Compiled News 9-30-05

Four actors are currently reading to be the new James Bond in Casino Royale, a spirited re-telling of the David Niven classic.

They are:

Daniel Craig (The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles)

Henry Cavill (Hellraiser: Hellworld)

Sam Worthington (Dirty Deeds)

And

Goran Visnjic (Madonna: The Video Collection 93:99)

Will there ever be another James Bond? Isn’t Timothy Dalton (Flash Gordon) around? I heard he’d work for sandwiches and air conditioning.


Ø There will be direct-to-video sequels to “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and “XXX”. According to our dear friends at Dark Horizons and IMDB, the title of the former will be “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer” and it will star Brooke Nevin (Animorphs) and Don Shanks (3 Ninjas Knuckle Up).

Ø Continuing our Bond theme, it appears that the all-important Baccarat game in Casino Royale is being changed to Celebrity Boxing. Not really, but it might as well be. It’s being changed to no-limit Texas Hold ‘Em. Read more at our friendly neighborhood CommanderBond.Net.

Ø Sadly, there is another FF movie being made. No, we don’t have news on another Fantastic Four film, but rather the third in a long line of films about car drivin’! This time around the part of “stale actor” will be played by Lucas Black (Killer Diller), instead of Paul Walker (Highway To Heaven). He will have a strong supporting cast featuring Bow Wow (Carmen: A Hip Hopera), in Fast & Furious 3: Tokyo Drift. Thanks, America.

Stay not on fire,

Constable Kreegal
Big Boss Of The Sheep

Ali G, Season 2. And music.

I just finished watching Season 2 of "Da Ali G Show" and have quit my job to follow Sasha Baron Cohen around waving a palm branch.

Although not as consistently shockingly funny as the first season, there are heavier hitters (Pat Buchanan? Sam Donaldson? Noam Chomsky?) and plenty of the horrifying moments of un-selfaware revelations and nerve-wracking awkward moments that one has come to love from the show, despite the accompanying dyspeptic feeling.

One of the highlights: Borat, the Kazichstanian local TV personality, leads a sing-a-long of yokels in a country-and-western bar with an original tune the crowd seems unwilling to embrace until the celebratory repeated coda-chorus, "Throw the Jew down the well/you have to catch him by the horns/...then we'll all party." The glee and sincerity with which the cowboy-hatted peanut-crunchers sing out this bit of song--which was completely unfamiliar to them 30 seconds ago--was so amazing that it reminded me of that stupid Aquafina commercial--a parody, itself, of an Irish drinking song--where everyone's having a gay old time singing and swingling their drinks back-and-forth. The fact that Cohen-as-Borat is Jewish makes it all the more exhilaratingly perplexing to watch. You really can't believe what you're seeing.

Like when Borat--my favorite Cohen alterego, if you couldn't tell--gets an old southern hunter to admit--without prodding, I might add--that it would be no problem with him if they had Jews to hunt on the hunting grounds along with the elk and deer. Yeah. The really scary part is that these folks are not the twirling-moustache variety of evil people. They look just like normal bumpkins. The kind who'd loan you a chainsaw or wheelbarrow, perhaps, with a smile. That's what makes it all the more shocking when those things escape their lips without so much as an embarrassed, apologetic "oops" face.

Also amazing is how Cohen, as Ali G, gets these people on his show to begin with, let alone rapping Ali G-penned rhymes IN DIALECT at the end of the segments. Most of them have the extreme, purposeful patience of a new babysitter watching a retarded, inquisitive, 6-year-old (which, if one were to add sex-obsessed and high, would fairly accurately describe the Ali G persona). The one exception is Andy Rooney, the deathless crankshaft of "60 Minutes'" final commentary segment. Man, this guy is SUCH as asshole it's unbelievable. He barely gets interviewed because he spends the whole time nastily correcting Ali's grammar. I mean, why bother? And if you felt like it was your place to initiate a tutoring session in the midst of an interview, you could at least be polite about it. I never liked the elderly before, but Rooney sealed the deal for me. Take away their licenses and trip them whenever you see them.

I could go on, but I don't want to spoil the fun. Honestly, it's just about the best thing out there as far as televised comedy is concerned, and at the very least one of the smartest. And Cohen deserves way more attention and credit for his work on the show. He blows the likes of SNL performers AWAY.

Music wise.

The New Pornographers new disc, "Twin Cinema" is a safe bet if you like bright, smart, catchy, jangly uptempo guitar pop with a slight edge. The musical equivalent of a sweet-and-sour (insert candy name here), it's like a brit sounding Fountains of Wayne, early Weezer kind of thing.

The new Stones disc doesn't suck. That's all I'll say.

Frank Black's "Honeycomb" is quite strong and strikes me as a countrified Leonard Cohen record from the mid-'70s.

And there's a new band from NYC that I just found out about. They're called The Teenage Prayers and they sound like old Motown soul by way of David Bowie (think a little "Young Americans") with a decent guitar-driven traditional pop-rock anchor. They're new record "10 Songs" comes out soon. Check them out.

www.myspace.com/theteenageprayers
www.teenageprayers.com

Duncan out.

Episode 2

We are in the process of assembling the SHEEP TEAM. Soon there will be ridiculous amounts of unfiltered content for you to feast on.

In the coming days we will have:

• A Review Of "Domino" the new film by Tony Scott opening Oct. 14th
  
• A Review Of "Two For The Money" the new Pacino / McConaughey film opening Oct. 7th
  
• A Re-Cap of the Q&A with "Serenity" Cast & Crew at Universal Studios last Saturday, Sept. 24th
  

...and I'm sure there will be much, MUCH more. If you're interested in writing for Celluloid Sheep, send an electronic mail, minus the spaces, etc., to: c e l l u l o i d s h e e p (at sign) g m a i l (dot) c o m.

Thanks for playing,

Constable Kreegal
Big Boss Of The Sheep

Episode 1

Welcome To "Celluloid Sheep", a spankin' new Entertainment Blog for your viewing and reading pleasure. We'll have reviews of movies and television, perhaps even books and music, if any of us knew how to read or listen.

In the coming days, know that we will spare no verbage nor language in our tirades here. Everyone's opinions are their own, and we at The Sheep don't agree or disagree. Say what you want in the comments. That's for your hate. We retain the right to remove or ban anything and anyone we choose at any time with no warning. We'll probably do that to each other, too, so get over it.

The authors of each segment may not even agree with whatever they're writing, so if you are easily offended, suck it. We're writing what we want to write about what we want to write about, and if you don't like it, you can visit somebody else's website and complain about that one instead. We aren't in the business of caring about what people think about what we write, but rather caring, passionately about our opinions. Or sometimes not. It just depends on the mood, I guess.

We will steal information from plenty of other websites, but always giving credit where credit it due. Our goal is to bring together everything you want to know from everywhere. If we miss something, chances are we're lazy, not stupid.

Believe me when I tell you that there will be a bevy of hits coming this way in the near future.

Constable Kreegal
Big Boss Of The Sheep