Compiled News 1-13-05

What kind of news can you expect on Friday the 13th? Huh?

This kind of news:

CHRIS MARTIN HAS ONCE AGAIN PLANTED HIS SEED IN GWYNETH PALTROW. PERHAPS THIS TIME SHE'LL HAVE AN ORANGE.

THE HASSELHOFF FILES FOR DIVORCE FROM HIS WIFE OF 16 YEARS, REGRETS NOT HAVING DONE IT WHILE HE WAS SPENDING ALL OF TIME WITH SCANTILY-CLAD BIMBOS ON THE BEACH.

JOSS WHEDON TALKS ABOUT HIS NEW GIG "GONERS", AND NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE CAST OF "SERENITY".

CRAP LOADS OF T.V. PILOT / SERIES NEWS FROM DARK HORIZONS, SOME OF WHICH MIGHT EVEN BE COOL TO WATCH.

RAPPER "MYSTIKAL" GETS A YEAR IN PRISON, AL CAPONE-STYLE.

HOT ON THE HEELS OF THAT, THEY ALSO THROW OUT SOME DATE SHIFTS FOR FEATURE FILMS, INCLUDING PUSHING "CATCH & RELEASE" BACK UNTIL 2007, AND FORCING JIM CARREY & BEN STILLER TO TAKE ON "SHREK 3" AND "SPIDER-MAN", I.E. DOOMING THEM.

THE BEACH BOYS, THINKING THEY HAVE STUFF PEOPLE WANT, HAVE FILED A LAWSUIT AGAINST TWO DUDES FOR $20 MILLION. SOME GUYS WILL DO ANYTHING TO NOT BE FLAT BROKE.

HERE'S A GOOD IDEA, LET'S CALL BRANDON ROUTH, THE NEW "SUPER-MAN", "BRANDO". HERE'S AN INTERVIEW WITH HIM. HE SOUNDS JUST AS FAT & SUPERIOR.

HERE'S THE JOBLO TOP 10 OF 2005, SINCE WE'RE TOO LAZY TO DO ONE OURSELVES.

KARI WUHRER SUES ABC BECAUSE SHE GOT KNOCKED UP.

COLBERT PUTS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS AS #1 ON HIS "THREAT DOWN", SO MSNBC PICKS UP THE STORY. "TRUTHINESS" ENSUES.

MELISSA JOAN HART HAS GIVEN BIRTH. IN OTHER NEWS, SOMEONE SLEPT WITH MELISSA JOAN HART.

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH! Have a good weekend. It's good to be back, isn't it?

E-MAIL US.

JOIN THE SHEEP MAP.

Leave a frickin' comment, you no opinion having meatloafs.

See ya Monday. Go see a movie or something.

AND "24" STARTS AGAIN ON SUNDAY!!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep