Friday-Spider-Man 3-What Else Do You Need?

Here's the news today, you suckers:



And SONY says that it's not a black & white photo. SONY thinks they are clever. Can you taste the symbiote?

SUPERHERO HYPE
This link doesn't have spoilers, but if you want slapped in the boobs, here's a link to an AICN story:

AICN RUINS SPIDER-MAN 3

Follow the link, if you must, be beware of RIDICULOUS spoilers, if any of it is true.

But we love'em anyway, right?

Have a good weekend.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-17 thru 23-06

We here at The Sheep hate computers, and we hate working for a living. There is nothing in the world like system failures and server mishaps. If we didn't know any better, we'd say that one day computers were going to take over the world, projecting a false reality in our minds while harvesting our bodies for fuel. Man. That would be a good movie. I hope they haven't made three of them yet.

Anyway, we apologize for the delay in news, but if you were smart, you went to all of our friends at the right and read it from them. If not, we'll catch you up and slap your fanny. Regardless, we have better headlines. Word to your mother.

Here's the old & new news, like you don't already know:

MARSHALL PLANE CRASH MOVIE GETS A BIT OF "GOOD LUCK". GIVE HIM AN OSCAR! ALSO, THE FILM IS CURRENTLY CALLED "WE ARE MARSHALL". GO HERD!

NATHAN FILLION TAKES YOU BEHIND THE SCENES OF "SLITHER"!

EVERYBODY IS HATING ON DANIEL CRAIG, SO NOT ONLY DOES HE GET HIS FRONT TEETH KNOCKED OUT, BUT HE CAN'T DRIVE A STICK, EITHER. SO, BY ALL RESPECTS... I CAN BE JAMES BOND! NICE!

VOTE FOR THE GOLDEN SCHMOES ON JOBLO.COM!

"FUN WITH DICK AND JANE" STEALS YOUR MONEY IN APRIL.

"WEDDING CRASHERS" DIRECTOR JUMPS SHIP ON GAY SANDLER MOVIE.

"THE FAMILY STONE" HITS DVD SHELVES AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S PURSE IN MAY.

PICS FROM "ERAGON", BECAUSE EVERYBODY WHO WRITES A CRAPPY FANTASY NOVEL SHOULD IMMEDIATELY HAVE IT MADE INTO A MOVIE....BUY MY BOOK!

ENTER INTO THE HOWARD STERN FILM FESTIVAL! I'M SURE IT'S GREAT!

"LONESOME JIM", THE STEVE BUSCEMI DIRECTED CASEY AFFLECK MOVIE HAS A POSTER. I SMELL OSCAR!

"A SCANNER DARKLY" POSTER & TRAILER, HAILING THE COMING OF ONE THIS YEAR'S BEST FILMS WE AT THE SHEEP HAVE ALREADY SEEN!

BIG NEWS FOR "PASSIONS" FANS...YES, I'M LOOKING AT YOU...JUSTIN HARTLEY IS THE NEW "AQUAMAN" IN THE CW (FORMERLY WB) SPIN-OFF FROM SMALLVILLE "MERCY REEF" (YES, THAT'S THE TITLE). ALSO, IT WILL HAVE VING RHAMES. OK, WE'RE SOLD.

FINALLY, "BATMAN 2" AND "SUPERMAN 2" ARE SET IN STONE AS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, AFTER THEIR DIRECTORS GET DONE MAKING OTHER, LESS IMPORTANT MOVIES.

NEW FRIDAY THE 13TH GETS A DIRECTOR.

JON STEWART PREPARES FOR THE OSCARS BY NOT PREPARING FOR THE OSCARS.

MARKY-MARK & ANTOINE FUQUA ARE MAKING A MOVIE, NO DOUBT FULL OF SOME HOW OSCAR-WORTHY STEREOTYPES LIKE "TRAINING DAY".

BAZ LUHRMANN TALKS ABOUT HIS NEXT "EPIC", WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE CALLED "WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S STRICTLY MOULIN". OR NOT.

MOVIE MOBSTER GETS HIT BY A BUS. R.I.P RICHARD BRIGHT.

AFTER NEARLY MINUTES OF PATIENT WAITING, THE "JURASSIC PARK 4" SCRIPT IS DONE. BE STILL MY SEQUEL HEART.

MICHAEL STIPE HATES WAR, PEOPLE, WILL HEADLINE CONCERT ABOUT IT.

MISCHA BARTON & SHIRLEY MACLAINE MAKE A WAR MOVIE, FULL OF LOVE, HOPE AND SHELL CASINGS.

ELTON JOHN AND CELINE DION SING TOGETHER FOR FIRST TIME, MAKE HURRICAN VICTIMS RICH.

ANNE HATHAWAY, FOLLOWING THE SUCCESS OF HER FIRST COMEDY "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN", IS FOLLOWING IT UP WITH "KNOCKED UP" BY THE GUY WHO DIRECTED "THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN". I SMELL OSCAR! WAIT, MAYBE THAT'S MY FEET. NEVERMIND.

JAMES MANGOLD, THE GUY WHAT DIRECTED "WALK THE LINE" IS DOING A RAILROAD MOVIE, NO WORD YET ON WHETHER JOHNNY CASH WILL WALK DOWN THE TRACK.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, PICS FROM "SCARY MOVIE 4"! OH...THAT WASN'T YOU? OH WELL.

DIDN'T GET ENOUGH "PIRATES..." POSTERS? WELL, FEAR NOT!

SPIELBERG FINALLY ADMITS HE'S MAKING "INDY 4" TO THE MEDIA! NO, NOT "MEDIA" LIKE US, BUT A "REAL" NEWSPAPER KIND OF MEDIA!

BRITNEY SPEARS READY TO FILL "LULL" IN POP MUSIC, KEEP ENDANGERING HER CHILD, BUYING 'LUDES FOR HER P.O.S. HUSBAND.

IF I WERE GOING TO MAKE GALACTUS FIGHT THE FANTASTIC FOUR, I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE KEANU REEVES BE THE SILVER SURFER. I MEAN, HELLO..."POINT BREAK"? ANYBODY? HELLOOOO? WHOA.

OBSCURE FAMILY THAT INSPIRED "THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY" SUFFERS LOSS OF LEAD SINGER, "COWSILLS" FANS EVERYWHERE RIOT.

"X-MEN" GRACE THE COVER OF EMPIRE MAGAZINE, TWO AT A TIME.

GUYS WHAT KILLED PRINCESS DIANA GET FINED A DOLLAR. OK, A "EURO", BUT STILL...

BIG FAN OF "LEBOWSKI"? GO TO A LEBOWSKIFEST, WHINER.

LENO APOLOGIZES TO MUDD GUY, GUY'S NAME STILL MUDD.

HERE'S YOUR FRENCH "BASIC INSTINCT 2" POSTER YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO SEE.

MARVEL'S GO TO GUY GOES TO WRITING THE SCRIPT FOR THE NEW "CAPTAIN AMERICA" MOVIE. IN OTHER NEWS, IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW, THERE'S GOING TO BE A "CAPTAIN AMERICA" MOVIE.

IN A STUNNING REVELATION, "NAKED CELEBRITIES" SELL MAGAZINES! WHO WOULDA' THUNK IT?

HERE'S AN UPDATE ON THAT ALL-IMPORTANT "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT FINALLY GET MADE. C'MON JOHN ROGERS & MICHAEL BAY...LET'S QUIT BULLSHITTING AND GET SOME ROBOTS IN DISGUISE, HUH?

JUST LIKE A BAD DRUG HABIT, WITH THE COMING OF A NEW SEASON OF "THE SOPRANOS" (3 YEARS LATER), THERE IS ALSO A POSTER WHERE EVERYBODY STANDS (OR SITS) AROUND LOOKING ALL EMOTIVE AND ANGRY. GRATS!

DON'T CALL LINDSAY LOHAN A "TEEN QUEEN"..."CRACKED-OUT, TALENTLESS SHE-BITCH", MAYBE, BUT NOT "TEEN QUEEN".

That's it, folks. Hope you're caught up. We'll see if we can get back on schedule for tomorrow, and then, after the weekend, hit it hard again on Monday.

Suck it,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-16-06

Since we are part of the liberal media, I would like to say:

"Here's the news!"

NERD'S OF THE WORLD UNITE! WARREN ELLIS & JOSS WHEDON GO 'ROUND 'N 'ROUND AT WARRENELLIS.COM!

A WEBSITE FOR "SNAKES ON A PLANE!", OR: A WEBSITE FOR THE BEST MOVIE EVER.

"DA VINCI CODE" PICS GALORE! GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!

GREAT NEW IMAGE FROM "SILENT HILL", 'CAUSE BLOOD IS GREAT AND SO ARE YOU!

WHEN MORGAN FREEMAN (OR, AS MY FRIEND'S GRANDMOTHER CALLS HIM, "DANNY GLOVER")WANTS TO BE THE DEVIL, YOU BETTER LISTEN.

DID WE SHOW YOU ALL OF THESE "X3" POSTERS YET AND MAKE A RENT JOKE? IF NOT, HERE THEY ARE. CLICK UNDERNEATH THE ORIGINAL TO SEE THE OTHERS. IT'S LIKE A SLIDE SHOW FROM 1990.

HOW ABOUT THE "10 GREATEST SCI-FI FILMS NEVER MADE"? YEAH, WE THOUGHT SO.

THEY FINALLY CAST THE BAD GUY IN "CASINO ROYALE" BUT THE "BOND GIRL" IS ONLY NARROWED DOWN TO 2 OR 3. GLAD THAT ROLE IS SOOOO IMPORTANT. THEY'VE BEEN FILMING FOR THREE WEEKS.

MORE RIDICULOUS "BATMAN BEGINS AGAIN" RUMORS!

5 BOURNE ADVENTURES? WILL MATT DAMON NEVER LEARN WHO HE IS? WILL HE KEEP CASHING THOSE FAT CHECKS? DAMN, GRRRL.

PROVING THAT NO MATTER HOW "IN SHAPE" YOU ARE, YOUR GUTS WILL STILL BUST. JUST ASK MADONNA.

AH THOSE FRENCH, ALWAYS GETTING THE BEST POSTERS...HERE'S THEIRS FOR "PIRATES 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO".

HEATH LEDGER SAYS "BROKEBACK" IS DOING BETTER THAN HE HOPED, PAUSES TO KISS A DUDE.

JOHN MICHAEL MONTGOMERY ARRESTED FOR DUI, FINALLY GETS SOME NEW SONG INSPIRATION...IN THE BUTT. JUST KIDDING. HE DIDN'T GET ANY NEW INSPIRATION. HE'LL STILL BE STEALING SONGS FROM "ALL-4-ONE", JUST DRUNKER.

That's it! Go Home! See you tomorrow!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-14 & 15-06

Sorry for the day off, but I was out hunting with Citizen Dick Cheney, when all of a sudden that drunk S.O.B. turned on me with his shotgun and... forget it.

The Constable had to have emergency drilling done in his pie hole, and the drugs made the poor constable barf. I'm sure you wanted to know that, like we owe you an explanation. We're not the Vice President, after all.

The NEWS:

JEAN SMART OWNS "24", AND SHE AIN'T DONE YET.

JOSS WHEDON POO POOS THE NEW "FIREFLY SERIES ON THE CW" TALK, HOW ONLY HE CAN.

ON A BETTER NOTE, HOWEVER, IT LOOKS LIKE MAL & STARBUCK WILL TEAM-UP FOR "WHITE NOISE 2: FIREFLY GALACTICA".

GOSSETT'S "THE RED STAR" GETS HOOKED UP BY UNIVERSAL.

THAT GUY WHO DID A LOT OF ALIEN STUFF IS DEAD. ROMULAN...BABYLON 5ian...ONE-ARMED-MANian...FRIENDian.

IF YOU ARE A BAD GUY IN LOS ANGELES, YOU NEED TO FEAR THE HULK.

O'BRIEN GETS FINNISH, EATS CHOCOLATE, STROKES TROLLS.

THE 2006 SATURN AWARD NOMINATIONS ARE OUT! THINK SCI-FI, BATMAN!

DEMI MOORE IS STEALING MICHAEL CAINE'S FAMILY JEWELS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

EDDIE MURPHY IS MAKING ANOTHER SHITTY SCI-FI MOVIE, THOUGH THIS ONE ISN'T "PLUTO NASH 2", BUT RATHER "STARSHIP DAVE".

MICHAEL BAY'S "FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART 11: PEARL HARBOR" IS FULL-STEAM AHEAD. AND WHY ISN'T TARANTINO DIRECTING THIS?

REMEMBER THAT BOLLYWOOD "FIGHT CLUB" WE WERE TALKING ABOUT OVER DINNER A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO? HERE'S THE TRAILER. PREPARE TO SING AND DANCE, DURDEN-STYLE.

WILLIE NELSON SINGS A GAY COWBOY SONG THAT ACTUALLY NOT FROM "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN".

PAMELA ANDERSON IS A NO-TALENT, RAGE-INDUCING WHORE, AND I HOPE SHE STAYS OUT OF KENTUCKY FOREVER....WAIT...OH, SHE REALLY IS? COOL. SCREW THE CHICKENS.

SOME PRISSY BITCH WHO HATES AMERICA AND CAN'T GET LAID IS TAKING THE WRITERS OF "FRIENDS" TO COURT.

"SWINGERS" BOYS TO GET THE SHIT SHINED OUT OF THEM IN ASPEN. YUK YUK YUK.

JUDGE JUDY IS 10 YEARS OLD AND SHE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 90.

That's it, land lubbers. Enjoy. See you tomorrow, whether I can talk or not.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-11 & 12 &13-06

Did you have a great weekend? We did.

Just so you know, Gary Oldman & David Thewlis are still in negotiations to play Sirius Black & Prof. Lupin in "Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix". It's not 100% yet, but I wouldn't get your panties in too much of a bunch. They wouldn't even start shooting until the summer. So back up off it!

Here's the news:

THE BOX-OFFICE FEELS THE PINK OF THE PANTHER.

PETER BENCHLEY FINALLY GETS EATEN BY THE JAWS OF DEATH.

DISNEY MIGHT GO BACK TO MAKING GOOD CARTOONS!

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR WILL FARRELL'S NEW ONE: "TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY"!

UNCLE OWEN JOINS AUNT BERU IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY.

WONDERCON DAY 1 NEWS! STAR WARS, KEVIN SMITH, BRYAN SINGER!!

WONDERCON DAY 2 NEWS! MORE KEVIN SMITH, FRANK MILLER, SIN CITY 2!

WHAT WON'T TARANTINO DO FOR HIS ART?

CAPTAIN KIRK'S DVD CLUB WILL BRING YOU THE BEST OF THE BLAH IN SCI-FI!

RAMBO IV TO BE DIRECTED BY RAMBO, STARRING RAMBO. THE STALLONE TRAIN KEEPS ON ROLLIN'.

GWYNETH PALTROW SAYS SHE WON'T MAKE ANY MORE BIG BUDGET FILMS, STANDS QUIETLY FOR A MOMENT TO SEE IF ANYONE CARES. *CRICKETS*

IAN MCKELLEN HATES STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE "GILMORE GIRLS"?

That's about it for today.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, you schmucks. Don't forget it. There. You've been warned.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-10-06

Ah, the last news of the week. I hope you get a heapin' helpin'.

The news:

TALADEGA NIGHTS TO PREVIEW IN FRONT OF FINAL DESTINATION, "SPIDER-MAN 3" TO TRAILER BEFORE "TALADEGA NIGHTS"! IT'S A VICIOUS WILL FARRELL-SAM RAIMI CIRCLE!

MICHAEL KEATON TO STAR IN RODRIGUEZ'S SECTION OF "GRINDHOUSE"?!? AND DANNY TREJO?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? I KNEW THERE WAS A GOD.

"SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGENCE" IS FINALLY ON THE WAY...HERE'S THE DIRTY BRIT TRAILER!

CHANCES ARE GOOD THAT THE LAST NETWORK "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT"(S) YOU'LL EVER SEE ARE ON TONIGHT!

BOLLYWOOD REMAKE OF "FIGHT CLUB" PROMISES THE "FULL SONG AND DANCE" APPROACH. TYLER DURDEN HATES YOU.

WANT TO KNOW ALL ABOUT THE SCRIPT FOR "CASINO ROYALE"? HERE YA GO. DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T SPOIL YA.

VAL KILMER GETS INTO HIS "DARK MATTER" WITH MERYL STREEP.

JENNIFER BEALS GETS TO MUFF DIVE "THE GRUDGE 2".

ICE CUBE TO REMAKE "MR. BLANDINGS..." AS "ARE WE THERE YET 2: SERIOUSLY ARE WE THERE YET?". TWO CRAP FESTS MELDED INTO ONE. AIN'T AMERICA GRAND?

ONLY SIDNEY LUMET COULD PUT HAIR ON VIN DIESEL'S HEAD.

JOBLO.COM INTRODUCES "MOVIEHOTTIES.COM", WHERE ALL THE MOVIEHOTTIES GO!

AND THE UPCOMING FILM WITH THE MOST F-WORDS GOES TO "RUNNING SCARED" WITH PAUL WALKER! CLICKY THE CLIPY!

R.I.P. FRANK COVER, THE INTERRACIALLY MARRIED NEIGHBOR ON "THE JEFFERSONS".

WILLIE NELSON SWIMS IN DIESEL FUEL, TRIES TO SELL IT TO AMERICA.

CLARKSON SUBS "AMERICAN IDOL", CONTINUES BEING RICH LONG AFTER HER CONTRACT WITH THEM HAS RUN OUT. SORRY SIMON.

SCOTT STORCH, ANGRY PRODUCER, COMPLAINS ABOUT THE GRAMMYS, CONTINUES MAKING SHITTY HIP-HOP.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, SCARLETT JOHANSSON & KEIRA KNIGHTLEY GET ALL NEKKID ON THE COVER OF VANITY FAIR, RACHAEL MCADAMS CONTINUES TO BE DEMURE. GUESS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE FAMOUS.

BRITNEY SPEARS IS A BAD MOTHER. AND THIS SURPRISES WHO, EXACTLY? SOME PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING TO STAY IN THE NEWS, EVEN IF IT MEANS KILLING BABIES.

That's it kids. You're all caught up. Thanks for stickin' in. Go visit our friends on the right. Leave us a comment or two. Go see something fun this weekend (like there are any good movies opening), and we'll see you on Monday with another healthy dose of THE SHEEP!

Oh, and the Olympics start tonight. Be sure to set your TiVos to "Who Cares".

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-4 & 5 & 6 & 7 & 8 & 9-06

MR. ANDERSON! Welcome back.....

Sorry for the downtime folks, but we hope a picture from a Matrix movie makes you feel better. The Sheep might be a little buggy for the next few days, but luckily, if we get up the news today and tomorrow, we'll be rockin' like Dokken.

Thanks for taking the time to wait it out with us.

Here's the catch-up news...there's a lot, so tread heavily:

A CLIP FROM "THE DA VINCI CODE"!

THE GRAMMY RUN-DOWN, OR: U2 CAN DEFEAT KANYE WEST IF YOU'RE SLY LIKE A CLARKSON STONE...OR SOMETHING EQUALLY DULL.

BREAKING NEWS: SLY STONE IS ALIVE.

HARRISON FORD STANDS BEHIND THE FIREWALL, STILL DRUNK.

AL MICHAELS LEAVES "MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL" TO CALL PLAYS WITH MADDEN 2006 ON SUNDAY NIGHTS ON NBC.

LES PAUL AIN'T CURRENTLY ROCKIN' HARDCORE.

"FAMOUS" FAT ITALIAN TO SING AT WINTER OLYMPICS OPENING...AND NO, IT'S NOT BRANDO'S GHOST.

YOUR SOON TO BE EVERY-FEW-DAYS DOSE OF "X-MEN 3: THE LAST STAND" PICS.

DAMON & AFFLECK TO RE-TEAM FOR A LAWYER MOVIE, AND WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THE CREDITS MATT DAMON HAS COMING OUT THIS YEAR?

PETER SAAAAARSSGAAAAAAARD TO BE IN THE FILM ADAPTATION OF CRAIG LUCAS' "SMALL TRAGEDY"!

GIMMIE BACK THE STEVE MARTIN I LOVE!

BAZ LUHRMANN'S NEW "EPIC" STARTS FILMING THIS YEAR. IT'S A WORLD WAR II ROMANCE...BUT DO THEY SING?!?

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS A "BAYWATCH" MOVIE.

ADAM SANDLER & KEVIN JAMES TO WEAVE A TALE THAT WILL ROCK THE VERY FOUNDATIONS OF AMERICA...OR, RATHER...THEY'RE GOING "BROKEBACK".

WANT ANOTHER PIC TO QUENCH YOUR APPETITE FOR DOPE SMOKING, CAT POOPING, HIPPIE COMICS-COME-TO-SCREEN LOVE? HERE'S A NEW "FABULOUS FURRY FREAK BROTHERS" STILL.

ELI ROTH TALKS "HOSTEL" UNCUT VERSION, LOCKS REPORTER IN A ROOM AND TORTURES HIM.

CONAN O'BRIAN IS GOIN' TA FINLAND!

TEN BEST T.V. ROMANCES, AS DECIDED BY PEOPLE AT THE ONION AV CLUB.

FOLLOW THAT WITH NBC'S "BEST & WORST T.V. COUPLES", AND YOU'VE GOT BLEEDING EYES FOR A WEEK.

"SUNNYVALE" WINS "GOLDEN GROUNDHOG". IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, CLICK THE LINK, SUCKER.

CASTING RUMOR, ESPECIALLY SOME ABOUT ANGELIA JOLIE PITT BEING "A DAME TO KILL FOR"!

MORE SPIDER-MAN 3 LIES THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A VENOM-STICK AT!

EDDIE IZZARD & MINNIE DRIVER GET THEIR OWN T.V. SHOW ON FX!! HOLY CRAP!!

"NACHO LIBRE" GETS A RIDICULOUS POSTER AND AN EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS TRAILER!

TIRED OF NOT HAVING A 14-DISC SET OF SUPERMAN MOVIES, INCLUDING THE OFTEN LIED ABOUT "DONNER CUT" OF "SUPERMAN 2"? WELL, WAIT JUST A LITTLE LONGER, AND YOU'LL GET IT ALL. WE PROMISE.

"SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE" AS IT WAS ORIGINALLY INTENDED. THIS MAKES US SMILE.

"BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN"...IS IT ART...OR AGENDA?

GRANDPA MUNSTER CLOSES HIS COFFIN FOR GOOD.

That's a pretty good recap. If we missed something important, and we're sure we did, leave a comment, or, if you work here, POST IT YOURSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Yes, it's good to be back.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Unfortunate Downtime

Due to computer problems both at work and at home, Celluloid Sheep will be down for several days as we address some connectivity issues.

Please continue to visit our friends on the sidebar at the right. They'll have everything you need, just without the pithy headlines.

Wish us luck, and don't take any wooden nickels.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-3-06

It's FRIDAY! Here's the news:

HEATHER LOCLEAR & RICHIE SAMBORA FILE FOR DIVORCE, BON JOVI FINALLY GETS HIS MAN.

WONDERCON HITS SAN FRAN THIS WEEKEND, AND HERE'S THE PRESS RELEASE TO PROVE IT!

MADSEN THE INDY 4 DAMSEL?

AMANDA PEET JOINS AARON SORKIN'S NEW SHOW, PROBABLY WON'T SHOW HER TITTIES TO MATTHEW PERRY AGAIN. PROBABLY.

ALL SORTS OF CELEBRITIES CHIME IN ON WHO THEY THINK WILL WIN THE SUPERDY SUPERDY BOWL ON SUNDAY. SEEM LIKE 'DA STILLERS' ARE 'DA FAV'RIT'.

WHO PULLED AXE-FACE OUTTA THAT CAR CRASH LAST WEEK? WHY, WERNOR HERZOG, OF COURSE. NO GRIZZLY MEN CONTRIBUTED TO THIS HEADLINE.

NOT WANTING TO SUCK LIKE THE PREQUELS ANYMORE, "STAR WARS GALAXIES" REVAMPS TO BECOME MORE "STAR WARSY", CONTINUE TO FAIL AT BEING AS GOOD AS "WOW" OR "EVERQUEST". BUT IT'S STILL BETTER THAN "EQ2" RIGHT?

WHAT DOES NEW LINE HAVE COMING AT YOU IN 2006? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT. IF YOU DARE. WE DID. NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED.

THE CRUISER TAKES A WHACK AT THE SUPERBOWL ON SUNDAY WITH A BUNCH OF "MI:3" NONSENSE.

That's it. Have a good weekend. Watch the Superbowl, or don't. Go see some movies. Or don't. Count your chickens before they're hatched. DO SOMETHING, WON'T YOU?!?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-2-06

Thursday. The day that rent is due, and the Big Boss is broke as a joke. So, on that happy note, here's your news:

BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD GOES BLONDE ON THE TONIGHT SHOW, PREPARES TO TICKLE SPIDER-MAN'S BALLS!

REBECCA DE MORNAY & BETTY BUCKLEY TO GUEST ON "LAW & ORDER: SVU" THIS TUESDAY!

UMBRIDGE! TONKS! LUNA! ASSLOADS OF "HARRY POTTER 5" CASTING NEWS & PLOT ROUND-UP!

PRINCE CASPIAN, OR "NARNIA 2: STILL KICKING KING KONG ASS" SET FOR 2007 RELEASE.

TARANTINO & RODRIGUEZ CHANGE NAME OF MOVIE TO "GRIND", PREPARE FAKE TRAILERS.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" TRAILER, JUST BECAUSE.

NEW MOVIE POSTERS, MANY FROM FOREIGN LANDS.

EMMERICH SELLS HIS NEW BIG BUDGET CAVEMAN MOVIE TO WARNER BROTHERS.

NEWEST BOND CONQUEST COULD BE RACHEL MCADAMS OR THANDIE NEWTON...OR NO ONE, SINCE THEY'VE ALREADY STARTED SHOOTING.

WERE-RABBITS AND CLAYMATION HIT THE DVD STANDS ON FEBRUARY 7TH. THAT'S LIKE, NEXT TUESDAY, DUDE.

"FINAL FANTASY VII: ADVENT CHILDREN" MOVIE WILL COME OUT ON DVD LATER THIS YEAR. IN OTHER NEWS, THERE'S ANOTHER FINAL FANTASY MOVIE.

THE FILM OF FRANK MILLER'S "300" IS NEARING RELEASE!

FOX CONTINUES TO GREEN-LIGHT NEW SCI-FI SHOWS!

That'll do for now. One more day until the "weekend", and three days 'til the Superbowl. I think I'll tape the commericals, but not the game. I can't wait to hate them.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-1-06

Welcome to February. Only 11 months until the Oscars. The heat is on.

Here's the news:

MATTHEW FOX TO PLAY RED DAWSON IN MARSHALL FOOTBALL MOVIE...CONTINUES MAKING STUFF THAT INVOLVES PLANE CRASHES.

TWO PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW HAVE BEEN CAST IN "HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX".

ALEX PROYAS TO DIRECT "IRON MAN"? COULD TONY STARK FLY INTO "DARK CITY" & DRINK WITH "THE CROW"?

CONTRASTING "24" MOVIE NEWS, AND BY "CONTRASTING" WE MEAN "DUMBASS".

THE WB DOES ITS BEST TO KILL "SUPERNATURAL" BY THROWING IT TO THURSDAYS, AND "EVERWOOD" FLOATS BACK TO MONDAYS.

LOOKING FOR THAT SWEET, SWEET "BREAK-UP" POSTER? NOW THE TABLOIDS CAN OFFICIALLY SAY THAT ANISTON & VAUGHN HAVE BEEN SEEN IN BED TOGETHER!

"NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD" AS PERFORMED BY BUNNIES. BUNNIES EAT BRAINS, TOO.

NO ONE HAS POWER LIKE "THE POWER OF THE DARK CRYSTAL"!

SARAH SILVERMAN BRINGS JESUS' MAGIC TO THE SMALL SCREEN, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT COMEDY CENTRAL WILL GIVE ANY COMEDIAN A JOB. JUST ASK CARLOS MENCIA...IT'S BEEN A WHOLE YEAR SINCE HE'S HAD TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE HOME DEPOT.

"SPIDER-MAN 3: THE GREAT SET-UP" CONTINUES.

THE COHEN BROTHERS ARE "COUNTRY" BOYS.

LIONSGATE GETS ANIMATED ABOUT MARVEL COMICS.

BONNAROO GETS IT RIGHT, WHERE COACHELLA GETS IT WRONG.

MAKING SURE IT'S LAST SEASON EATS SHIT, BRITNEY SPEARS WILL GUEST STAR ON "WILL & GRACE".

That's about enough for today. It's hump-day, so I don't want to tickle your naughties.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep