Compiled News 4-7-06
Beware the 7th of April... it could mean that The Sheep will have updated two days in a row! Great Scot!
When someone says "Great Scot", like anybody actually says "Great Scot" besides Superman and my father, who are they talking about? William Wallace? Johnny Walker?
Anyway, put the knife down...here's the news:
DAN BROWN IS NO THIEF! JUDGE REJECTS CLAIM OF "DA VINCI CODE" THEFT! BROWN CONTINUES TO SWIM IN MONEY BIN, A LITTLE MORE RELAXED THAN USUAL!
YOU HEARD IT HERE LAST! HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX WILL OPEN ON JULY 13TH, 2007! AND THE LAST BOOK COMES OUT THE SATURDAY BEFORE! HOW WILL THEY EVER MAKE ANY MONEY?!?
DEF LEPPARD'S FINALLY GOT AN "ALL COVERS" ALBUM COMING, AND THEY'RE GONNA TOUR THEIR SUGAR ON YOOOOOOU, IN THE NAME OF LOVE. AND WHO OPENS FOR THEM? WHY, JOURNEY, OF COURSE! BUT NO STEEEEEEEVE PERRY! :(
CHLOE O'BRIEN SMART-ASSES HER WAY ONTO THE "GILMORE GIRLS" SEASON FINALE!
WHEN ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER DOES "THE SOUND OF MUSIC" IN LONDON, ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN WILL COME. DANCE, MONKEY! DANCE!!
"TERMINATOR 4" GETS WRITERS, CONTINUES TO SQUEEZE THAT TURNIP FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. IS THIS BLOOD ON MY HANDS?!? GET ME A PENCIL!
GENE PITNEY DIES IN A TOWN WITHOUT PITY. R.I.P.
IN A STUNNING BIT OF NEWS, ANGELINA JOLIE IS IN TALKS FOR "OCEAN'S 13"! I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE THAT EVER HAPPENING IN MY ENTERTAINMENT WORLD! I MEAN, WHO DO YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH TO GET THAT JOB? OH YEAH... BRAD PITT.
LEIF GARRETT JAILED FOR DRUGS? NOT LEIF GARRETT! SURELY YOU JEST!
NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT'S COMING OUT IN THEATERS ON JULY 7TH OF THIS YEAR? HOW ABOUT TAKING A TASTE OF "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 2: DEAD MAN'S CHEST"! POSTER GALORE TO FOLLOW THE CLICKY!
WHILE CHINA TELLS "THE ROLLING STONES" THAT THEY CAN'T SING 5 CERTAIN SONGS AT THEIR SHOW, THE CHINESE POPULACE, MUCH LIKE MYSELF, DOESN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE "THE ROLLING STONES" ENOUGH TO CARE.
WHO BETTER TO SELL THE STENCH OF MARIAH CAREY THAN ELIZABETH ARDEN?
IF MOVIE STUDIOS KNOW YOUR MOVIE SUCKS, THEY AREN'T GOING TO INVITE CRITICS TO SEE IT. HOWEVER, MOVIE STUDIOS ALSO CONTINUE TO NEVER HAVE MUCH OF A CLUE AS TO WHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL PAY TO SEE, WHICH IS WHY TYLER PERRY MOVIES CAN STILL MAKE MONEY, AND GOOD MOVIES LIKE "SERENITY" GET SHIT-CANNED. THANKS, AMERICA.
BON JOVI BREAKS RICHIE SAMBORA'S ARM, AND THEY STILL TOUR WITH A HIT RECORD AND CURRENTLY A #3 SONG. "VAMPIRES: LOS MUERTOS" ASIDE, THESE PEOPLE CAN'T BE STOPPED!
That's it! As usual, we'll be off for the weekend. See ya Monday, suckers.
-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep
When someone says "Great Scot", like anybody actually says "Great Scot" besides Superman and my father, who are they talking about? William Wallace? Johnny Walker?
Anyway, put the knife down...here's the news:
DAN BROWN IS NO THIEF! JUDGE REJECTS CLAIM OF "DA VINCI CODE" THEFT! BROWN CONTINUES TO SWIM IN MONEY BIN, A LITTLE MORE RELAXED THAN USUAL!
YOU HEARD IT HERE LAST! HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX WILL OPEN ON JULY 13TH, 2007! AND THE LAST BOOK COMES OUT THE SATURDAY BEFORE! HOW WILL THEY EVER MAKE ANY MONEY?!?
DEF LEPPARD'S FINALLY GOT AN "ALL COVERS" ALBUM COMING, AND THEY'RE GONNA TOUR THEIR SUGAR ON YOOOOOOU, IN THE NAME OF LOVE. AND WHO OPENS FOR THEM? WHY, JOURNEY, OF COURSE! BUT NO STEEEEEEEVE PERRY! :(
CHLOE O'BRIEN SMART-ASSES HER WAY ONTO THE "GILMORE GIRLS" SEASON FINALE!
WHEN ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER DOES "THE SOUND OF MUSIC" IN LONDON, ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN WILL COME. DANCE, MONKEY! DANCE!!
"TERMINATOR 4" GETS WRITERS, CONTINUES TO SQUEEZE THAT TURNIP FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. IS THIS BLOOD ON MY HANDS?!? GET ME A PENCIL!
GENE PITNEY DIES IN A TOWN WITHOUT PITY. R.I.P.
IN A STUNNING BIT OF NEWS, ANGELINA JOLIE IS IN TALKS FOR "OCEAN'S 13"! I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE THAT EVER HAPPENING IN MY ENTERTAINMENT WORLD! I MEAN, WHO DO YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH TO GET THAT JOB? OH YEAH... BRAD PITT.
LEIF GARRETT JAILED FOR DRUGS? NOT LEIF GARRETT! SURELY YOU JEST!
NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT'S COMING OUT IN THEATERS ON JULY 7TH OF THIS YEAR? HOW ABOUT TAKING A TASTE OF "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 2: DEAD MAN'S CHEST"! POSTER GALORE TO FOLLOW THE CLICKY!
WHILE CHINA TELLS "THE ROLLING STONES" THAT THEY CAN'T SING 5 CERTAIN SONGS AT THEIR SHOW, THE CHINESE POPULACE, MUCH LIKE MYSELF, DOESN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE "THE ROLLING STONES" ENOUGH TO CARE.
WHO BETTER TO SELL THE STENCH OF MARIAH CAREY THAN ELIZABETH ARDEN?
IF MOVIE STUDIOS KNOW YOUR MOVIE SUCKS, THEY AREN'T GOING TO INVITE CRITICS TO SEE IT. HOWEVER, MOVIE STUDIOS ALSO CONTINUE TO NEVER HAVE MUCH OF A CLUE AS TO WHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL PAY TO SEE, WHICH IS WHY TYLER PERRY MOVIES CAN STILL MAKE MONEY, AND GOOD MOVIES LIKE "SERENITY" GET SHIT-CANNED. THANKS, AMERICA.
BON JOVI BREAKS RICHIE SAMBORA'S ARM, AND THEY STILL TOUR WITH A HIT RECORD AND CURRENTLY A #3 SONG. "VAMPIRES: LOS MUERTOS" ASIDE, THESE PEOPLE CAN'T BE STOPPED!
That's it! As usual, we'll be off for the weekend. See ya Monday, suckers.
-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep
posted by Constable Kreegal at 10:41 AM
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