Compiled News 04-30 thru 05-03-06

Sorry for no news the past two days, The Sheep is run by Immigrants. So, you get this as your reward for coming back.


Super Humpday News, GO!

OMFG! IS THAT A SENTINEL!?!?!? HUGH JACKMAN GIVES UP THE GOODS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW! MAYBE "X3" WON'T SUCK AFTER ALL!

NEW "PotC 2" TRAILER HITS! DEPP! FISH-FACED PEOPLE! A DERISIVE SMELL OF TUNA!

BOND. JAMES BOND. SWEET TEASER. NOW IN ENGLISH!

"SUPERMAN RETURNS" HAS A TRAILER! WITH DIALOGUE! PROVING THAT BRYAN SINGER HAS MADE A CAMPY 80'S SUPERMAN MOVIE WITH SWEET SPECIAL EFFECTS! GRATS!

JAN DE BONT SUCKS. HARD. WITH AN OFFICIAL SEQUEL TO "DRACULA".

WE THINK IT'S TIME FOR SOME "SOUTHLAND TALES" PICS! SO DOES JOBLO.COM!

BRENDAN FRASER HAS A SPAWN, SPURS RUMORS OF "LITTLE ENCINO MAN".

A LIVE ACTION "JETSONS" MOVIE? DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM "THE FLINTSTONES?"

WHAT DO THE WEINSTEINS HAVE IN STORE FOR THE FILM-GOERS THIS SUMMER? WHY "CLERKS 2" AND "DEAD OR ALIVE" OF COURSE! LET THE JAY & SILENT BOB REFERENCES BEGIN! SNOOGINS!

NOT ENOUGH CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER? HOW ABOUT A REVAMP OF "NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS" IN GLORIOUS 3-D?!?

"MAGNETO" MOVIE TO BE A PREQUEL, WITH IAN PLAYING HIMSELF COMPUTERLY YOUNG. BONG!

NOT ENOUGH OCEAN MONSTER MOVIES? TRY NEW LINE'S "20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA"!

NOT ENOUGH HEADLINES STARTING WITH "NOT ENOUGH..."? HOW ABOUT "NOT ENOUGH HUGH GRANT IN 'OCEAN'S 13'? JUST WAIT!" SUCK IT.

THE FAV HITS MYSPACE WITH "IRONMAN" UPDATES!

MAYBE THEY'LL WISH WE WERE DEAD, BUT DO US A FAVOR...IF YOU'RE ON "THE SOPRANOS" YOU'RE NOT REALLY A GANGSTER! STOP DOING STUPID SHIT!

WHAT IF WE TOLD YOU "BEVERLY HILLS COP 4"? WOULD YOU STILL WISH WE WERE DEAD?

AFFLECK TO PLAY THE NEW STAR TREK HERO? KIRK? SOMEONE ELSE? MAYBE THEY CAN GET DAMON TO PLAY "BONES" MCCOY! OOOOH, AND KEVIN SMITH COULD DIRECT IT, WITH J. J. ABRAMS PRODUCING, FROM A SCRIPT BY JOSS WHEDON! SNOOTCHIE-BOOTCHIES!

QUOTH MSNBC, ON PEARL JAM'S NEW RECORD: "AGGRESSIVE START GIVES WAY TO CLASSIC ROCK CLICHES AND WEAK LYRICS". WHAT? YOU MEAN WEAK LIKE JAMES BLUNT OR WEAK LIKE MADONNA? EITHER WAY, SOUNDS LIKE PLATINUM TO US.

"RED SONYA" GETS NEW BOOBS... I MEAN...A NEW MOVIE DEAL. NO WORD YET ON WHETHER BRIGITTE, ARNOLD OR EVEN FLAVOR FLAV WILL GET THE CALL.

AND FINALLY, IN A STUNNING BIT OF NEWS, WASHED UP "98 DEGREES" MEMBER JEFF TIMMONS IS ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING, CAN'T SING HIS WAY OUT OF PAYING BAIL, BUT CAN A REALITY SERIES BE FAR BEHIND? MAYBE HE SHOULD START BANGING ONE OF THE TALENTLESS SIMPSON HORSES.

There's your catch-up. Enjoy.
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-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep