Compiled News 5-4 thru 5-8-06

New computers are on the way...or so we've been told. Hope you had a good weekend, and are back in the old grind. But hey, what would Monday be without the NEWS:

YOUR MISSION, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT, IS TO ACTUALLY GO SEE "MI:3" 'CAUSE NOBODY ELSE DID. AND BY "NOBODY" I MEAN, "NOT AS MANY PEOPLE AS WENT TO SEE 'MI:2'". CRUISE QUOTED AS SAYING "DID I GET SOME BAD PRESS OR SOMETHING?". DISAPPOINTING.

AXL ROSE, NOTORIOUS LIAR, SAYS NEW "GUNS-N-ROSES" ALBUM COMING OUT IN THE FALL. DO PEOPLE REALLY CARE ANYMORE? THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN RELEVANT 10 YEARS AGO...BUT NOW?

"CASINO ROYALE" TEASER SITE HIT THE GLORIOUS INTARWUB.

AS IF HE HAS ANY BRAIN LEFT, KEITH RICHARDS HAS SURGERY ON IT.

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW, THE "24" MOVIE WON'T BE IN REAL TIME. BUT IT WILL BE OVER THE POND.

"THE PRISONER" GETS THE BRITTISH REMAKE TREATMENT. PREPARE TO BE CHASED BY BEACH BALLS.

ADAM SANDLER'S WIFE POOPS OUT A LITTLE HAPPY MADISON!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT CHRIS TUCKER WAS DEAD...."RUSH HOUR 3"!

DIDN'T GET ENOUGH "WRONG TURN"? TASTE THE SEQUEL!

"SAW III WITH A VENGENCE" STARTS SHOOTING NEXT WEEK WITH TOBIN BELL, SHAWNEE SMITH, ANGUS MACFAYDEN AND BAHAR SOOMEKH. HERE'S THE SITE!

DOCU-BIO OF CRAZY GUY TO COME OUT SOON. WHICH CRAZY GUY? WHY, DENNIS HOPPER, OF COURSE!

"FANTASTIC FOUR 2" TAKES ONE STEP CLOSER TO SILVER SURFING THROUGH THE GALACTUS.

"THE HITCHER" STOPS BY "ONE TREE HILL" FOR SOME BUSH.

AS IF THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE HADN'T CAST ENOUGH PEOPLE, HERE'S MORE!

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST: TORI "MAD MONSTER" SPELLING GETS HITCHED AGAIN! OR: ANOTHER DUDE FINDS HIS GET RICH QUICK SCHEME!

AND FINALLY, THEY HAVE DECIDED TO COMBINE "STAR WARS" AND "LORD OF THE RINGS", IN ORDER TO MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR LOWLY NERDS WORLDWIDE. AND BY "THEY", I MEAN "THE KING NERDS OF NERDOPOLIS".

That's it, folks. Couple days off and there's not much to report.
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-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep