Compiled News 2-17 thru 23-06

We here at The Sheep hate computers, and we hate working for a living. There is nothing in the world like system failures and server mishaps. If we didn't know any better, we'd say that one day computers were going to take over the world, projecting a false reality in our minds while harvesting our bodies for fuel. Man. That would be a good movie. I hope they haven't made three of them yet.

Anyway, we apologize for the delay in news, but if you were smart, you went to all of our friends at the right and read it from them. If not, we'll catch you up and slap your fanny. Regardless, we have better headlines. Word to your mother.

Here's the old & new news, like you don't already know:

MARSHALL PLANE CRASH MOVIE GETS A BIT OF "GOOD LUCK". GIVE HIM AN OSCAR! ALSO, THE FILM IS CURRENTLY CALLED "WE ARE MARSHALL". GO HERD!

NATHAN FILLION TAKES YOU BEHIND THE SCENES OF "SLITHER"!

EVERYBODY IS HATING ON DANIEL CRAIG, SO NOT ONLY DOES HE GET HIS FRONT TEETH KNOCKED OUT, BUT HE CAN'T DRIVE A STICK, EITHER. SO, BY ALL RESPECTS... I CAN BE JAMES BOND! NICE!

VOTE FOR THE GOLDEN SCHMOES ON JOBLO.COM!

"FUN WITH DICK AND JANE" STEALS YOUR MONEY IN APRIL.

"WEDDING CRASHERS" DIRECTOR JUMPS SHIP ON GAY SANDLER MOVIE.

"THE FAMILY STONE" HITS DVD SHELVES AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S PURSE IN MAY.

PICS FROM "ERAGON", BECAUSE EVERYBODY WHO WRITES A CRAPPY FANTASY NOVEL SHOULD IMMEDIATELY HAVE IT MADE INTO A MOVIE....BUY MY BOOK!

ENTER INTO THE HOWARD STERN FILM FESTIVAL! I'M SURE IT'S GREAT!

"LONESOME JIM", THE STEVE BUSCEMI DIRECTED CASEY AFFLECK MOVIE HAS A POSTER. I SMELL OSCAR!

"A SCANNER DARKLY" POSTER & TRAILER, HAILING THE COMING OF ONE THIS YEAR'S BEST FILMS WE AT THE SHEEP HAVE ALREADY SEEN!

BIG NEWS FOR "PASSIONS" FANS...YES, I'M LOOKING AT YOU...JUSTIN HARTLEY IS THE NEW "AQUAMAN" IN THE CW (FORMERLY WB) SPIN-OFF FROM SMALLVILLE "MERCY REEF" (YES, THAT'S THE TITLE). ALSO, IT WILL HAVE VING RHAMES. OK, WE'RE SOLD.

FINALLY, "BATMAN 2" AND "SUPERMAN 2" ARE SET IN STONE AS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, AFTER THEIR DIRECTORS GET DONE MAKING OTHER, LESS IMPORTANT MOVIES.

NEW FRIDAY THE 13TH GETS A DIRECTOR.

JON STEWART PREPARES FOR THE OSCARS BY NOT PREPARING FOR THE OSCARS.

MARKY-MARK & ANTOINE FUQUA ARE MAKING A MOVIE, NO DOUBT FULL OF SOME HOW OSCAR-WORTHY STEREOTYPES LIKE "TRAINING DAY".

BAZ LUHRMANN TALKS ABOUT HIS NEXT "EPIC", WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE CALLED "WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S STRICTLY MOULIN". OR NOT.

MOVIE MOBSTER GETS HIT BY A BUS. R.I.P RICHARD BRIGHT.

AFTER NEARLY MINUTES OF PATIENT WAITING, THE "JURASSIC PARK 4" SCRIPT IS DONE. BE STILL MY SEQUEL HEART.

MICHAEL STIPE HATES WAR, PEOPLE, WILL HEADLINE CONCERT ABOUT IT.

