGE SPIDER-MAN 3 NEWS EXCLUSIVE AT AICN! BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD TO PLAY GWEN FRICKIN' STACY IN THE NEW MOVIE! TWO MOVIES TOO LATE? HOW WILL IT WORK?!? WHO CARES?!? AND WHY COULDN'T KIRSTEN DUNST HAVE PLAYED GWEN SO THEY COULD KILL HER OFF WITH BRYCE COMING IN AS MARY JANE?!? OH. MY. GOD.

AND NOW JOBLO SAYS THAT GWEN NOT ONLY LIVES, BUT THAT TOPHER GRACE IS, IN FACT, AFTER ALL THE RUMOR, "VENOM". I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.

DID HARRISON FORD'S ULTIMATUM WORK FOR INDY 4? GEORGE LUCAS SLATES IT FOR A 2007 RELEASE!

THE BAFTA NOMINATIONS ARE OUT (THE BRIT ACADEMY AWARDS), SEE WHICH CONSTANT GARDENERS, GAY COWBOYS AND DEAD COUNTRY SINGERS GOT THE NOD.

REMEMBER THAT "HULK 2 / MULDER" STORY FROM YESTERDAY? IT APPEARS TO BE COMPLETE BULLSHIT. SORRY.

CARPENTER, LANDIS, HOOPER, GARRIS & MORE RETURN FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF "MASTERS OF HORROR"!

HOLLY HUNTER HAS TWINS, ADDING TWO MORE MEELY-MOUTHED, SIDE-TALING KIDS INTO THIS WORLD.

AMERICAN IDOL CONTINUES TO BE STUPID HUGE.

REMEMBER THAT MOVIE I REVIEWD SEVERAL MONTHS AGO? RICHARD LINKLATER'S "A SCANNER DARKLY"? WELL, IT'S COMING OUT IN JULY. AND ABOUT TIME, TOO.

HERE'S THE POSTER FOR RICHARD DONNER'S NEW FILM "16 BLOCKS" WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND MINE, BRUCE WILLIS & MOS DEF.

AGENT SCULLY, TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO GET A PAYCHECK, IS DOING "BLEAK HOUSE" ON PBS.

RUSSELL "FIGHTIN' & SAILIN' AROUND THE WORLD" CROWE GETS TO BE A POPPA AGAIN, BRINGING ANOTHER CHILD INTO THE WORLD THAT HE CAN TEACH TO BEAT PEOPLE UP FOR HIM.

2006 TO BE THE YEAR OF MONEY-MAKING MOVIES AGAIN? I DUNNO...WHICH REMAKES ARE THEY DOING THIS YEAR? CHiPS? HMMM...

BOWIE & HAGGARD TO GET LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT GRAMMYS, BUT NOTHING FOR AARON NEVILLE.

IN A RELATED STORY, IN ORDER TO MAKE THE SUPERBOWL LESS OF A HEADACHE, THEY HAVE HIRED A SMOULDERING SEXPOT TO SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM...YOU GUESSED IT... AARON NEVILLE.

You have reached the end of this transmission. Enjoy your day.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep