Compiled News 1-12-06

Is it Thursday? New E.R. tonight? Shocking moments? How about the news?

READ MORE ABOUT THE JACK BAUER POWER HOUR PREMIERE! "24" STARTS SUNDAY!!

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR THE GOLDEN SCHMOES! THE ONLY AWARDS WHERE YOUR OPINION REALLY MATTERS! (RUN BY JOBLO.COM)

MARCH WORKS ITS MAGIC AGAIN ON DVDS, THIS TIME WITH "HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE"....HERE'S THE COVER. I'M GLAD MARCH'LL KEEP ME BROKE.

JOHNNY DEPP AS "THE JOKER"? RACHAEL WEISZ AS "TALIA", DAUGHTER OF "RA'S AL GHUL"? NOW THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING. I'M SURE THERE WILL ONLY BE ANOTHER YEAR'S WORTH OF RUMORS BEFORE WE FIND OUT WHO IT WILL REALLY BE. THANKS AMERICA.

HERE'S A TERRIBLE IDEA, EVEN IF IT'S A JOKE: "BUTCH AFFLECK & THE SUNDAMON KID".

BRUCKHEIMER CONTINUES TO PULL CHUD OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL FOR SEQUELS GALORE.

SPEAKING OF SEQUELS, SODERBERGH KEEN ON "OCEAN'S 13" & READY TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT MEXICANS.

DIDN'T KNOW THAT AFTER ELIOT NESS QUIT THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT AND LEFT CHICAGO THAT HE MOVED TO CLEVELAND AND HUNTED A SERIAL KILLER? DAVID FINCHER DOES, AND SOON, SO WILL YOU. I BRING YOU..."TORSO"!

TED KOPPEL TO CONTINUE BEING BORING ON THE STATION THAT LOVES TO BORE, NPR.

IN A FIT OF SOMETHING SOBER, HANK WILLIAMS, JR. VISITS THE ONLY LIVING WEST VIRGINIA MINER....OR HE NEVER VISITED HIM AT ALL...I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO READ THE PAPERS THE NEXT DAY TO FIND OUT...BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST THE MEDIA.

SARAH BUNTING AT MSNBC DOESN'T WANT YOU TO FORGET AXE-FACE MAGEE WHEN THE OSCARS ROLE AROUND, AND NEITHER DO WE.

That's it. Three days 'til Jack's back and television will be good again.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep