Compiled News 1-24-06

Toosday Noos:

NO SHIT! CBS & WARNER MERGE TO FORM "THE CW", UPN & THE WB TO GO OFF THE AIR IN SEPT. 2006!!

NEW LINE WANTS YOU TO SEE "FINAL DESTINATION 3" FOR FREE! THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS!

WILL STEVE JOBS BE THE NEW UNFROZEN CAVEMAN DISNEY?

THERESA RUSSELL GETS THE GREENLIGHT FOR "SPIDER-MAN 3", KICKING SAND IN YOUR EYE.

HUGH JACKMAN "PRESTIGE" PICS, THANKS TO "JUST JARED".

SAM RAIMI BUYS THE RIGHTS TO A VIDEO GAME YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED.

"DODGEBALL" DIRECTOR SET TO SCREW UP "MAGNUM P.I." MOVIE.

COOL QUAD POSTERS FOR "WALK THE LINE" AND "DATE MOVIE"!

THE LAST FIVE "SILENT HILL" POSTERS YOU'LL EVER SEE!

MEG RYAN CONTINUES TO DO STUPID STUFF, THIS TIME ADOPTING A KID FROM CHINA FOR NO REASON.

WOLE PARK, A GUY FROM MTV'S "UNDRESSED" IS A DRUNK DRIVER AGAIN. GRATS!

JUST WHAT THE HELL IS "ALTERNATIVE MUSIC" NOW, AND WHY IS THERE STILL A GRAMMY FOR IT?

GOD PUTS CURSE ON JASON LEE FOR BEING GREAT, HAVING FUNNY SHOW IN A YEAR FULL OF CRAP.

PARIS HILTON WON'T TAKE MONEY TO POSE FOR PLAYBOY, TOO BUSY GETTING NAKED FOR FREE.

Bong!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep