Do Producers Dream Of Celluloid Sheep?: May 2006

Compiled News 05-31-06

Hopefully we can get this going today. Let's see what we can see.

First, APOCALYPTO!

And now, the NEWS:

HOLY CRAP! "SERENITY" WILL BE BACK IN THEATRES TO HELP JOSS' CHARITY! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT ON THE BIG SCREEN, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!

"SPIDEY 3" SET PICS!

AND NOW, THE THREE COOLEST "SUPERMAN RETURNS" POSTERS YOU'LL SEE THIS YEAR.

"SUPERMAN RETURNS" GETS BUMPED A FEW DAYS!

"SNAKES ON A PLANE" TEASER!

NEW "SUPERMAN RETURNS" TRAILER!

"THE DA VINCI CODE" MAKES IT COOL TO BE THE BAD GUY! OPUS DEI MEMBERSHIPS GO WAY UP!

WELCOME BACK, DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL!

"UNDERWORLD" DIRECTOR TO TAKE ON "DIE HARD 4.0: DIE HACKERING"!

DENNIS FARINA TO LEAVE "LAW & ORDER" AFTER TWO SEASONS, BRISCOE'S GHOST FOR THE WIN!

AVI ARAD TO LEAVE MARVEL STUDIOS!

IN A HAPPY BIT OF NEWS, BRAD & ANGELINA HAVE A LITTLE "SHILOH"!

THEY'RE ALREADY GEARING UP FOR ANOTHER BOND MOVIE?!? BEFORE THIS ONE'S EVEN OUT?!? NIIIIIIIIICE!

AND IN OUR SADDEST BIT OF NEWS, R.I.P. PAUL GLEASON.

"Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."

That's it, kids. Aren't you glad you came?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-27 thru 30-06

Happy Post-Memorial Day and stuff like that. Hope you weren't one of the few that didn't see "X3". 2nd Best Friday - Sunday opening EVER. ("Spider-Man 2" still owns.). And Yes, Shrek 2 and Sith fans, yours started on a Wednesday and a Thursday, respectively, so suck it.

On to the NEWS:

The computers are wacky today, so here's a taste...

THE TOP 25 WORST MOVIE SEQUELS EVER...ACCORDING TO ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY.

NO "X4", BUT "WOLVERINE" TO BE CONTINUATION?

Keep checking back. We'll be adding stuff through the next few hours. Sorry for the delay. We know you all love your Monday Sheep....on Tuesday.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-26-06

GO SEE "X-MEN: THE LAST STAND"!

It is a great time at the movies!

And now, the NEWS:

HERE'S THE LAST BIT OF "X3" WEEK FOR YA! TAKE THE X-QUIZ! NOW FIND YOURSELF A MUTANT AND GO CHECK OUT THE MOVIE!

OK, THIS REALLY IS THE LAST BIT OF "X3" GOODNESS. INTERNATIONAL POSTERS!

OH. MAH. GAWD. FINALLY. "BLADE RUNNER" GETS THE STAR TREATMENT, COMPLETE WITH A 2007 25TH ANNIVERSARY THEATRICAL RE-RELEASE. OH. MAH. GAWD.

NOT A JOKE: "I'LL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER". DIRECT-TO-DVD.

NBC, SCARED OF THURSDAYS, MAKES MAJOR SHIFTS IN ITS PROGRAM SCHEDULE TO OVERCOMPENSATE FOR ITS LACK OF BALLS.

MARLON BRANDO, DEAD, TO STAR IN ANOTHER MOVIE. ALONG WITH CHRIS WALKEN, ALIVE.

HELENA BONHAM CARTER IS BELLATRIX LESTRANGE IN POTTER 5!

Oh, and some more t.v. news for ya:

DEAD: PEPPER DENNIS, STACKED, THE BERNIE MAC SHOW, COURTING ALEX, JOEY & EVERWOOD.

Now have a good holiday weekend!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-25-06

The Sheep gets to see "X3" tonight. Do YOU?

First, of course, is the NEWS:

MSNBC READERS REVEAL THEIR FAVORITE X-MEN. WHO'S YOURS?!? "X3" WEEK CONTINUES!

SPIELBERG'S REALITY SHOW "ON THE LOT" GOES LIVE! SIGN-UP NOW YOU WANNABE SUCKAS!

SPEAKING OF "SPIELBERG"... COULD SONY TAP HIM TO DIRECT "ANGELS & DEMONS" INSTEAD OF OPIE?!? WH-WH-WHAT?!? WELL, GOSH... IF WE HAD OUR CHOICE... WHO CARES?!? IT'LL BE FRICKIN' AWESOME EITHER WAY!!

LAUREN SHULER DONNER SAYS IT'S PROBABLY NOT "THE LAST STAND" FOR THE "X-MEN". OBVIOUSLY. ESPECIALLY AFTER IT MAKES $200 MILLION DOLLARS.

WHAT'S BETTER THAN BIG MOVIE POSTERS? WHY, SHITTY MOVIES THAT STEAL YOUR POSTER IDEAS, OF COURSE. WE GIVE YOU... C. THOMAS HOWELL & LANCE HENRICKSON (TO NAME A FEW).

SPEAKING OF WANNABES, DO YOU WANNA BE ON "LOST", "GHOST WHISPERER" OR "PRISON BREAK"? THEN YOU BETTER GET YOUR RESUME DUSTED OFF, POSER!

KEVIN SMITH PREPARES FOR CANNES BY RELEASING ANOTHER TEASER FOR "CLERKS 2" BECAUSE HE WILL OWN YOU.

GAY VAMPIRE MUSICAL "LESTAT" GETS READY TO SHUT DOWN ON SUNDAY, ELTON JOHN HEARD TO BE "NOT GIVING TOO MUCH OF A SHIT" WHILE CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.

AGENT AARON PIERCE JOINS THE CAST OF "TRANSFORMERS: PRIME DIRECTIVE"!

FINALLY, JAY LENO OLD MAN LOOKIN' BAD SINGER-GUY WINS "AMERICAN IDOL". BOY, THAT CHICK REALLY MUST'VE BEEN A DYKE.

Take it or leave it,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-24-06

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERRICA!

And now, Hump-day NEWS:

CONTINUING "X3" WEEK, HERE'S A LITTLE MORE WOLVERINE, ALL TUXED-OUT WITH NO PLACE TO SNIKT.

"GHOST RIDER" BURNS UP THE TRAILERS FOR "X3"!

CHARACTER ACTORS GET THE PICTURE TREATMENT VIA TIME MAGAZINE...AND YOU STILL WON'T REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!

PATIENCE, GRASSHOPPER. "KUNG FU" THE MOVIE IS COMING.

HEATH "LIKES IT IN THE BUTT" LEDGER AND HIS WIFE MICHELLE "MY DAD COMMITS TAX FRAUD" WILLIAMS WILL BOTH STAR IN A BOB DYLAN BIOPIC, WHERE LEDGER, AMONG FIVE OTHERS, WILL ALL PLAY VARIOUS STAGES OF BOB DYLAN.

"THE 4400" IS ON THE WAY BACK...AND PERHAPS WITH EVEN SOME OF THE CAST RETURNING!

SONY HIRES "DA VINCI CODE" WRITER TO PEN "ANGELS & DEMONS" AS WELL. THAT'S 1 DOWN, 2 TO GO. FETCH ME OPIE AND AMERICA'S FAVORITE ACTOR, POST HASTE!

FINALLY, KENNY CHESNEY IS THE ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR. SOMEWHERE OUT IN AMERICA, BONO, MADONNA & AXL ROSE ARE CRYING. TOGETHER. PROBABLY NAKED. FEEDING POOR PEOPLE. FIGHTING CATHOLICS. WISHING HE WAS STILL POPULAR. RESPECTIVELY.

That's it! The Sheep sees "X3" tomorrow at MIDNIGHT! Where will YOU be?!?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-23-06

Well, it appears that the day after Monday, is, in fact, still, Tuesday. Welcome.

Here's the news:

AS IT'S "X3" WEEK HERE AT THE SHEEP, THE NEXT FEW DAYS WILL BE RIDDLED WITH "X3" JUNK. TO START, HERE'S A LOOK AT THE LADIES!

THE JACK BAUER POWER HOUR COMES TO A CLOSE UNTIL JANUARY 2007. SPOILERS!

JOSS WHEDON GIVES BUFFY FANS SEASON 8....IN COMIC BOOKS FORM!

"ALIAS", LIKE OTHER GOOD SHOWS, IS OVER. TIME TO PUT YOUR CRAZY WIGS AND HOT DRESSES AWAY.

14 OF THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMS EVER MADE!

IT DOESN'T PAY TO HAVE A RICH DAUGHTER. JUST ASK MICHELLE WILLIAMS' DAD.

BOND. JAMES BOND. THE WEBSITE. THE CASINO ROYALE WEBSITE. IS UP.

CILLIAN MURPHY IS FINALLY IN ANOTHER MOVIE!

NEW "SUPERMAN RETURNS" TRAILER CONTINUES THE "SO MUCH FOR A COOL-SERIOUS-SUPERMAN-MOVIE" IDEA. HEY, BRYAN SINGER.... RICHARD DONNER WANTS HIS MOVIE BACK.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ JUST CAN'T CATCH A BREAK. GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE A DRUNKEN THUG THAT NO ONE CAN STAND. MORE JAIL!

FIN.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 05-20 thru 22-06

Hope you had a good weekend, and I hope you saw THE DA VINCI CODE, because it's AWESOME, and it made the 2nd Highest Worldwide Gross in HISTORY (2nd only to STAR WARS: EP. III). Now... on to X3!

TONIGHT, it's the 2-HOUR SEASON FINALE OF "24"!!!!

First, a Southland Tales poster:

AND A CLIP!

Now, finally, the news (and there isn't much):

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! SONY MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO MAKE "ANGELS & DEMONS"! BRING BACK HOWARD & HANKS, AND BURN ALL THE HATERS AT THE STAKE!

BOX OFFICE DEI!

AQUA-DAMN!! WHAT DID THE CW PASS UP?!?

HBO CONSIDERS MAKING A "PREACHER" SERIES?!? NOW THAT WOULD BE NICE. IT'LL GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO FINALLY BUY ALL THE TRADES!

CONAN O'BRIEN WILL HOST THE EMMY'S AGAIN!

THE GOVERMENT IS SUING UNIVERSAL PICTURES BECAUSE SOME BLACK GUY GOT FIRED. BUT, I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? HE'S BLACK, RIGHT?!? DOH.

That's really it. Entertainment News must still be recovering from the ass-kicking it took from THE DA VINCI CODE this weekend. GO SEE IT AGAIN!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-19-06

It's DA VINCI CODE DAY! GO SEE IT! WE ARE!!

But first, the NEWS:

REMEMBER, REMEMBER, THE FIRST OF...AUGUST, SUCKERS. "V FOR VENDETTA" HITS THE SHELVES!

WE WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES TO NOTICE THAT "MERCY REEF" (THE FORTHCOMING AQUAMAN SHOW) WASN'T ON THE CW'S LIST! DEAD! DEAD, I TELL YOU!

ON THAT NOTE, THE REAL CW LIST!

CASABLANCA. IN 30 SECONDS. WITH BUNNIES.

FRANK SPOTNITZ, WRITER OF ALL THINGS "X-FILES", IS HARD AT WORK ON "X-FILES 2: SEX?".

MSNBC RATES THEIR TOP 5 BOOK-TO-FILM ADAPTATIONS, STILL NO "LORD OF THE RINGS" OR EVEN "THE DRAGON RUBY".

RODRIGUEZ ANNOUNCES MORE "PLANET TERROR" OR "PROJECT TERROR" OR WHATEVER CAST, KICKING THE "GRINDHOUSE" TRAIN UP A NOTCH, AND BACK ANOTHER HALF A YEAR.

DON'T HAVE ALL THE NERD GEAR YOU NEED? BUY ALL OF THIS "STAR TREK" STUFF BEING AUCTIONED!

MISCHA BARTON DIES, SHITS ALL OVER FANS 2 HOURS BEFORE FINALE.

AS IF VINCE VAUGHN AS SANTA'S SHITTY BROTHER, "JOE CLAUS", ISN'T ENOUGH, LET'S ADD PAUL GIAMATTI, DAME JUDI DENCH AND KEVIN SPACEY INTO THE MIX!

FRESH OUT OF DEBT, TONI BRAXTON HIT VEGAS!

MORE FROM THE "SHAUN OF THE DEAD", "SUPERFUZZ" DIARIES!

SPEAK JAPANESE? BUY SADDAM'S BOOK! AMAZON.COM'S JAPAN DIVISION EXPECTED TO BLOW UP SPOT.

BANA WANTS BE HULK 2. BANA SMASH!

That's it. Have a great weekend. Go see THE DA VINCI CODE about 50 times. You know you wanna!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 05-18-06

Thursday. Anything to report? Of course. How about the cover to the first new "old" STAR WARS DVD. Head to STARWARS.COM for the rest of 'em.

And now, the NEWS:

SO KEVIN SMITH & THE WEINSTEINS (ALL SMARTER THAN YOU), HAVE FOUND THE MOST BRILLIANT WAY TO GET REPEAT PERFORMANCES OF THEIR FILMS IN THEATERS. "IN THEATER COMMENTARY!" SNOOTCH TO THA NOOTCH!

FOX ANNOUNCES LINE-UP, STILL "24" -CENTRIC.

THE GILMORES AND VERONICA MARS TAKE ON TUESDAYS, AND LITTLE SUPERMAN & THE SUPERNATURAL BOYS TAKE ON THURSDAYS. STAY TUNED FOR A FULL CW REPORT LATER TODAY.

BECAUSE GOD LOVES YOU, JET LI & JACKIE CHAN ARE GOING TO MAKE A MOVIE TOGETHER.

FANS ARE BANDING TOGETHER TO TRY TO SAVE "DEADWOOD", EVEN THOUGH THE ACTORS MIGHT NOT WANT IT SAVED.

STEPHEN KING'S "DESPERATION" KICKS INTO 3-HOUR GEAR ON TUESDAY.

LINKLATER GIVES YOU A TASTE OF "FAST FOOD NATION".

CBS DITCHES MOVIES, ADDS SHOWS ON SUNDAYS. GLAD THEY DIDN'T LIKE THEM EITHER.

NEED ANOTHER CARTOON? TRY THE TRAILER FOR "FLUSHED AWAY".

IN A STUNNING DISPLAY OF RACIAL EQUALITY, JAMIE FOX LEADS BET NOMINATIONS!

ED NORTON WISHES HE HAD BEEN ON TAXI.

HOW MUCH ARE THOSE F'N CONCERT TICKETS?!? WELL, LET US TELL YOU.

DAVID STRATHAIRN PREPARED TO TAKE ON "CHALLENGER", KEEP MAKING MOVIES WHERE HE DESERVES AN OSCAR.

PETTY, COCKER, NICKELBACK, BLACK CROWES PREPARE TO ROCK OUT WITH THE BIKERS OF STURGIS.

WELCOME TO THE X-MEN UNIVERSE, VIA MSNBC.

PAUL BETTANY, MICHAEL DOUGLAS, DAVID SPADE. WHICH OF THESE GUYS WILL STILL HAVE THEIR HOTTIE AFTER TODAY? NOT SO FAST, DAVID SPADE.

That's it. Isn't that enough?

Still following Blue's Clues,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-17-06

First, a hump-day poster...

Now, the hump-day NEWS:

SIX MINUTES OF AARON SORKIN'S PILOT FOR "STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP"! GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!

ALIVE: SUPERNATURAL, SMALLVILLE. 'NUFF SAID.

OMG! HAN SHOOTS FIRST AGAIN!! ORIGINAL "UNALTERED" STAR WARS TRILOGY COMING TO DVD!!!

AND NOW, IN ENGLISH, OLIVER STONE BLOWS UP THE TOWERS.

"LOST" LEARNS A LESSON FROM "24". NO REPEATS NEXT SEASON. TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, AND BECAUSE NOVEMBER 3RD IS SO CLOSE, HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR "THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE BIGGEST PAYCHECK"!

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A LOVE STORY BETWEEN SANDRA BULLOCK & KEANU REEVES WITHOUT DENNIS HOPPER? CHECK "THE LAKE HOUSE" TRAILER.

THE RAT HATES THE FRENCH, AND THE FRENCH WILL HATE "RUSH HOUR 3".

"HOW TO EAT FRIED TRAILERS"

DEAD: EVERWOOD. SERIOUSLY? YES. ALIVE: VERONICA MARS & ONE TREE HILL. THE STRANGENESS OF THE WB / CW TRANSITION STILL AMAZES THE SHEEP.

PRINCE CASPIAN FIGHTS FOR NARNIA'S THRONE IN 2008!

WILLIAM H. MACY TACKLES ANOTHER OSCAR-WORTHY PROJECT: "HOUSE OF THE RE-ANIMATOR"!

WANT TO KNOW IF THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE WILL BE "DOPE"? HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO READ A SCRIPT REVIEW. PERHAPS THE FILM WON'T BE "WHACK".

IN A SMART CAREER MOVE (WHERE HIS BANK ACCOUNT IS CONCERNED), ROB LOWE WILL BE STARRING IN THE SEQUEL TO "STIR OF ECHOES".

"YESTERDAY....MY ONE-LEGGED WIFE HOPPED AWAY....NOW IT LOOKS AS THOUGH SHE'LL HIDE AWAY... I CAN'T BELIEVE...SHE'S GONE A-WAY". THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE SEPARATION OF PAUL MCCARTNEY AND HEATHER MILLS...AND THE GHOST OF LINDA SMILING DOWN FROM HEAVEN.

That's it. Have a good Wednesday. See you tomorrow, if you're lucky.
As always, visit our friends on the right. Thanks to AICN, DARK HORIZONS, CHUD & JOBLO, as per usual.

Click, refresh, read, repeat.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-16-06

TOOOOOOOSDAY!

A Car!

The NEWS:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THEY'VE MOVED "CLERKS 2" UP TO JULY, PITTING IT AGAINST "LADY IN THE WATER" AND "MONSTER HOUSE"! WHY WON'T THEY ALLOW KEVIN SMITH TO EVER MAKE REAL MONEY?!?

"SPACED" FINALLY COMES TO AMERICA! CALL IT "SHAUN OF THE ALIENS" IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT JUST BE SURE TO CALL IT!

FANTASTIC FOUR 2 MAKES IT SOONER TO AVOID BEING TRAMPLED ON BY AUTOBOTS.

AAAAAH, GERMANS AND THEIR REVERANCE FOR OLIVER STONE & THE WORLD TRADE CENTER. CHECK CHUD FOR A TRAILER AND POSTER!

DEAD: COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, ALIAS, SONS & DAUGHTERS. ALIVE: PLENTY. CLICK IT.

"THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA" TRAILER IS GOING TO PUT A RED, SPIKEY HEEL IN YOUR EYEBALL.

AND FINALLY, BRITNEY SPEARS STILL HATES HER BABY.

That's it. It's a slow one. Tune in on humpday for another rousing page of news with pithy headlines.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-13 thru 15-06

Hope you had a good weekend. Some of The Sheep staff went to see Poseidon at the IMAX on Saturday, only to have it blow up (the film, not the boat) 15 minutes into the film. No wonder it didn't reach number 1 this weekend. Nobody could see it.

First, a poster. YAY!