Compiled News 04-15 & 16 & 17-06

Welcome back from a weekend of Christian Drunkeness and Jewish Passing Over. We hope you are all still plenty alive enough to read the news.

First:



APOCOLYPTO GETS MOVED TO THE HOLIDAYS, SO MEL & THE MAYANS CAN ENJOY THE FILM AT CHRISTMAS TIME! MAYANS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

OK, now that that's over, here's the rest of the news:

LET'S START OFF WITH A PIC OF THE NEW BOND BAD GUY, EH?

THEN FOLLOW IT UP WITH A TEASER FOR DISNEY'S "MEET THE ROBINSONS".

AND END WITH A BRIEF DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW "KUNG FU HUSTLE 2" IS BEING DELAYED BECAUSE STEPHEN CHOW WANTS TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.

SOMEONE HOLD ME! IT'S THE OFFICIAL "CLERKS 2" TRAILER!

HATE THE FCC? CHECK OUT THE UNCUT "BEDFORD DIARIES" ON THE WB!

NOW THAT THAT'S OVER, WHAT DOES AN EX-PRESIDENT DO WHEN HE LEAVES OFFICE? HE'S TO COLLEGE IN IRELAND, OF COURSE. I CAN SEE THE REALITY SHOW NOW.

BIG BAD OPUS DEI WANTS "DA VINCI CODE" DISCLAIMER, SICK OF PEOPLE THINKING THEY ARE POWER-HUNGRY RELIGIOUS SECT WHO ORDERS PEOPLE AROUND, MISSES IRONY OF SITUATION.

WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN A SOFIA COPPOLLA MOVIE STARRING KIRSTEN DUNST? PROBABLY NOT MUCH, BUT HERE ARE SOME PICTURES ANYWAY.

THINK YOU FIT THE BILL FOR THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE? WELL, HERE'S THE OPEN CASTING CALL FOR IT. DON'T SAY WE NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU.

I'M SURE IT'S BURNING IN YOUR MIND...HERE'S SOME DISH ON WHAT "SAW III: STILL SAWIN'" WILL BE ABOUT.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" KICKS BOX OFFICE ASS, WHILE "ICE AGE 2" CONTINUES RAKING IN BAJILLIONS OF DOLLARS. TRIPE WINS! TRIPE WINS!!

EAGER TO SEE THAT "JESSE JAMES" TRAILER WITH BRAD PITT? GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO WATCH THE 9/11 "UNITED 93" MOVIE THEN.

IGGY POP, NOT DEAD, IS MAKING NEW MUSIC AGAIN.

That's it! You're caught up! Brace yourself for another hour of "24" tonight!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep