Compiled News 04-28-06

It's Friday! Reviews of Talladega Nights & The Break-up are pending.

And now, the news:


UMA IS ON OF OUR EX-GIRLFRIENDS, TOO, BUT SHE WASN'T REALLY "SUPER".

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, A BUNCH OF SHOWS ARE CALLING IT QUITS. WE AT THE SHEEP SAY "DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS WHEN YOU LEAVE". OTHERS SAYS, "AWWWW, WE'LL MISS YOU".

IN OTHER NEWS, ALL THREE "LAW & ORDER" SHOWS GET PICKED UP FOR NEW SEASONS, CONTINUING THE TRADITION OF SHOWING THE POLICE AS LIARS WHO WILL DO ANYTHING TO PUT SOMEONE IN JAIL, GUILTY OR NOT.

HOW 'BOUT A TEASER FOR "THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD"? OR AS WE LIKE TO CALL IT, "TAoJJbtCRF"? L337!

THE MIGHTY THOR GETS TO DROP HIS HAMMER ON CELLULOID!

MISSING DUDES SHOVING METAL UP THEIR BUTTS AND HURTING THEMSELVES? WAIT ONLY A BIT LONGER FOR JACKASS: NUMBER 2.

REMEMBER "STRANGERS WITH CANDY"? AMY SEDARIS HOPES YOU DO, SO HERE'S A TRAILER FOR THE PREQUEL MOVIE.

"HULK 2" VS. "THE ABOMINATION" TO SEE WHO CARES THE LEAST.

NOT ONLY WILL THE ASGARDIAN GOD GET A MOVIE, BUT JOHNNY F. GETS "IRON MAN", "CAPTAIN AMERICA" & "NICK FURY" GET WRITERS, JUMP ON THE MARVEL TRAIN.

AND FINALLY, JUST IN TIME TO REALLY AMP UP BOX OFFICE SALES FOR "THE DA VINCI CODE", HERE COMES THE VATICAN!! YOU'D THINK THE CATHOLICS WOULD HAVE ALREADY FIGURED OUT THAT "BOYCOTTING" = "HUGE REVENUE FOR WHATEVER IS BEING BOYCOTTED", BUT THEN AGAIN, THEY ALSO THINK GOD TALKS TO THE POPE.

Nothing brings the funny like blasphemy! Have a great weekend! Go see some movies, would ya?!?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-27-06

Tonight The Sheep sees THE BREAK-UP. Will we be broken up by the ha-ha's?

Who cares. Here's the news:


TO START THE DAY, THE SHEEP GIVES YOU VIKINGS!

MORE "SPIDEY 3" PICS. GOODNESS ME, IT'S AS IF THEY'RE ACTUALLY SHOOTING THE FILM NOW!

OPIE TALKS "DA VINCI" AND HOW THE "CODE" SIMPLY EQUALS HUGE AMOUNTS OF ONEYMAY IN HIS OCKETSPAY.

ALEC BALDWIN MENACES AN ACTRESS RIGHT OUT OF A BROADWAY PLAY, SAYS "YOU COME IN THIRD, YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED! THAT'S MY NAME!"

"BATTLESTAR GALACTICA" GETS THE SCI-FI PREQUEL TREATMENT. TEENAGE CYLONS REJOICE!

MSNBC LIKES TO THINK T.V. IS SMART ENOUGH TO HAVE UNREQUITED LOVE.

IT HAS TAKEN MANY YEARS FOR "ATLAS" TO FINALLY "SHRUG", BUT IT APPEARS THAT THE "SHRUGGING" MAY "ATLAS" MAKE IT TO THE BIG SCREEN. SORRY. IT'S EARLY.

CHUD REPORTS ON A REMAKE OF, IRONICALLY, C.H.U.D....

FROM OUR "BAD IDEA" DEPARTMENT, WES CRAVEN IS MAKING A SEQUEL TO HIS RETARDED MINERS EPIC "THE HILLS HAVE EYES".

IT'S THE "PERFECT TIME OF DAY" FOR PROBATION.

MIKE MEYERS IS GOING TO FIGHT ROBOTS, PROBABLY NOT DRESSED IN VELVET OR A FAT SUIT. PROBABLY NOT.

JERRY LEE LEWIS, STILL NOT DEAD, BRINGS OUT THE BIG GUNS FOR "REDEMPTION" DUE OUT IN SEPTEMBER, AND, FROM WHAT WE HEAR, HE STILL SCREWS HIS UNDER-AGE COUSINS.

It's Over!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-26-06

No Billy Bob movie last night. Sometimes life gets in the way.

However, it didn't get in the way of the NEWS:


SICK OF NOT SEEING THE COVER OF QUENTIN TARANTINO'S SCRIPT FOR "DEATH PROOF"? YOU'RE WELCOME!

ACTUAL PICS OF THE WEBSLINGER IN CLEVELAND! MY LIFELONG DREAM OF SEEING TOBEY TIED TO A TRUCK AND DRAGGED DOWN THE STREET IS FINALLY COMING TO FRUITION! NOW, IF THEY COULD ONLY FIND A WAY TO GET KIRSTEN, TOO! (JUST KIDDING. WE LOVE TOBEY).

WILL SMITH BECOMES ANOTHER "LEGEND", WILL SOON MOVE ON TO EATING SOYLENT GREEN AND PARTING THE RED SEA.

JASON "REYNOLDS-STYLE" LEE TO VOICE "UNDERDOG" IN THE NEW FILM, VS. THE DINK!

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ CHOOSES JAIL OVER COMMUNITY SERVICE, IS STILL A BITCH.

SEAAAAAAAAN PEEEEEEENN! AND THE "ALL THE KING'S MEN" TRAILER.

COSTNER WANKS IT IN SCOTLAND!

FINCHER FINALLY TALKS "ZODIAC"...AND APPLE HAS A 4 MINUTE INTERVIEW. AW SHUCKS.

PROVING THAT BEING KNOCKED UP GETS HER MORE PRESS THAN HER SHITTY SINGING, BRITNEY SPEARS TAKES THE FEDERSEED AGAIN!

That'll do for today, I think.

Remember: Click. Refresh. Click. Refresh.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 04-25-06

Saw TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY last night. You'll see it in August or something. I laughed 'til I cried. Expect a review sometime soon. Depending on whether AICN picks it up or not.

In the meantime, the news:


EVEN IF THIS IS THE FAKEST PICTURE EVER FAKED BY A FAKER, IT RULZ. JEDI SPIDEY!

OH. MAH. GAWD. OCEAN'S 13 PICKS UP PACINO!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AL!

BECAUSE IT F'N MATTERS, HERE ARE THE NOMINEES FOR THE 2006 MTV MOVIE AWARDS.

HAVEN'T HAD A "WHO WILL PLAY THE JOKER" FIX IN AWHILE? TRY THIS ONE!

J. J. ABRAMS POO-POOS THE STAR TREK RUMORS, ALTHOUGH, EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAID IS ACTUALLY ALL TRUE.

AUSTRALIANS, MAKING SURE EVERYONE KNOWS THEY'RE ALL STILL CRAZY, WANT TO MAKE AN "INXS" BIO-PIC STARRING JOHNNY DEPP. WHAT? WAS BO BICE NOT AVAILABLE?

That's really about it for today. We at The Sheep will be seeing SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS tonight, so we've got that going for us, too.

Check it,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-22 & 23 & 24-06

Hope you had a good weekend. That is all.

And now...the NEWS:


"WE ARE..." SNAPPY DRESSERS.

WHAT DOES UNIVERSAL HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU THIS SUMMER, BESIDES "MIAMI VICE", "THE BREAK-UP" & "THE FASTEST & THE FURIEST"? CHICKIE-CHECK IT OUT!

"SILENT HILL" COMES OUT ON TOP OF THE BOX OFFICE WEEKEND, AND "AMERICAN DREAMZ" FAILS MISERABLY!

IF YOU'RE MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT "UNITED 93", DON'T EXPECT TO NOT BE TREATED LIKE A TERRORIST.

AGENT SCULLY IS BACK ON THE MARKET! OR: TIRED OF NOT HAVING A CAREER ANYMORE, GILLIAN ANDERSON GETS DIVORCED.

INTERESTED IN SEEING SCRIPT REVIEWS OF UPCOMING BLOCKBUSTERS? CHECK OUT DARK HORIZONS FOR "AVP2", "IRON MAN" AND "CASINO ROYALE".

LEO DICAPRIO GETS HURT TRYING TO FIND TALENT IN AFRICA.

BULLOCK. REEVES. "LAKE HOUSE". TRAILER. TASTE THE ROMANCE. WHOA.

WALDEN MEDIA DECIDES TO BRING THE "NARNIA", HARDCORE.

GEORGE MICHAEL PLANS FIRST TOUR IN 15 YEARS, FINALLY READY TO GET BACK TO ALL OF THOSE BATHROOMS HE HASN'T BEEN ARRESTED IN YET.

That's it. Slow weekend. Got alot coming up this week. We here at The Sheep will be seeing Will Ferrell's TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY, Vince & Jennifer's THE BREAK-UP and Billy Bob's SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS this week. So expect reviews, unless something bad happens, like life.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-21-06

Talk about TGIF. Here's the news:

WE START OFF WITH THE GOOD NEWS...J.J. FRICKIN' ABRAMS WILL BE TAKING OVER FRICKIN' "STAR TREK"!!!!!

AND NOW THE JUST AS IMPORTANT BAD NEWS...THE PALLADINO'S LEAVING THE "GILMORE GIRLS", FORCING THE SHOW INTO WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS "POST-SORKIN WEST WING MEDIOCRITY" STARTING NEXT SEASON ON THE "CW".

IGN TELLS YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT 25 DVDS THAT "NEED" SPECIAL EDITION RE-RELEASES.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK THE NEW "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE WILL BE ALL ABOUT ROBOTS, THEY GO AND CAST A BUNCH OF HUMANS TO BE IN IT. IS THERE NO JUSTICE?!?

SICK OF UNDERSTANDING YOUR RADIO HOSTS ON XM RADIO? REVEL IN THE FACT THAT NOW BOB DYLAN WILL HAVE HIS OWN SHOW STARTING MAY 3!

WHAT IF WE TOLD YOU THAT BY CLICKING THIS LINK YOU COULD SEE SALMA HAYEK AND PENELOPE CRUZ IN LINGERIE? SOME PEOPLE DON'T EVEN NEED AN EXCUSE TO SEE THE NEW "BANDIDAS" TRAILER. EITHER WAY, IT'S TRUE.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK THAT "DIAMOND DAVE" FINALLY GOT SOMETHING RIGHT, HE DIDN'T. NO MO RADIO SHOW. IN OTHER NEWS, SAMMY HAGAR STILL MAKES MUSIC.

DON'T UNDERSTAND THE NEW "HD-DVD" VS. "BLU-RAY" VS. WHATEVER BLAH BLAH SYSTEMS? JOBLO.COM SETS YOU STRAIGHT. DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T HELP YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY.

AND FINALLY, WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A "WE'RE SORRY THIS SHOW SUCKED THE ENTIRE SUN OUT OF THE SKY", "CELEBRITY COOKING SHOWDOWN" HAS ALREADY BEEN CANNED. WE GUESS IT GOES TO SHOW THAT TOM ARNOLD STILL CAN'T CARRY A SHOW.

That's it. Have a great weekend. Watch some stuff. Go see SILENT HILL, AMERICAN DREAMZ and/or THE SENTINEL, or keep throwing money down Walt Disney's dead frozen throat with ICE AGE 2! DO SOMETHING!

Leave a comment. Refresh. Visit our friends on the right. Join our map. E-Mail us. Send us a reveiw. WRITE SOMETHING!

See you next week.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-20-06

Well, if it isn't another Thursday...

Guess what it's time for...

That's right...the news:



IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE WE HAD SOME "BIG BLUE BOYSCOUT" MOVIE PICS, SO TAKE A MOUTHFULL OF THESE!

NOT PLANNING ON WATCHING THE SERIES FINALE OF "THAT 70'S SHOW"? WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THERE WOULD BE A 7-MINUTE PREVIEW OF "X3" RIGHT BEFORE IT? YOU'D WATCH THAT AND THEN TURN AWAY? SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.

THE GUARDIAN DID A LIST OF THE TOP 50 BOOK TO FILM ADAPTATIONS, BEGGING THE QUESTION: "WHAT'S A 'BOOK'?" THESE PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXPERTS, SINCE THEY DIDN'T INCLUDE "LORD OF THE RINGS" OR ANY OF THE POTTER MOVIES. GOOD THING "DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS" MADE THE LIST.

OH. MY. LORD. LOOK AT ALL THE MOVIE POSTERS FOR SALE. NOW!

REMEMBER "ROME" ON HBO? YEAH, WELL, WE TRIED TO FORGET TOO, BUT AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, THEY'RE ACTUALLY FILMING SEASON 2 SO THAT IT CAN AIR IN 2007. AIN'T THAT A PIP?

MICK JAGGER IN NEGOTIATIONS TO PLAY HIMSELF ON T.V. WHAT'S TO NEGOTIATE?

GOT ANY CHARACTERS ON T.V. THAT YOU'D LOVE TO KILL? THIS LADY DOES. CLIMB ON BOARD THE HATE TRAIN!

JOLIE GETS READY TO HAVE HER TOMB RAIDED AGAIN BY SOMEBODY OTHER THAN BRAD PITT.

YOU KNOW, WE WERE JUST THINKING...HOW COME "ELVIRA - MISTRESS OF THE DARK" DOESN'T HAVE A REALITY SHOW? SHE WILL? HOW MANY DECADES TOO LATE IS IT? SWEET!

WHAT'S PLAYING AT CANNES? WELL, WE'LL TELL YOU. MAKE WITH THE CLICKY. AND YES "THE DA VINCI CODE", "X3", "PAN'S LABYRINTH", & "SOUTHLAND TALES" ARE ALL PLAYING. NOW GO CRY ABOUT HOW YOU CAN'T BE THERE, AND HOW THE LIST IS SO "FRENCH".

GILBERT GOTTFRIED IS THE UN-SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, AND THE VOICE OF A PARROT.

"PANIC CHANNEL": ALL THE NAVARRO, NONE OF THE PERRY.

STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH TARANTINO'S AND RODRIGUEZ'S "GRINDHOUSE"? NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE.

MADONNA, PROVING SHE "TOTALLY INDIE" WILL SING AT COACHELLA, CREATING SUCH A STIR THAT ALL THE LITTLE EMO BANDS LIKE "THE WHO CARES" AND THE "BLAH BLAH BLAHS" WILL HAVE TO CRY THEMSELVES TO SLEEP ON THEIR BIG PILLOWS OF ANGST.

That'll do for now. Enjoy the night. Tomorrow is the last day you'll have to say TGIF for another week, so be sure to use it all up.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-19-06

It's Wednesday, and you week wouldn't be half complete without the news:

BEST. VIDEO GAME. EVER.

BROOKE SHIELDS GIVES BIRTH TO DAUGHTER!!! PUT THAT IN YOUR SPACEMAN PIPE, TOMKAT!

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING WHY OUR TOP STORY WASN'T THAT KATIE HOLMES POOPED OUT A SURI WITH A FRINGE ON TOP, BUT, LIKE AN OSCAR, TOM WILL NEVER WIN A RACE WITH THE SHEEP.

NOT ENOUGH KI-EFFER SUTHERLAND IN YOUR MORNING DIET? TAKE A TASTE OF THE JOBLO.COM KIEFER QUIZ!

PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING, BRIAN GRAZER AND HIS WIFE SPLIT UP, SO HE CAN SPEND MORE "QUALITY TIME" WITH OPIE.

AICN'S GOT EXCLUSIVE CONCEPT ART FROM "PIRATES 2". REMEMBER? THAT'S ANOTHER MOVIE COMING OUT THIS SUMMER. I FORGET WHAT IT'S ABOUT, BUT IT COULD BE COOL. PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY MONEY, THOUGH.

NEW SPRINGSTEEN TOUR WILL FEATURE 17-MEMBER BAN TO ROCK THE FOLKSY STADIUM SET.

SPEAKING OF EXCLUSIVES, CHECK OUT THE INTERNATIONAL X3 POSTER! NOT ONLY IS IT IN A LANGUAGE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT IT'S GOT THE WHOLE GANG!

ROGER WATERS CONTINUES TO PLAY FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE.

PEOPLE SEEM SURPRISED THAT JULIA ROBERTS WILL MORE THAN LIKELY RETURN FOR "OCEAN'S 13". HORSE-FACED OR NOT, SHE KNOWS A GOOD DEAL WHEN SHE SEES ONE.

NEIL YOUNG'S NEW ALBUM TALKS ABOUT "IMPEACHING BUSH". YOU JUST CAN'T TRUST HIPPIES ANYMORE, CAN YOU?

ABBA MUSICAL COMES TO THE SCREEN, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT DANCING QUEENS NEVER GET TIRED....OF THEMSELVES.

FROM OUR BIN OF BAD IDEAS, IS THERE A "9 to 5" SEQUEL IN THE WORKS? WILL DOLLY PARTON FINALLY DO THE FULL FRONTAL YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED? WAIT AND SEE!

CHRISTOPHE GANS, THE DIRECTOR OF "SILENT HILL" PICKS THE SEVEN BEST HORROR MOVIES OF MODERN TIMES. SADLY, "DARK HARVEST" DIDN'T MAKE THE LIST.

AND ON THAT NOTE, ELI ROTH TALKS "HOSTEL 2: DIE HOSTELER" AND STEPHEN KING'S "CELL".

007 TO PLAY SATAN, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

EVER WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAMERO FROM "BETTER OFF DEAD"? WELL, THIS GUY HAS IT, AND HE IS FRIGHTENINGLY PROUD.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, ALL OF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE: "SGT. ROCK: THE MOVIE"!

MICHAEL JACKSON, DRESSED AS WOMAN, WILL BE MAKING A NEW RECORD FOR A SHEIK IN BAHRAIN'S "MUSIC" LABEL. WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE THAT IT WILL BE SUPER.

Whew. That's it. Maybe Thursday will have less crap. Geez.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-18-06

Tuesday, it is. The news, you shall have.

RESERVOIR DOGS. IN 30 SECONDS. WITH BUNNIES.

SICK OF WORK? LET US HELP YOU. TRY THE "DA VINCI CODE" QUEST. IT'S A 24 DAY QUEST FOR BIG PRIZES, WITH NEW PUZZLES EVERY DAY, LEADING UP TO THE OPENING OF THE MOVIE. BUT YOU BETTER HURRY. YOU'RE ALREADY TWO DAYS BEHIND.

"DIE HARD" DIRECTOR PLEADS GUILTY IN PELLICANO WIRE TAP CASE, PUSHING HIM THAT MUCH FURTHER FROM MAKING "DIE HARD 4". THANKS ALOT, JUSTICE.

"SUPERMAN" GAME TO BE JUST AS BAD AS "SUPERMAN" MOVIE.

SOMEHOW MELISSA ETHERIDGE'S "PARTNER" IS KNOCKED UP WITH TWINS. I ALWAYS KNEW MELISSA WAS PACKIN'.

WOODY CUTS AND RUNS IN PARIS, HEADS BACK TO LONDON FOR MEDIOCRITY.

TEDDY GEIGER, NEW GUITAR PHENOM AT AGE 17, STANDS ON THE BRINK OF STARDOM. CURRENTLY, HE CAN BE FOUND FILED BETWEEN "ANOTHER SHITTY SINGER-SONGWRITER" AND "SOON TO BE HOOKED ON SKANKS AND SMACK".

ALICE, JILL VALENTINE AND THAT OTHER GUY ARE BACK TO KICK MORE ZOMBIE ASS IN "RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION", PROVING THE UMBRELLA CORPORATION ACTUALLY DID CREATE THIS MOVIE FRANCHISE.

BE SURE TO PUT THE FOLLOWING IN YOUR "SO F'N WHAT" PLANNER: THE OSCARS WILL MOVE BACK TO FEBRUARY IN 2007. IT'S JUST TOO BAD THAT CHANGING MONTHS DOESN'T MAKE THE MOVIES OR ACTING ANY BETTER.

That's about it. Not too much going on. Did you watch "24"? It's only the best show on television. What else? Nothing? Good. Leave a comment. Join the map. Send a review or an e-mail. You're already on the internet. The hard part's done for you dial-uppers without a dedicated T3 like we at The Sheep (wish we had).

Until Humpday,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-15 & 16 & 17-06

Welcome back from a weekend of Christian Drunkeness and Jewish Passing Over. We hope you are all still plenty alive enough to read the news.

First:



APOCOLYPTO GETS MOVED TO THE HOLIDAYS, SO MEL & THE MAYANS CAN ENJOY THE FILM AT CHRISTMAS TIME! MAYANS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

OK, now that that's over, here's the rest of the news:

LET'S START OFF WITH A PIC OF THE NEW BOND BAD GUY, EH?

THEN FOLLOW IT UP WITH A TEASER FOR DISNEY'S "MEET THE ROBINSONS".

AND END WITH A BRIEF DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW "KUNG FU HUSTLE 2" IS BEING DELAYED BECAUSE STEPHEN CHOW WANTS TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.

SOMEONE HOLD ME! IT'S THE OFFICIAL "CLERKS 2" TRAILER!

HATE THE FCC? CHECK OUT THE UNCUT "BEDFORD DIARIES" ON THE WB!

NOW THAT THAT'S OVER, WHAT DOES AN EX-PRESIDENT DO WHEN HE LEAVES OFFICE? HE'S TO COLLEGE IN IRELAND, OF COURSE. I CAN SEE THE REALITY SHOW NOW.

BIG BAD OPUS DEI WANTS "DA VINCI CODE" DISCLAIMER, SICK OF PEOPLE THINKING THEY ARE POWER-HUNGRY RELIGIOUS SECT WHO ORDERS PEOPLE AROUND, MISSES IRONY OF SITUATION.

WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN A SOFIA COPPOLLA MOVIE STARRING KIRSTEN DUNST? PROBABLY NOT MUCH, BUT HERE ARE SOME PICTURES ANYWAY.

THINK YOU FIT THE BILL FOR THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE? WELL, HERE'S THE OPEN CASTING CALL FOR IT. DON'T SAY WE NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU.

I'M SURE IT'S BURNING IN YOUR MIND...HERE'S SOME DISH ON WHAT "SAW III: STILL SAWIN'" WILL BE ABOUT.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" KICKS BOX OFFICE ASS, WHILE "ICE AGE 2" CONTINUES RAKING IN BAJILLIONS OF DOLLARS. TRIPE WINS! TRIPE WINS!!

EAGER TO SEE THAT "JESSE JAMES" TRAILER WITH BRAD PITT? GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO WATCH THE 9/11 "UNITED 93" MOVIE THEN.

IGGY POP, NOT DEAD, IS MAKING NEW MUSIC AGAIN.

That's it! You're caught up! Brace yourself for another hour of "24" tonight!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

HAPPY ANNUAL HOLIDAY!

Happy Passover! Merry Easter! KwanzaaEasterOverDay! Whatever!



Here's Looking At You, Kid. Beware the Wererabbit.

-The Sheep Staff

Compiled News 04-14-06

Here's to a Good Friday you won't soon forget!

And here's the news:

TITANIC 2!!!!!! CAN YOU SEE OUR TONGUE IN OUR CHEEK? BACK OFF!

AFRAID OF LITTLE BOYS WHO MIGHT BE THE ANTI-CHRIST? TRY IT WITH RUSSIAN SUBTITLES! CLICK ON ONE OF THE LINKS...IT'S BOUND TO BE A TRAILER.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" DIRECTOR TO MAKE SUPERHERO SPOOF, AS IF BRETT RATNER WASN'T DOING IT ANYWAY.

MSNBC GIVES YOU ITS TOP 10 MOVIE SPOOFS OF ALL TIME, AND THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING.

HOW ABOUT CONCEPT ART FOR "300", THE NEW FILM BASED ON A FRANK MILLER BOOK? FINE! HAVE IT!

EMINEM PAYS TRIBUTE TO HIS "BEST FRIEND". IN OTHER NEWS, EMINEM HAS A FRIEND. WELL, OK, HAD A FRIEND. WHATEVER. HE'S ALONE AGAIN. NATURALLY.

NEED INSIDE VIDEO FOOTAGE OF X3? NUDGE, NUDGE, SAY NO MORE!

BRIAN K. VAUGHAN GETS TO WRITE HIS OWN SCREENPLAY FOR THE "Y: THE LAST MAN" MOVIE, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, THIS DAY IS WORTH LIVING AGAIN!

"SOUTH PARK" CONTINUES TO KICK RELIGIONS', COMEDY CENTRAL'S ITS OWN ASS.

That's it. Have a good weekend. Happy Easter or whatever farce you're worshipping.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-12 & 13-06

For whatever reason, it seems that the 'ole Sheep didn't want to update yesterday, so you get a heapin' helpin' of news TODAY!



R.I.P. JUNE POINTER. SHE'S NOW "JUMPING FOR LOVE" IN HEAVEN.

HOW ABOUT A SONY SUMMER PREVIEW? JOBLO.COM'S GOT THE HOOK-UP!

WANT A SUMMER PREVIEW OF FOX MOVIES? OK. SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST.

THE ONION GIVES US THE TOP 20 "STAR VEHICLE" FILMS THAT BLOW.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT DAVID BLAINE WAS DONE "MAGICALLY" TORTURING HIMSELF, HE'S GOING TO SLEEP WITH THE FISHES. SERIOUSLY.

CAPTAIN MARVEL GETS A MOVIE DIRECTED BY PETER SEGAL. SHAZAM!

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, "COMMANDER IN CHIEF" GETS ANOTHER YEAR. GEE, THANKS.

"SHAUN OF THE DEAD"'s "HOT FUZZ" GETS DISTRIBUTION! BRING IT TO A THEATRE NEAR ME!!

JUDAS PRIEST TO MAKE NOSTRADAMUS CONCEPT ALBUM...I GUESS THEY DIDN'T READ WHERE HE FORTOLD THAT IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA.

ROBIN WILLIAMS WISHES HE WAS THE JOKER. AFTER "RV" HE MAY NEED ANOTHER PAYCHECK.

NOT CONTENT TO JUST SUCK MUSICALLY, DAVID LEE ROTH CONTINUES TO SUCK ON THE RADIO, TOO!

SIDESHOW COLLECTIBLES GIVES YOU A TASTE OF THE SYMBIOTE BEFORE 2007!

KEVIN SPACEY UNDER FIRE FOR LETTING ALTMAN STINK UP THE OLD VIC.

A BROKEN TOOTH AND PLENTY OF PISSY FANS LATER, "CASINO ROYALE" HAS FINISHED SHOOTING IN THE BAHAMAS.

ALICE IN CHAINS WILL TOUR EUROPE, NO WORD YET IF LAYNE STALEY'S CORPSE IS STILL ADDICTED TO HEROIN.

STILL AGAIN MORE X3 PICS. IT'S LIKE THE MOVIE IS COMING OUT IN A MONTH.

ORIGINAL CAST OF "RENT" TO PERFORM ONE SHOW ON BROADWAY, CONTINUE MILKING THAT AIDS-RIDDEN COW.

AFTER ONLY A YEAR OR SO ON THE SHELF, "ALL THE KING'S MEN" WILL BE RELEASED IN SEPTEMBER, GIVING ONLY A FEW MORE MONTHS TO WAIT FOR MORE SEAN PENN SUPER-EMOTING.

3 1/2 HOUR "LORD OF THE RINGS: THE MUSICAL" NOT TERRIBLE TO ANOTHER TOLKIEN, BUT "ASS-TERRIBLE" TO CRITICS.

FRED DURST DIRECTS A MOVIE NOT INVOLVING HIS PENIS.

That's it, for the love of the giant G.

Trickling Down Your Economics,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 4-11-06

Super Tuesday, here on The Sheep.

OK, well, maybe just "Tuesday", but still...

Here's the not-much-news:



SINCE THERE'S NOT MUCH NEWS TODAY, HERE'S A PIC FROM SUPERHEROHYPE.COM TO CONTINUE YOUR X3 FETISH!

DISNEY & ABC TO OFFER FREE PRIMETIME SHOWS OVER THE INTERNET FOR 2 MONTHS, MAKING SURE "LOST" STILL DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, EVEN AFTER YOU WATCH IT TWICE.

HOT ON THE HEELS OF "BEERFEST", BROKEN LIZARD BECOME AMBULANCE CHASERS", AND AREN'T WE ALL, REALLY?

AS IF EMINEM DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS, RAPPER "PROOF" OF D12 IS SHOT TO DEATH OUTSIDE A NIGHTCLUB ON EIGHT MILE ROAD.

WHO BETTER TO RUIN THE ALREADY DOOMED "DALLAS" MOVIE THAN JESSICA SIMPSON AS "LUCY EWING"?

REALIZING SHE HASN'T BEEN AT THE TOP OF THE TABLOIDS, JLO SUES HER EX-HUSBAND, WAGS HER HUGE ASS.

LEWIS BLACK HATES CLOWNS AND YOU.

EVER SINCE I WAS A YOUNG BOY, I SPENT EVERY DIME I HAD, FROM SOHO DOWN TO BRIGHTON, I MUST'VE SPENT IT ALL...BUT I AIN'T SEEN NOTHING LIKE THIS, I'M MILDLY APPALLED...THE WHO IS REALEASING A NEW ALBUM IN JUNE. SUCK IT.

OFFICIAL SHEEP WARNING FOR "READERS"...LIBRARIES WILL SEND YOU TO COLLECTIONS IF YOU DON'T PAY YOUR OVERDUE FINES! DO PEOPLE STILL READ? IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? WHAT IF WE "BURN" THE BOOK? DOES THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE? DO THEY STILL WANT IT BACK? CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER.

That's it. Nothing else going on. Pretty slow day here at The Sheep. Do you wish you were us?

Until Humpday,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 4-8 & 9 & 10-06

Well, if it isn't another week. So much for the Gospel of Judas ruining everyone's life. Thanks, National Geographic. For nothing.

Here's the weekend round-up!

THE "SPIDER-MAN 3" TEASER SITE IS UP AT SONY, AND BOY IS THERE NOTHING MUCH THERE...BUT...NOW YOU HAVE THE SITE, AND WE'RE THE NEW BIG HERO IN TOWN.

AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, JOBLO.COM'S GOT SOME WALLPAPER OF THE WALLCRAWLER FOR YA!

STILL NOT ENOUGH? HOW ABOUT AN INTERVIEW WITH THOMAS HADEN CHURCH ABOUT SAM RAIMI AND BEING "THE SANDMAN"?!? GEEZ, PEOPLE, GET OFF OUR BACKS!


THREE MORE DAYS OF "24", AND THE KI-EFFER TOPS $40 MILLION BUCKS!

LIKE HIS PEERS 2PAC AND THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. BEFORE HIM, JOHNNY CASH KEEPS MAKING RECORDS, EVEN AFTER HE'S DEAD.

"ICE AGE 2" STILL KICKS THE NON-FROZEN ASS OF ALL THE FILM OPENERS THIS WEEKEND.

"HELLBOY 2 & 3"? "ABE SAPIEN" DUMPS THE DIRT ON WHAT'S COMING UP!

HOLLYWOOD BREAKS OUT THE FEEDING TUBE (OR TAKES IT AWAY...) FOR THE RIGHTS TO A TERRY SCHIAVO MOVIE! YES! SOMEBODY CALL CHARLIZE THERON!!

MEL BROOKS PREPARES TO BRING "YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN" TO BROADWAY, CONTINUE MAKING TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS.

"BUBBA SASQUATCH"? "BUBBA NOSFERATU" TO BE A PREQUEL? DOES GOD REALLY EXIST?

TWO WORDS: "BEAN TWO".

IF AN INSIDE LOOK (WITH SPOILERS) OF "SILENT HILL" IS SOMETHING YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, I SUGGEST CLICKING THIS LINK AND BASKING IN UNHOLY GLORY!

CHANCES ARE GOOD THAT THE "HEIST" AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

PROVING YET AGAIN THAT GWYNETH PALTROW & CHRIS MARTIN SHOULD STOP NAMING CHILDREN, GWYNETH GIVES BIRTH TO "MOSES", PARTING OF RED SEA TO FOLLOW AFTER 2 MORE COLDPLAY ALBUMS.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE A FILTHY RICH, RIDICULOUSLY POPULAR FEATURE FILM DIRECTOR? WHY, YOU GO INTO REALITY T.V., OF COURSE! PREPARE TO BE SPIELBERGARIZED!

JON HEDER DOESN'T WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF AS "NAPOLEAN DYNOMITE", DOESN'T REALIZE THAT'S WHERE HIS TALENT MAXES OUT.

RADIOHEAD PLANS NORTH AMERICAN TOUR, HOPES NORTH AMERICA STILL CARES.

READ A REVIEW OF THE NEXT GREAT SLASHER FILM "BEHIND THE MASK"!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THEY COULDN'T FIND ANY MORE BLACK GIRLS FOR THE FILM VERSION OF "DREAMGIRLS", THEY CAST JOHN LITHGOW!

That's it! Make us your homepage! Join our map! Visit our friends on the right! Leave a comment! Send us an e-mail! Do something with your life! See you tomorrow!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 4-7-06

Beware the 7th of April... it could mean that The Sheep will have updated two days in a row! Great Scot!

When someone says "Great Scot", like anybody actually says "Great Scot" besides Superman and my father, who are they talking about? William Wallace? Johnny Walker?

Anyway, put the knife down...here's the news:

DAN BROWN IS NO THIEF! JUDGE REJECTS CLAIM OF "DA VINCI CODE" THEFT! BROWN CONTINUES TO SWIM IN MONEY BIN, A LITTLE MORE RELAXED THAN USUAL!

YOU HEARD IT HERE LAST! HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX WILL OPEN ON JULY 13TH, 2007! AND THE LAST BOOK COMES OUT THE SATURDAY BEFORE! HOW WILL THEY EVER MAKE ANY MONEY?!?

DEF LEPPARD'S FINALLY GOT AN "ALL COVERS" ALBUM COMING, AND THEY'RE GONNA TOUR THEIR SUGAR ON YOOOOOOU, IN THE NAME OF LOVE. AND WHO OPENS FOR THEM? WHY, JOURNEY, OF COURSE! BUT NO STEEEEEEEVE PERRY! :(

CHLOE O'BRIEN SMART-ASSES HER WAY ONTO THE "GILMORE GIRLS" SEASON FINALE!

WHEN ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER DOES "THE SOUND OF MUSIC" IN LONDON, ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN WILL COME. DANCE, MONKEY! DANCE!!

"TERMINATOR 4" GETS WRITERS, CONTINUES TO SQUEEZE THAT TURNIP FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. IS THIS BLOOD ON MY HANDS?!? GET ME A PENCIL!

GENE PITNEY DIES IN A TOWN WITHOUT PITY. R.I.P.

IN A STUNNING BIT OF NEWS, ANGELINA JOLIE IS IN TALKS FOR "OCEAN'S 13"! I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE THAT EVER HAPPENING IN MY ENTERTAINMENT WORLD! I MEAN, WHO DO YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH TO GET THAT JOB? OH YEAH... BRAD PITT.

LEIF GARRETT JAILED FOR DRUGS? NOT LEIF GARRETT! SURELY YOU JEST!

NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT'S COMING OUT IN THEATERS ON JULY 7TH OF THIS YEAR? HOW ABOUT TAKING A TASTE OF "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 2: DEAD MAN'S CHEST"! POSTER GALORE TO FOLLOW THE CLICKY!

WHILE CHINA TELLS "THE ROLLING STONES" THAT THEY CAN'T SING 5 CERTAIN SONGS AT THEIR SHOW, THE CHINESE POPULACE, MUCH LIKE MYSELF, DOESN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE "THE ROLLING STONES" ENOUGH TO CARE.

WHO BETTER TO SELL THE STENCH OF MARIAH CAREY THAN ELIZABETH ARDEN?

IF MOVIE STUDIOS KNOW YOUR MOVIE SUCKS, THEY AREN'T GOING TO INVITE CRITICS TO SEE IT. HOWEVER, MOVIE STUDIOS ALSO CONTINUE TO NEVER HAVE MUCH OF A CLUE AS TO WHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL PAY TO SEE, WHICH IS WHY TYLER PERRY MOVIES CAN STILL MAKE MONEY, AND GOOD MOVIES LIKE "SERENITY" GET SHIT-CANNED. THANKS, AMERICA.

BON JOVI BREAKS RICHIE SAMBORA'S ARM, AND THEY STILL TOUR WITH A HIT RECORD AND CURRENTLY A #3 SONG. "VAMPIRES: LOS MUERTOS" ASIDE, THESE PEOPLE CAN'T BE STOPPED!

That's it! As usual, we'll be off for the weekend. See ya Monday, suckers.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

WORSHIP US!

We have returned from the depths of Hades, with nothing more than a cape and Mexican wrestling mask.



NACHO LIBRE

Prepare to continue your ritual of blindly following The Sheep over the cliff of awesome.

Follow DAMIEN to the news below.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 3-10-06 through 4-6-06

We will now act like we weren't gone for a month. Thank you for playing along.

HEY! It's Thursday, and it's time for entertainment news with a bunch of wacky headlines! Wheeee!

Before we start, I just had to share this picture.


THE NEW OMEN IS COMING.

Here's the news:

TASTE THE NEW "CLERKS 2" TRAILER.

HOW ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PLOT OVERVIEW FOR "SPIDER-MAN 3"? IT'S NOT REALLY SPOILERY, BUT IT COULD ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE...WOULDN'T THAT BE A PIP?

JOHN CARPENTER TO DIRECT SEQUEL TO "FREDDY VS. JASON"? WHAAAAAAT? ROBERT "IDEA MAN!" ENGLUND IS QUITE THE TALKER, IT SEEMS.

EMINEM CONTINUES MAKING GOOD LIFE DECISIONS, PREPARES FOR 2ND DIVORCE FROM DEAR, SWEET KIM.

WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE "SNAKES ON A PLANE" TRAILER LOOKS LIKE? TOO BAD. BUT HERE'S A DESCRIPTION OF IT!

SPEAKING OF SAM JACKSON, HE AND JOHN CUSACK ARE IN STEPHEN KING'S "1408", PROBABLY NOT HOLDING BOOM BOXES OR EATING BIG KAHUNA BURGERS.

I GUESS "RICH" WILL CONTINUE TO BE THE CODEWORD FOR STEPHEN KING'S FAMILY, AS HIS SON SELLS HIS FIRST MOVIE RIGHTS TO A BOOK THAT WON'T BE OUT FOR A YEAR.

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY CONTINUES TO BANG AND THROW RINGS AT HIS CO-STARS ON THE WB!

HERE'S EVERYTHING YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THE SIMPSONS MOVIE, 10 YEARS TOO LATE. (PROBABLY CONTAINS SPOILERS, BUT WILL THAT REALLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?)

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN GETS 17TH HUGO NOMINATION, CONTINUES WRITING 3,000 PAGE BOOKS EVERY 3 or 4 YEARS.

HANK WILLIAMS, JR. CONTINUES BEING A CLASSY GUY WHO IS NEVER IN TROUBLE. JUST KIDDING.

THE "HOT FUZZ" BOYS KEEP MAKING VIDBLOGS, AND YOU NEED TO SEE THEM, BECAUSE IF NOTHING ELSE IN THIS LIFE IS TRUE, YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST "SHAUN OF THE DEAD" AND "ARTHUR DENT".

IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE THAT THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE A NEW "REMO WILLIAMS" MOVIE? AND DO THEY DARE MAKE IT WITHOUT FRED WARD? WILL IT REALLY BE DIRECTED BY ROBERT EVANS? CAN I STOP ASKING QUESTIONS NOW?

"DA VINCI CODE" SELLS BOATLOADS IN PAPERBACK, TOO, PROVING THAT, EVEN THOUGH EVERYBODY HAS READ IT ALREADY, THEY'LL READ IT AGAIN IF IT'S SOFTER.

FINALLY, EVEN MATT LEBLANC'S WIFE DOESN'T THINK HE'S FUNNY ANYMORE, PROVING THAT NO MATTER HOW RICH YOU ARE, YOU STILL HAVE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. GUESS IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER "LOST IN SPACE".

"X3" CONTINUES TO GET CLOSER AND CLOSER, TAKING OVER MORE AND MORE OF YOUR TELEVISION, WHILE THEIR "RENT"-STYLE POSTERS BLOCK MY VIEW OF THE SMOG HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

"WHO WANTS TO BE ON THE TODAY SHOW" STARRING MEREDITH VIEIRA. QUESTIONS WILL INCLUDE "IS THIS REALLY HOW I BAKE A CAKE" AND "IS IT GOING TO RAIN, FATMAN?" THERE WILL BE NO FINAL ANSWERS. REGIS WILL BE FORCED TO DO BATTLE. THE END IS NEAR.

POOR FILTHY RICH ROBERT RODRIGUEZ & QUENTIN TARANTINO...THINGS ARE JUST NEVER EASY FOR THEM, HUH?

"MASTERS OF HORROR" JUST KEEPS GOING...AND GOING....AND GOING...

AS YOU ALL KNOW BY NOW, KATIE COURIC WILL BE HOSTING THE CBS DRIVE-AT-FIVE OR WHATEVER PEOPLE "IN-THE-KNOW" CALL THAT, BUT DID YOU KNOW THE MORE IMPORTANT STUFF, LIKE PARKER POSEY BEING ON "BOSTON LEGAL" FOR A MULTI-EPISODE ARC OR THAT CAMERON FRYE WAS GETTING HIS OWN SHOW CALLED "DRIVE" ON FOX AND THAT IT'S CREATED BY TIM MINEAR, ONE OF THE NOT-JOSS-WHEEDON GUYS WHAT BROUGHT US "FIREFLY" & "ANGEL"?!? HUH? DID YA?!?

"KING KONG" SETS DVD SALES RECORD FOR UNIVERSAL. NO SURPRISE SINCE IT BARELY MADE ITS MONEY BACK AT THE BOX OFFICE, EVERYBODY MUST'VE DONE THE SAME THING WE DID. "OOOH, THAT'S SOMETHING I'LL NEED TO SEE ON THE SMALL SCREEN!"

SPEAKING OF KICKING DVD SALES' ASS, "WALK THE LINE" SOLD $3 MILLION ON ITS FIRST DAY. NOW JUST "DO A SHOT OF COCAINE AND SHOOT YOUR WOMAN DOWN". (Don't really do that. You're not nearly cool enough).

AND, BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, "THE FAMILY STONE" COMES OUT ON DVD IN MAY.

EVERY TIME I ROLL OVER IN BED, DAKOTA ALWAYS SCREAMS ABOUT THIS MOVIE SHE'S WORKING ON. I MAY BE SICK, BUT I DON'T TALK TO SPIDERS. MAKE WITH THE CLICKY!

JESSICA SIMPSON COULD BE BRINGING HER VAPID TITTIES TO A BIG SCREEN VERSION OF "BAYWATCH".

FINALLY, SOMEONE AGREES WITH ME ABOUT SPIKE LEE. READ IT AND WEEP, FOUR-EYES!

AHHHH, FITTY CENT. HEY, SHORTIE, YOU'RE AN ACTOR, YOU'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE YOU'RE AN ACTOR...NOW YOU'RE STARRING WITH NIC COPPOLLA IN A PRISON BOXING MOVIE. GRATS.

SUGE KNIGHT AND DEATH ROW FILE CHAPTER 11, NO ONE LEFT TO KILL OR EXTORT, IT SEEMS.

THE OFFICIAL "AMERICAN DREAMZ" POSTER. I SAW THIS MOVIE ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO, AND I REVIEWED IT HERE AND FOR "AICN". IT'S A MOVIE YOU SHOULD SEE, BUT WE'VE ONLY GOT THE POSTER. SORRY, PIRATES.

"16 BLOCKS" SEQUEL? "DIE HARD 4"? BRUCE WILLIS WILLING TO MAKE ACTION MOVIES UNTIL HE CAN'T WALK ANYMORE. THANK YOU, JESUS.

PEOPLE IN NEW YORK ARE PUSSIES AFTER ALL! N.Y. THEATER PULLS TRAILER FOR "UNITED 93" MOVIE ABOUT 9/11! SWEET!

and finally....

WARREN BEATTY IS AWAITING A JUDGE'S RULING SO THAT HE CAN TRY TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE... BUT NOT JUST ANY MOVIE....A NEW "DICK TRACY" MOVIE!! BOOYAH!

OK, that's it. As always, thanks to all of our friends on the right. Be sure to check them out. We're back in business here, so keep checking back. Drop a line, leave a comment, put yourself on our map, tell your friends.

THE SHEEP IS RETURNED.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep