Compiled News 3-10-06 through 4-6-06

We will now act like we weren't gone for a month. Thank you for playing along.

HEY! It's Thursday, and it's time for entertainment news with a bunch of wacky headlines! Wheeee!

Before we start, I just had to share this picture.


THE NEW OMEN IS COMING.

Here's the news:

TASTE THE NEW "CLERKS 2" TRAILER.

HOW ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PLOT OVERVIEW FOR "SPIDER-MAN 3"? IT'S NOT REALLY SPOILERY, BUT IT COULD ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE...WOULDN'T THAT BE A PIP?

JOHN CARPENTER TO DIRECT SEQUEL TO "FREDDY VS. JASON"? WHAAAAAAT? ROBERT "IDEA MAN!" ENGLUND IS QUITE THE TALKER, IT SEEMS.

EMINEM CONTINUES MAKING GOOD LIFE DECISIONS, PREPARES FOR 2ND DIVORCE FROM DEAR, SWEET KIM.

WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE "SNAKES ON A PLANE" TRAILER LOOKS LIKE? TOO BAD. BUT HERE'S A DESCRIPTION OF IT!

SPEAKING OF SAM JACKSON, HE AND JOHN CUSACK ARE IN STEPHEN KING'S "1408", PROBABLY NOT HOLDING BOOM BOXES OR EATING BIG KAHUNA BURGERS.

I GUESS "RICH" WILL CONTINUE TO BE THE CODEWORD FOR STEPHEN KING'S FAMILY, AS HIS SON SELLS HIS FIRST MOVIE RIGHTS TO A BOOK THAT WON'T BE OUT FOR A YEAR.

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY CONTINUES TO BANG AND THROW RINGS AT HIS CO-STARS ON THE WB!

HERE'S EVERYTHING YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THE SIMPSONS MOVIE, 10 YEARS TOO LATE. (PROBABLY CONTAINS SPOILERS, BUT WILL THAT REALLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?)

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN GETS 17TH HUGO NOMINATION, CONTINUES WRITING 3,000 PAGE BOOKS EVERY 3 or 4 YEARS.

HANK WILLIAMS, JR. CONTINUES BEING A CLASSY GUY WHO IS NEVER IN TROUBLE. JUST KIDDING.

THE "HOT FUZZ" BOYS KEEP MAKING VIDBLOGS, AND YOU NEED TO SEE THEM, BECAUSE IF NOTHING ELSE IN THIS LIFE IS TRUE, YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST "SHAUN OF THE DEAD" AND "ARTHUR DENT".

IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE THAT THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE A NEW "REMO WILLIAMS" MOVIE? AND DO THEY DARE MAKE IT WITHOUT FRED WARD? WILL IT REALLY BE DIRECTED BY ROBERT EVANS? CAN I STOP ASKING QUESTIONS NOW?

"DA VINCI CODE" SELLS BOATLOADS IN PAPERBACK, TOO, PROVING THAT, EVEN THOUGH EVERYBODY HAS READ IT ALREADY, THEY'LL READ IT AGAIN IF IT'S SOFTER.

FINALLY, EVEN MATT LEBLANC'S WIFE DOESN'T THINK HE'S FUNNY ANYMORE, PROVING THAT NO MATTER HOW RICH YOU ARE, YOU STILL HAVE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. GUESS IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER "LOST IN SPACE".

"X3" CONTINUES TO GET CLOSER AND CLOSER, TAKING OVER MORE AND MORE OF YOUR TELEVISION, WHILE THEIR "RENT"-STYLE POSTERS BLOCK MY VIEW OF THE SMOG HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

"WHO WANTS TO BE ON THE TODAY SHOW" STARRING MEREDITH VIEIRA. QUESTIONS WILL INCLUDE "IS THIS REALLY HOW I BAKE A CAKE" AND "IS IT GOING TO RAIN, FATMAN?" THERE WILL BE NO FINAL ANSWERS. REGIS WILL BE FORCED TO DO BATTLE. THE END IS NEAR.

POOR FILTHY RICH ROBERT RODRIGUEZ & QUENTIN TARANTINO...THINGS ARE JUST NEVER EASY FOR THEM, HUH?

"MASTERS OF HORROR" JUST KEEPS GOING...AND GOING....AND GOING...

AS YOU ALL KNOW BY NOW, KATIE COURIC WILL BE HOSTING THE CBS DRIVE-AT-FIVE OR WHATEVER PEOPLE "IN-THE-KNOW" CALL THAT, BUT DID YOU KNOW THE MORE IMPORTANT STUFF, LIKE PARKER POSEY BEING ON "BOSTON LEGAL" FOR A MULTI-EPISODE ARC OR THAT CAMERON FRYE WAS GETTING HIS OWN SHOW CALLED "DRIVE" ON FOX AND THAT IT'S CREATED BY TIM MINEAR, ONE OF THE NOT-JOSS-WHEEDON GUYS WHAT BROUGHT US "FIREFLY" & "ANGEL"?!? HUH? DID YA?!?

"KING KONG" SETS DVD SALES RECORD FOR UNIVERSAL. NO SURPRISE SINCE IT BARELY MADE ITS MONEY BACK AT THE BOX OFFICE, EVERYBODY MUST'VE DONE THE SAME THING WE DID. "OOOH, THAT'S SOMETHING I'LL NEED TO SEE ON THE SMALL SCREEN!"

SPEAKING OF KICKING DVD SALES' ASS, "WALK THE LINE" SOLD $3 MILLION ON ITS FIRST DAY. NOW JUST "DO A SHOT OF COCAINE AND SHOOT YOUR WOMAN DOWN". (Don't really do that. You're not nearly cool enough).

AND, BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, "THE FAMILY STONE" COMES OUT ON DVD IN MAY.

EVERY TIME I ROLL OVER IN BED, DAKOTA ALWAYS SCREAMS ABOUT THIS MOVIE SHE'S WORKING ON. I MAY BE SICK, BUT I DON'T TALK TO SPIDERS. MAKE WITH THE CLICKY!

JESSICA SIMPSON COULD BE BRINGING HER VAPID TITTIES TO A BIG SCREEN VERSION OF "BAYWATCH".

FINALLY, SOMEONE AGREES WITH ME ABOUT SPIKE LEE. READ IT AND WEEP, FOUR-EYES!

AHHHH, FITTY CENT. HEY, SHORTIE, YOU'RE AN ACTOR, YOU'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE YOU'RE AN ACTOR...NOW YOU'RE STARRING WITH NIC COPPOLLA IN A PRISON BOXING MOVIE. GRATS.

SUGE KNIGHT AND DEATH ROW FILE CHAPTER 11, NO ONE LEFT TO KILL OR EXTORT, IT SEEMS.

THE OFFICIAL "AMERICAN DREAMZ" POSTER. I SAW THIS MOVIE ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO, AND I REVIEWED IT HERE AND FOR "AICN". IT'S A MOVIE YOU SHOULD SEE, BUT WE'VE ONLY GOT THE POSTER. SORRY, PIRATES.

"16 BLOCKS" SEQUEL? "DIE HARD 4"? BRUCE WILLIS WILLING TO MAKE ACTION MOVIES UNTIL HE CAN'T WALK ANYMORE. THANK YOU, JESUS.

PEOPLE IN NEW YORK ARE PUSSIES AFTER ALL! N.Y. THEATER PULLS TRAILER FOR "UNITED 93" MOVIE ABOUT 9/11! SWEET!

and finally....

WARREN BEATTY IS AWAITING A JUDGE'S RULING SO THAT HE CAN TRY TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE... BUT NOT JUST ANY MOVIE....A NEW "DICK TRACY" MOVIE!! BOOYAH!

OK, that's it. As always, thanks to all of our friends on the right. Be sure to check them out. We're back in business here, so keep checking back. Drop a line, leave a comment, put yourself on our map, tell your friends.

THE SHEEP IS RETURNED.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep