Compiled News 04-19-06
It's Wednesday, and you week wouldn't be half complete without the news:
BEST. VIDEO GAME. EVER.
BROOKE SHIELDS GIVES BIRTH TO DAUGHTER!!! PUT THAT IN YOUR SPACEMAN PIPE, TOMKAT!
YOU MIGHT BE ASKING WHY OUR TOP STORY WASN'T THAT KATIE HOLMES POOPED OUT A SURI WITH A FRINGE ON TOP, BUT, LIKE AN OSCAR, TOM WILL NEVER WIN A RACE WITH THE SHEEP.
NOT ENOUGH KI-EFFER SUTHERLAND IN YOUR MORNING DIET? TAKE A TASTE OF THE JOBLO.COM KIEFER QUIZ!
PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING, BRIAN GRAZER AND HIS WIFE SPLIT UP, SO HE CAN SPEND MORE "QUALITY TIME" WITH OPIE.
AICN'S GOT EXCLUSIVE CONCEPT ART FROM "PIRATES 2". REMEMBER? THAT'S ANOTHER MOVIE COMING OUT THIS SUMMER. I FORGET WHAT IT'S ABOUT, BUT IT COULD BE COOL. PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY MONEY, THOUGH.
NEW SPRINGSTEEN TOUR WILL FEATURE 17-MEMBER BAN TO ROCK THE FOLKSY STADIUM SET.
SPEAKING OF EXCLUSIVES, CHECK OUT THE INTERNATIONAL X3 POSTER! NOT ONLY IS IT IN A LANGUAGE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT IT'S GOT THE WHOLE GANG!
ROGER WATERS CONTINUES TO PLAY FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE.
PEOPLE SEEM SURPRISED THAT JULIA ROBERTS WILL MORE THAN LIKELY RETURN FOR "OCEAN'S 13". HORSE-FACED OR NOT, SHE KNOWS A GOOD DEAL WHEN SHE SEES ONE.
NEIL YOUNG'S NEW ALBUM TALKS ABOUT "IMPEACHING BUSH". YOU JUST CAN'T TRUST HIPPIES ANYMORE, CAN YOU?
ABBA MUSICAL COMES TO THE SCREEN, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT DANCING QUEENS NEVER GET TIRED....OF THEMSELVES.
FROM OUR BIN OF BAD IDEAS, IS THERE A "9 to 5" SEQUEL IN THE WORKS? WILL DOLLY PARTON FINALLY DO THE FULL FRONTAL YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED? WAIT AND SEE!
CHRISTOPHE GANS, THE DIRECTOR OF "SILENT HILL" PICKS THE SEVEN BEST HORROR MOVIES OF MODERN TIMES. SADLY, "DARK HARVEST" DIDN'T MAKE THE LIST.
AND ON THAT NOTE, ELI ROTH TALKS "HOSTEL 2: DIE HOSTELER" AND STEPHEN KING'S "CELL".
007 TO PLAY SATAN, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
EVER WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAMERO FROM "BETTER OFF DEAD"? WELL, THIS GUY HAS IT, AND HE IS FRIGHTENINGLY PROUD.
JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, ALL OF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE: "SGT. ROCK: THE MOVIE"!
MICHAEL JACKSON, DRESSED AS WOMAN, WILL BE MAKING A NEW RECORD FOR A SHEIK IN BAHRAIN'S "MUSIC" LABEL. WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE THAT IT WILL BE SUPER.
Whew. That's it. Maybe Thursday will have less crap. Geez.
-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep
BEST. VIDEO GAME. EVER.
BROOKE SHIELDS GIVES BIRTH TO DAUGHTER!!! PUT THAT IN YOUR SPACEMAN PIPE, TOMKAT!
YOU MIGHT BE ASKING WHY OUR TOP STORY WASN'T THAT KATIE HOLMES POOPED OUT A SURI WITH A FRINGE ON TOP, BUT, LIKE AN OSCAR, TOM WILL NEVER WIN A RACE WITH THE SHEEP.
NOT ENOUGH KI-EFFER SUTHERLAND IN YOUR MORNING DIET? TAKE A TASTE OF THE JOBLO.COM KIEFER QUIZ!
PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING, BRIAN GRAZER AND HIS WIFE SPLIT UP, SO HE CAN SPEND MORE "QUALITY TIME" WITH OPIE.
AICN'S GOT EXCLUSIVE CONCEPT ART FROM "PIRATES 2". REMEMBER? THAT'S ANOTHER MOVIE COMING OUT THIS SUMMER. I FORGET WHAT IT'S ABOUT, BUT IT COULD BE COOL. PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY MONEY, THOUGH.
NEW SPRINGSTEEN TOUR WILL FEATURE 17-MEMBER BAN TO ROCK THE FOLKSY STADIUM SET.
SPEAKING OF EXCLUSIVES, CHECK OUT THE INTERNATIONAL X3 POSTER! NOT ONLY IS IT IN A LANGUAGE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT IT'S GOT THE WHOLE GANG!
ROGER WATERS CONTINUES TO PLAY FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE.
PEOPLE SEEM SURPRISED THAT JULIA ROBERTS WILL MORE THAN LIKELY RETURN FOR "OCEAN'S 13". HORSE-FACED OR NOT, SHE KNOWS A GOOD DEAL WHEN SHE SEES ONE.
NEIL YOUNG'S NEW ALBUM TALKS ABOUT "IMPEACHING BUSH". YOU JUST CAN'T TRUST HIPPIES ANYMORE, CAN YOU?
ABBA MUSICAL COMES TO THE SCREEN, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT DANCING QUEENS NEVER GET TIRED....OF THEMSELVES.
FROM OUR BIN OF BAD IDEAS, IS THERE A "9 to 5" SEQUEL IN THE WORKS? WILL DOLLY PARTON FINALLY DO THE FULL FRONTAL YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED? WAIT AND SEE!
CHRISTOPHE GANS, THE DIRECTOR OF "SILENT HILL" PICKS THE SEVEN BEST HORROR MOVIES OF MODERN TIMES. SADLY, "DARK HARVEST" DIDN'T MAKE THE LIST.
AND ON THAT NOTE, ELI ROTH TALKS "HOSTEL 2: DIE HOSTELER" AND STEPHEN KING'S "CELL".
007 TO PLAY SATAN, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
EVER WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAMERO FROM "BETTER OFF DEAD"? WELL, THIS GUY HAS IT, AND HE IS FRIGHTENINGLY PROUD.
JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, ALL OF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE: "SGT. ROCK: THE MOVIE"!
MICHAEL JACKSON, DRESSED AS WOMAN, WILL BE MAKING A NEW RECORD FOR A SHEIK IN BAHRAIN'S "MUSIC" LABEL. WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE THAT IT WILL BE SUPER.
Whew. That's it. Maybe Thursday will have less crap. Geez.
-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep
posted by Constable Kreegal at 9:32 AM
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