MISCHA BARTON & SHIRLEY MACLAINE MAKE A WAR MOVIE, FULL OF LOVE, HOPE AND SHELL CASINGS.

ELTON JOHN AND CELINE DION SING TOGETHER FOR FIRST TIME, MAKE HURRICAN VICTIMS RICH.

ANNE HATHAWAY, FOLLOWING THE SUCCESS OF HER FIRST COMEDY "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN", IS FOLLOWING IT UP WITH "KNOCKED UP" BY THE GUY WHO DIRECTED "THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN". I SMELL OSCAR! WAIT, MAYBE THAT'S MY FEET. NEVERMIND.

JAMES MANGOLD, THE GUY WHAT DIRECTED "WALK THE LINE" IS DOING A RAILROAD MOVIE, NO WORD YET ON WHETHER JOHNNY CASH WILL WALK DOWN THE TRACK.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, PICS FROM "SCARY MOVIE 4"! OH...THAT WASN'T YOU? OH WELL.

DIDN'T GET ENOUGH "PIRATES..." POSTERS? WELL, FEAR NOT!

SPIELBERG FINALLY ADMITS HE'S MAKING "INDY 4" TO THE MEDIA! NO, NOT "MEDIA" LIKE US, BUT A "REAL" NEWSPAPER KIND OF MEDIA!

BRITNEY SPEARS READY TO FILL "LULL" IN POP MUSIC, KEEP ENDANGERING HER CHILD, BUYING 'LUDES FOR HER P.O.S. HUSBAND.

IF I WERE GOING TO MAKE GALACTUS FIGHT THE FANTASTIC FOUR, I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE KEANU REEVES BE THE SILVER SURFER. I MEAN, HELLO..."POINT BREAK"? ANYBODY? HELLOOOO? WHOA.

OBSCURE FAMILY THAT INSPIRED "THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY" SUFFERS LOSS OF LEAD SINGER, "COWSILLS" FANS EVERYWHERE RIOT.

"X-MEN" GRACE THE COVER OF EMPIRE MAGAZINE, TWO AT A TIME.

GUYS WHAT KILLED PRINCESS DIANA GET FINED A DOLLAR. OK, A "EURO", BUT STILL...

BIG FAN OF "LEBOWSKI"? GO TO A LEBOWSKIFEST, WHINER.

LENO APOLOGIZES TO MUDD GUY, GUY'S NAME STILL MUDD.

HERE'S YOUR FRENCH "BASIC INSTINCT 2" POSTER YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO SEE.

MARVEL'S GO TO GUY GOES TO WRITING THE SCRIPT FOR THE NEW "CAPTAIN AMERICA" MOVIE. IN OTHER NEWS, IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW, THERE'S GOING TO BE A "CAPTAIN AMERICA" MOVIE.

IN A STUNNING REVELATION, "NAKED CELEBRITIES" SELL MAGAZINES! WHO WOULDA' THUNK IT?

HERE'S AN UPDATE ON THAT ALL-IMPORTANT "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT FINALLY GET MADE. C'MON JOHN ROGERS & MICHAEL BAY...LET'S QUIT BULLSHITTING AND GET SOME ROBOTS IN DISGUISE, HUH?

JUST LIKE A BAD DRUG HABIT, WITH THE COMING OF A NEW SEASON OF "THE SOPRANOS" (3 YEARS LATER), THERE IS ALSO A POSTER WHERE EVERYBODY STANDS (OR SITS) AROUND LOOKING ALL EMOTIVE AND ANGRY. GRATS!

DON'T CALL LINDSAY LOHAN A "TEEN QUEEN"..."CRACKED-OUT, TALENTLESS SHE-BITCH", MAYBE, BUT NOT "TEEN QUEEN".

That's it, folks. Hope you're caught up. We'll see if we can get back on schedule for tomorrow, and then, after the weekend, hit it hard again on Monday.

Suck it,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep