Compiled News 10-30 & 31-05

The last day of October, the last October you'll ever have, in the year 2005.

Boo News Daily Or So...

U.K. MOVIE FANS ARE SMART. JUST ASK MICKEY ROURKE.

"REVENGE OF THE SITH" COMES OUT TOMORROW ON DVD, FINISHING THE MEDIOCRE FIRST TRILOGY.

HERE'S AN INTERVIEW WITH THE ONLY HORROR DIRECTOR THAT MATTERS, JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN.

OMAR SHARIF SO GLAD TO BE BACK IN THE NEWS, TERRORISTS WANT TO KILL HIM.

JESUS DOCUMENTARY GETS THE GREENLIGHT, GIBSON STILL BLEEDING THE POOR MAN DRY.

DARK HORIZONS HAS PICTURES OF THE YOUNG HANNIBAL LECTER MOVIE. IN OTHER NEWS, THERE'S A YOUNG HANNIBAL LECTER MOVIE BEING MADE?!?

30 SECOND BUNNIES DO TEXAS CHAINSAW, JAWS & MORE!

I'VE PASSED THIS CAR ON THE STREET, AND NOW I KNOW WHY.

DONNER MIGHT GET TO MAKE HIS "SUPERMAN II" AFTER ALL, SADLY NOT STARRING GIBSON & GLOVER.

BON JOVI GOES UNRATED WITH A NEW PICTURE AND TAGLINE.

HALLE BERRY VS. CHARLIZE THERON! THEY'RE DOWN TO THEIR BRAS AND PANTIES!!!

KATIE HOLMES HAS TAKEN UP KNITTING...WE HOPE SHE'S BETTER AT THAT THAN ACTING, OTHERWISE LITTLE L-RON'S GOING TO CATCH A COLD.

GERALDO GETS A NEW SHOW, SEARCHES FOR KKK PHONE NUMBERS FOR RATINGS.

"JARHEAD" PREPARES TO BE WELCOMED TO THEATRES, THE SUCK.

"NARNIA" WILL OWN YOU IN DECEMBER.

DEPARDIEU SAYS HE'S ENDING HIS FILM CAREER (PLEASE NOTE THAT, ACCORDING TO HIM, IT IS STILL GOING ON).

That's it, folks. Enjoy the "Still Have To Work" holiday. Sacrifice responsibly.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Happy Halloween

Seriously.

Watch a scary movie. Hide in the dark. Scream. Eat candy. Don't put razor blades in apples. Watch another scary movie. Enjoy All Hallow's Eve.

Today the creeps come out to play.

-The Crew de la Sheep

Compiled News 10-29-05

Saturday's news with a dose of sugar. Enjoy.

CREATOR OF "SIX FEET UNDER" PREPARED TO MAKE VAMPIRE SHOW, CHANCES ARE THERE WILL BE A LOT OF PEOPLE SITTING AROUND TALKING ABOUT BEING VAMPIRES AND THE DEAD. (OR: "SIX FEET UNDER" GUY MAKING SHOW NOT CALLED "SIX FEET UNDER WITH A VAMPIRE")

ELVIS TOPS LIST OF DEAD CELEBRITIES STILL STEALING MONEY FROM YOU.

KID MAKES "BATMAN" COSTUME OUT OF DUCT TAPE, DAD CAN'T FIX SINK.

RETRO CRUSH DOES THE 100 GREATEST HORROR MOVIE PERFORMANCES, BUT WHERE'S FRANK STALLONE?

HAVE NO FEAR... "DANCING WITH THE STARS" WILL BE BACK IN JANUARY '06 TO MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED.

GIBSON TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE IN A LANGUAGE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS, CONTINUES TO SWIM IN HIS MONEY BIN WHILE LOOKING LIKE A SERIAL KILLER. (Sheep's Note: ALL RICH PEOPLE HAVE MONEY BINS, BUT ONLY SOME OF THEM LOOK LIKE SERIAL KILLERS).

LENO WANTS TO DRUG YOUR CHILDREN...WITH COMEDY. SADLY, HE HAS ONCE AGAIN UNDERESTIMATED THE INTELLIGENCE OF OUR CHILDREN.

"CAMP JAM" COMBINES YOUR TALENTLESS ASS WITH FAMOUS TALENTLESS ASSES.

WHOLESOME HOLLYWOOD? HERE COMES THE MORMONS.

R. KELLY STILL IN TROUBLE FOR KIDDIE PORN, LOCKS HIMSELF IN THE CLOSET... THE JUDGE IS COMING TO THE CLOSET... R. KELLY CAN'T GET OUT OF THE CLOSET... THE JUDGE IS OPENING THE CLOSET...

JOBLO HAS UPCOMING DVD RELEASE DATES. WITH PICTURES. I WOULDN'T LIE.

Also, visit DVDANSWERS to get some.

That's all for now. Go give candy to kids and join our map. If you missed what the hell I'm talking about, scroll down to it, or go to "JOIN THE SHEEP MAP" on the sidebar. We wanna see how far we reach.

Danke,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Celluloid Sheep Map

Hey folks,

So Warren Ellis, comic writer & angry-old-Brit extraordinaire, posted this beta site on his journal.

So we made one, too.

THE CELLULOID SHEEP MAP

Click on it and join it, so we can see how far and wide the sheep range. I'm sure we graze on pastures all across the U.S., we just want to know for sure.

As you can see, we've added it to the sidebar on the right, as well as made a clicky for e-mailing us, should you ever get up the nerve.

Join now!

Thanks ahead,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-28-05

Just in time for the weekend!

STEPHEN KING TO WRITE MORE "DARK TOWER" FOR MARVEL. FOR A WRITER WHO DOESN'T WRITE ANYMORE, HE SURE WRITES A LOT.

SULU FINALLY ADMITS THAT SPACE IS "SUPER! THANKS FOR ASKING!"

AS IF THE SUPERBOWL WASN'T ENOUGH, JANET JACKSON IS NAKED ON TAPE AGAIN. SOME JACKSONS JUST CAN'T STAY OUT OF THE NEWS.

RANDOM HOUSE SUED OVER "THE DA VINCI CODE", DAN BROWN PREPARED TO WRITE A CONVOLUTED STORY ABOUT IT.

PORKINS IS DEAD, LUCAS LOOKING FOR A NEW "RED SIX".

AS IF A NEW ROCKY WASN'T ENOUGH, STALLONE CONTINUES BLEEDING OUT HIS OTHER FRANCHISE.

MORE OF THE BATMAN CAST JOINS NOLAN'S NEW MOVIE, PERHAPS KEEPING THEM IN ONE PLACE WILL GET A SEQUEL.

SHOWEAST BRINGS KONG POSTER AND TRAILER, STILL NOTHING FOR THE REST OF US.

CLAIRE DANES, ODDLY ENOUGH, HAS A CAREER.

"MIAMI VICE" ACTION IS REAL, JUST ASK THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE MAY MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HIS F'N LIFE.

"MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH" TO BE REMADE, BOWIE STILL A BIGGER STAR THAN YOU WILL EVER BE.

TRUMP FIRES FOUR PEOPLE AT ONCE, STILL CAN'T COMB HIS HAIR.

BROOKE SHIELDS PREGNANT AGAIN, TOM CRUISE PREPARES FOR WAR.

ONCE AGAIN, NBC WOULD LIKE TO PICK MOVIES FOR YOU TO WATCH. THIS TIME, WITH VAMPIRES.

CREAM GETS TOGETHER AGAIN TO CALL IT QUITS. CLAPTON WONDERS WHY HE LEFT HIS HOUSE.

That's it, folks. Have a great weekend. Give out some candy, leave a comment, watch a scary movie, do something fun, dress up, refresh... it's all the same, just scarier.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Fright Sites & More

Here are a few more links to salivate over in your spare time. Most are Halloween themed.

BLOODY-DISGUSTING

ICONS OF FRIGHT

FANGORIA

THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF MICHAEL MYERS

THE HORROR CHANNEL

MOVIE CITY NEWS

SCI-FI WIRE

There ya go. You'll also find these on the sidebar soon. News to follow.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-26 & 27-05

Sorry for the breakdown yesterday. Too much to do and too little time to do it. As you can see, I can't even speel good animore. On with the funny.... err... news.

LUCY LAWLESS TO REPRISE ROLE IN T.V. MOVIE. NO, IT'S NOT XENA. IT'S MUCH, MUCH FUNNIER.

HE'S GONNA GO TO JAIL AGAIN, UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE.

NBC CHOOSES THE TOP 10 SCARIEST CHARACTERS ON T.V. FOR YOU.

HERE'S AN ASSLOAD OF NEWS, INCLUDING DARREN "REQUIEM FOR A DREAM" ARONOFSKY DIRECTING "LOST", NEW MOVIES STARRING LOTS OF PEOPLE, AND THREE HOURS OF "KING KONG".

COLIN FARRELL... IS STILL IRISH... IN... "THE NEW WORLD".

JERRY LEWIS STILL LOVES DEAN MARTIN, GETS IN LINE WITH THE REST OF AMERICA.

ELMO, MR. INCREDIBLE & GHOSTFACE ARRESTED IN HOLLYWOOD FOR "AGGRESSIVE BEGGING". ONCE AGAIN, THESE HEADLINES WRITE THEMSELVES.

LUCASFILM EXPANDS TO COUNTRY WHERE THEY STILL LIKE HIS MOVIES.

IRAN, IN A FIT OF GOOD TASTE, BANS ALL FOREIGN FILMS.

BUBBLE BUBBLE TOIL AND TROUBLE, HARRY POTTER 4 IN CANADIAN TROUBLE. (YES, WE RHYMED TROUBLE WITH TROUBLE. WE'RE LIKE THE BEASTIE BOYS OF BLOGGING).

IN HOPES OF FINDING AN EASY HEADLINE, YODA IS A TOOL.

IN CASE YOU NEEDED IT, HERE'S ANOTHER ARTICLE ON "WALK THE LINE".

COSTNER TO KILL PEOPLE.

BRAD PITT PLAYS JESSE JAMES IN ANOTHER MOVIE WE ALL KNOW THE ENDING TO.

SNIPES AND VAN DAMME TO MAKE MOVIE TOGETHER, NOT CALLED "BLADE IV: BLOODSPORT".

JOHNNY DEPP, USED TO DOING DRUG MOVIES, DOES ANOTHER ONE.

DILLON TO BE BUKOWSKI, DRINK ALOT, WRITE ALOT, SMOKE ALOT.

EMILIO ESTEVEZ CASTING ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE IN HIS NEW MOVIE. IN OTHER NEWS, EMILIO ESTEVEZ IS STILL ALIVE.

HERE'S THE "FINAL DESTINATION 3" POSTER, IN CASE YOU THOUGHT THAT FRANCHISE WAS OVER, LIKE THE REST OF US DID.

MATT VAUGHN, DIRECTOR OF "LAYER CAKE", WILL DIRECT NEIL GAIMAN FAIRY TALE, BECOME KNOWN FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN QUITTING AS DIRECTOR OF X-MEN 3.

BUFFY MOVIES MIGHT BE MADE DIRECT-TO-DVD, SAVING VAMPIRES TIME AND MONEY.

COSCARELLI POO-POOS NEW PHANTASM TRILOGY, WANTS TO MAKE SEQUEL TO "BUBBA". BRUCE CAMPBELL CASHES ANOTHER CHECK.

"CULT" SHOW ABOUT "CULT FANS" OF A "CULT SHOW" TO BE "CULT SHOW" WITHIN A "CULT SHOW", WILL PROBABLY GAIN A "CULT FOLLOWING".

DOCTOR ZHIVAGO LIKES TO PUNCH PEOPLE, SAY HE DOESN'T.

BAD SINGER TO ALSO BE A BAD DANCER.

ROLLING STONES DIG UP RARE TOONS, KEITH RICHARDS' ORIGINAL SKIN, SELL 'EM BOTH TO STARBUCKS. (OR: ROLLING STONES MAKE SECOND DEAL WITH THE DEVIL).

JANET JACKSON SAYS SHE DOESN'T HAVE A DAUGHTER, ASKS MICHAEL TO STOP CALLING HER "MOMMY".

STILL A SPOILED, STUPID, FILTHY SLUT, PARIS HILTON IS BACK IN THE NEWS AGAIN.

MASTER OF HORROR ON SHOWTIME OWNS YOU.

"JEWISH DAVE MATTHEWS" IS A HIT AMONG THE CHOSEN PEOPLE. "HITLER DAVE MATTHEWS" IS NOT.

AS USUAL, A BUNCH OF STILL ALIVE PEOPLE ARE MAKING A CD WITH A DEAD GUY. DEAD GUY UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT.

That'll do us, folks. See? Miss a day and everything's CRAZY! Enjoy.

Post, comment, refresh. Visit our friends on the right. Live up to someone's expectation. Anyone's. Please.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-25-05

Late news today from the wacky west. If ever I get a moment to breathe without e-mails telling me to ban "Miami Vice" and "Memoirs of a Geisha" due to their "racial stereotyping", I will live a little. In the meantime, THAR SHE BLOWS!

HERE'S AN ANIMATED PIXEL GIF OF STAR WARS: EPISODE IV, IN ITS ENTIRETY!

SCARED OF THE 'BROWNCOATS' YET? NO? BETTER CLICK THIS LINK THEN. SUCKER.

ABC TO BRING REALITY MUPPET SHOW, PROBABLY WON'T BE ABOUT KERMIT & MISS PIGGY'S INTER-RACIAL RELATIONSHIP. PROBABLY.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MOVIES PICK "GOODFELLAS" AS BEST MOVIE EVER.

"IRON MAN" MOVIE MIGHT NOT GET MADE, BUT TOM CRUISE HAS A $1.5 MILLION HOUSE IN TOLEDO.

ANDERSON COOPER AND SHEPARD SMITH ARE GAY...RIGHT...NEXT YOU'LL BE TELLING ME THAT TOM CRUISE OWNS A $1.5 MILLION HOUSE IN TOLEDO.

"CALVIN & HOBBES" CREATOR CONTINUES TO SPEND EACH AND EVERY DAY DOING NOTHING.

IN A SURPRISE TURN OF EVENTS, THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT HO-HO-HO'S HIMSELF 6 FEET UNDER.

C.C. DEVILLE GOES TO PRISON, HIS ROSE WILL FIND ITS THORN (AND BY "ROSE" I MEAN ASS, AND BY "THORN" I MEAN PENIS).

MICHAEL MOVES TO BAHRAIN TO MOLEST LITTLE BOYS...I MEAN...LIVE.

MARIAH CAREY'S ASS CAN'T SIT WHERE OTHER ASSES HAVE SAT.

That's good for now. Maybe we'll have some more later.

Until when?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Pitchfork, et al

We're constantly adding links to our sidebar over on the right, so keep checking it out. We've added some new music links, as well as some more fun stuff in the misc. section.

Here's a taste:

PITCHFORK MEDIA

HOMESTARRUNNER

COLLEGEHUMOR

URBAN MYTH RECORDINGS

And MORE!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-24-05

Finally a relaxing weekend, and now we go head-long into the news...

AXE-FACE TALKS CASH

PENGUINS DON'T MARCH FOR GOD. GET YOUR OWN MOVIE. ANYBODY HAVE MEL GIBSON'S CELL NUMBER?

PALTROW PREGNANT AGAIN, APPLE TO POSSIBLY GET AN ORANGE, BE COMPARED.

"SIN CITY" AND "ROUNDERS" TO COME TO T.V.? DON'T I STAY HOME ENOUGH?!?

ZACH BRAFF COULD BE NEXT FLETCH, CHEVY STILL ON VACATION.

BROKEN LIZARD HAS A THIRD MOVIE CALLED "BEERFEST", JUST IN TIME FOR PEOPLE TO STOP QUOTING "SUPER TROOPERS".

LUCAS TOO RICH, SPENDING MONEY MAKING "STAR WARS" T.V. SHOWS FOR 2007.

NEW ROMATIC COMEDY SPOOF MOVIE STARS PEOPLE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT & FRED WILLARD.

"CRY_WOLF" COMING TO DVD. DID YOU SEE IT IN THE THEATER? NO ONE ELSE DID EITHER.

"THE MAN" COMES TO DVD IN JANUARY, COMPLETE WITH SAMUEL L. JACKSON TEACHING YOU HOW TO SWEAR.

FOXX WANTS FANTASIA FOR "DREAMGIRLS", SAYS HE'LL READ THE SCRIPT TO HER IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES.

CRUISE & HOLMES TO BUY $1.5 MILLION HOUSE IN TOLEDO. IN OTHER NEWS, THERE'S A HOUSE WORTH $1.5 MILLION IN TOLEDO! (OR: SCIENTOLOGY COMES TO OHIO!) (OR: BATTLEFIELD TOLEDO!)

"LOST" ALLOWS MORE PEOPLE TO LOSE MONEY.

"FANTSTIC FOUR" SEQUELS, AND "BAMBI 2: MOM OF THE DEAD".

CAM'RON TAKES ONE FOR THE TEAM, THROUGH BOTH ARMS.

CELINE DION WANTS ANOTHER BABY, FIRST ONE NOT THE BEST BABY IN THE WORLD.

That's about it. You know the drill. Click. Refresh. Click. Refresh. Visit our friends on the right. Leave a comment. Click. Refresh.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-22 & 23-05

The weekend brings the most boring news ever. Grats.

KUBRICK'S 2001 EXPLAINED. NOW IF THEY'D ONLY DO THIS FOR DAVID LYNCH.

CHECK OUT THIS HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE STUFF. NOW.

HOBBITS ARE REAL! FIND MY PREEEEEECIOUS!

BLOODRAYNE POSTERS HIT THE NET, CREATING MORE DISCUSSION ON HOW THIS FILM WILL FAIL.

"ERAGON" HAS A CAST AND SOME SORT OF POSTER, WRITER STILL WAITING TO GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL.

"PORKY" FROM "OUR GANG" IS DEAD. IN OTHER NEWS, THERE WAS A PORKY IN OUR GANG.

NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY MADONNA, CAMERON DIAZ TEACHES A STANFORD CLASS, COMPLETES A FULL SENTENCE WITHOUT THE HELP OF DREW BARRYMORE OR LUCY LIU. TIMBERLAKE SURRENDERS.

BRITNEY SPEARS THINKS PEOPLE WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF HER BABY.

HEY! GUESS WHAT! THEY CAN MAKE CRAP CARTOONS IN INDIA, TOO!!

GOD SMITES ANOTHER AUTHOR, BRINGS GARLIC AND A STAKE WITH HIM THIS TIME.

Great news on that front, right? That's OK. She hasn't written a good book in 10 years.

Back to work, you worms!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Physical Site Update 10-21-05

Hey folks,

Just wanted to let everyone know that we've been hip deep in code for the past few hours, making some changes here and there to the site.

As you can see, the bar at the top is silver now. That wasn't hard. Just changing the pace a little.

Also, we've made the sidebar on the right easier to navigate for the links. We've broken them down into sections:

People
Film & T.V.
Studios
Fan Sites
Music
Video Games
News
Misc. Links

We've added a bunch more as well. If you have favorite entertainment related sites that aren't listed here, leave a comment with the link and we'll check it out.

Our goal is to be your one-stop entertainment shop, with links to all of your favorites, as well as new material of our own. Tell your friends and your enemies.

Also, if you have a review of a movie (big screen or DVD), t.v. show (little screen or DVD), live music event (or CD), theatre performance or book (paper or -on-tape), send it to us HERE.

Thanks for stopping by,

-constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Dead Or Alive?

Ever wonder if a certain celebrity, politician, musician, sports figure or the like were alive or dead? Here's the quickest way. I'll add it to the sidebar a little later.

DEAD OR ALIVE?

Morbidly Yours,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Cash In Review

There is no greater compliment to a great man than the words of his son.

JOHN CARTER CASH SPEAKS OF HIS FATHER

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-21-05

Ride your little deuce coop into the compiled news for Friday.

TOP 10 BEST AND WORST SHOWS YOUR KIDS WATCH WHETHER YOU WANT THEM TO OR NOT

TOP 100 TOYS YOUR PARENTS NEVER BOUGHT YOU

THE ONLY LITTLE GIRL IN HOLLYWOOD SIGNS ON FOR NEIL GAIMAN FILM, WINN-DIXIE GIRL PISSED.

"CREEPSHOW" GETS REMADE TO SUCK. THANKS, AMERICA.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR FINALLY GETS SOME WORK, INCLUDING AMERICAN MCGEE'S ALICE. FREDDIE STILL WISHING PEOPLE WATCHED HIS SHOW

"ALL THE KING'S MEN" BUMPED TO DECEMBER 2006, SEAN PENN FINALLY HATES JUDE LAW TOO

MORE NANCY, MORE HARTIGAN IN SIN CITY 2, BRUCE WILLIS CHECKS CLOSET FOR BLACK AND WHITE CLOTHES

"'V' FOR VENDETTA" SNAGS AN "R" FOR RIDICULOUS (OR: "R" FOR RAPE OF A GOOD COMIC) (OR: "R" FOR VIOLENCE & LANGUAGE)

TINA FEY RETURNS TO SNL NOT FAT ANYMORE

ENTERTAINMENT ICONS AS CHOSEN BY PEOPLE IN EXPENSIVE SUITS WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU OR GOD

COMMENTARY ON VIDEO GAME MOVIES... THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE SPIRITS WITHIN

DICK WOLF, STILL PISSED AT THE SHITCAN OF "TRIAL BY JURY", MAKES OTHER SHOWS, SWIMS IN HIS MONEY BIN

That's it. Enjoy your weekend. Several new things to come.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-20-05

Back with a vengence.

UMBRIDGE CAST IN POTTER 5, VERA DRAKE DID IT FOR MONEY

THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON GETS A DIRECTOR, TRIES NOT TO GET LOST IN THE SAHARA

PHOTOS FROM SOUTHLAND TALES, THE NEW RICHARD KELLY FLICK NOT CALLED DARKO 2: DONNIE BOOGALOO

JAMIE FOXX HAS AN ALBUM, NO REPORT ON WHETHER HE'S REALLY BLIND OR NOT

ZAPPA BOOKS BOUGHT BY DISNEY, IN RESPONSE FRANK USES IT FOR TOILET PAPER IN HELL

SHATNER GOES TO HOSPITAL, SCOTTY PREPARED TO BEAM HIM UP

A DECADE OF UNDERRATED MOVIES FOR YOU NOT TO WATCH AGAIN

BURTON AND BONHAM-CARTER ARE A LAUGH RIOT, OR AT LEAST WILL FIND ONE TO REMAKE

FANTASIA PISSES OFF ONLY NON-DEPRESSED FURNITURE GUY IN HER HOMETOWN

SHELLEY WINTERS HAS HEART ATTACK, STILL CAN'T SEE PETE'S DRAGON

DAFOE GETS NAKED AGAIN, JESUS LOVES YOU

"STICKY FINGAZ" GETS BUSTED WITH HIS FINGAZ ON A GUN. THIS STUFF WRITES ITSELF.

Oh, and if you don't know, Madeleine Albright will be making a guest appearance on GILMORE GIRLS for Rori's 21st Birthday. If that doesn't scream "SEX!" I don't know what does.

Not knowing what does,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-19-05

Oh yes! It's NEWS! From around the world! Sweet Sassy-Mollassy!

LATIN MTV VMA'S MOVED DUE TO HURRICANE, PRESENTERS GO BACK TO DOING YOUR GARDENING

9TH SEASON OF SOUTH PARK, 8TH SEASON OF OLD JOKES

RAY WINSTONE SAYS JOLIE AND PITT ARE ENGAGED, MR. & MRS. SMITH RECEIVE NEW CONTRACT

RUPERT MURDOCH SELLS HIMSELF ON EBAY, STILL NOT FAIR OR BALANCED

KUTCHER NEEDS TO STOP "PRODUCING" ANYTHING. EVER. PLEASE. GOD.

MADONNA SURPRISES FILM STUDENTS, DOESN'T BLOW WATER BOTTLE

RIDLEY SCOTT SHOPS WITH ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN, OWNERS WISH THEY OWNED IT

BANDERAS GETS STAR ON WALK OF FAME, STILL THINKS "HAIRBALL" JOKE BEST PART OF SHREK 2

POPE SCREENS POPE MINISERIES, CAN'T WAIT FOR ACTION FIGURES AND SEQUEL

That's it, for now. Keep refreshing and coming back for more. Leave some comments. Talk smack. Start a community. Eat, drink and be Mary, 'cause she's hot.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-18-05

It's still raining, and there's still news. Always 'refresh' and always comment. ENJOY!

OUR AICN BUDDY QUINT INTERVIEWS ROMERO!

MICHAEL J. FOX TO GUEST ON BOSTON LEGAL, JOINING EVERY OTHER STAR ON PLANET EARTH

RICK SPRINGFIELD RETURNS TO "GENERAL HOSPITAL" JUST IN TIME TO OPERATE ON JESSIE'S GIRL

THOMPSON ATTEMPTS TO PULL PLUG ON PENNY ARCADE, GET HIS QUARTER BACK

TOP 10 90'S SITCOMS, A MORE OBVIOUS LIST I CANNOT FIND

MR. SPEARS WANTS TO DANCE WITH POPPA JACKSON, SET FIRE TO MS. SPEARS' MONEY

HARRY INTERVIEWS DREW & SWAN ABOUT THEIR MOVIE-MAKIN'

TED KOPPEL SO HARDCORE IT TAKES THREE NEW ANCHORS TO REPLACE HIM

BOND DIRECTOR RUNS OFF AT THE MOUTH ABOUT CASINO ROYALE

ADRIAN PAUL MAKES NEW HIGHLANDER MOVIE, CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT SHEDS SINGLE TEAR

VIGGO SPEAKS SPANISH?

HENRY II: MICHAEL ROOKER COULD FINALLY PAY THE RENT

MOTLEY CRUE RELEASES DVD, KISS MIDGETS & OH WHO CARES...

DR. WHO GETS SPIN-OFF OF CAPTAIN JACK, K-9 PEES ON TARDIS CARPET

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES CREATOR ADMITS HALF-ASSERY

That's all for now. Give Clicky-clicky to our friends on the right. Stay dry.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

JARHEAD Review On AICN

The good folks at AICN printed another review of mine. This one of the new film by the director of American Beauty and Road To Perdition. It's a little war movie that you may be singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" or "Jesus Walks" to, thanks to the trailers.

CLICK HERE FOR MY REVIEW OF "JARHEAD" ON AIN'T IT COOL NEWS

News is coming within the hour.

Out,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-17-05

It's raining in California, and all you get is this lousy bunch of entertainment news.

X3 TEASER (read: just shoot me)

NEW X-MEN CARTOON COMING, PROBABLY BETTER THAN X3

SORKIN'S NEW SHOW IS A GO, NOT CALLED SPORTS NIGHT

EASTWOOD TO MAKE TWO WAR MOVIES TO AVOID KAMAKAZI

MICHELLE YOEH TO BE IN INDY 4, SHORT ROUND SUDDENLY HAS TIME FOR LOVE

DE NIRO LOVES BANANARAMA

ROLLINGS STONES CAN'T GET NO...DE-FIB-RIL-LA-TION...BUT THEY TRY...OH THEY TRY

DWARF IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT, PREFER "MUTANT"

LEMONY SNICKET COMING LIVE TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU, STILL NOT A REAL GUY

ANOTHER OBSCURE COMEDIAN DIES, SOLIDIFYING HIS OBSCURITY

DOLLY PARTON GETS POLITICAL 45 YEARS TOO LATE

MATT DAMON TO GET MARRIED, STILL HUNTING WILL

A KNIGHT'S TALE TWO: WE WILL ROCK YOUR CANOE

That's it for now. Check back later when we'll have "No Electricity" and "Poor Television Reception"

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-15 & 16-05

Gathering up speed over the weekend. We've got some great stuff lined up for the week ahead. We'll have reviews of JARHEAD, FUN WITH DICK & JANE, DOOM, TRUST THE MAN, GOOD NIGHT & GOOD LUCK, and WHERE THE TRUTH LIES... and possibly a review of TENACIOUS D in: THE PICK OF DESTINY, depending on whether or not I can get to Pasadena.

Anyway, here's some news for ya. Go see some movies, would ya?

BEATLES ONCE AGAIN RATE HIGHER THAN JESUS

KIRSTEN DUNST'S MOTHER LET A DEAD MAN SUCK HER FINGERS

REMEMBER WHAT WE SAID ABOUT iPODs AND PORNO? TOLD YA SO.

MONKEY MOVIE LOSES COMPOSER, GAINS COMPOSER, STILL ISN'T INDIE FILM

SPIKE LEE TAKES ANOTHER SHOT AT TURNING TRAGEDY INTO ENTERTAINMENT

AARON SORKIN TAKES ANOTHER SHOT AT T.V., CAST OF SPORTS NIGHT STILL SHOWING UP FOR WORK

BLADE FRANCHISE PREPARES TO TAKE ANOTHER KICK IN THE SACK

OLIVER STONE TO HAVE HIS OWN "LITTLE BIG HORN"... I THOUGHT IT WAS "ALEXANDER", BUT...

WEINSTEIN'S JUGGLE RELEASES FOR SOME REASON, LIKE WE CARE

TORI SPELLING IS GETTING DIVORCED...ONCE AGAIN, HER FATHER LOOKS TO BUY SOMEONE ELSE TO HAVE HER

EVER WONDER WHAT A "GAFFER", "GRIP" or "BEST BOY" IS? ME NEITHER, BUT THERE'S A BOOK ABOUT THAT SHIT

I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY... PACINO IS THE GREATEST ACTOR ALIVE...HOOOO-AH!

That's it for now.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Ball-less Wonders, Alien Children, & Curtain Pants

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless--as he's currently wanted for Eternian tax evasion--sent me this link the other day. And it's pretty fucking hilarious. It's a page-by-page look at a 1971 Sears catalog accompanied by appropriately snarky comments, a la "Mystery Science Theater". It's really a freak show just waiting to unfold before your eyes.

MARVEL at Men With No Sacs in Briefs!

WONDER at the Ugliest Toddlers in the Universe!

HIDE YOUR EYES from "The Sound of Music" Pant-Suits!

QUESTION THE LOGIC of The Belted Sweater!

COUNT the Minorities!


It Came From The Sears Catalog


Thanks, Orko. (Woops!)

Duncan out.

Compiled News 10-14-05

A lot of news today, most of it from the powerhouse AICN, but a few from the usual scattered sources.

MTV BUYS iFILM, SHITS ON ANOTHER GOOD IDEA

RICH NAKED DRUNKEN TALENTLESS PORNSTAR FIRED BY FOX, WANTS TO SING!

DANIEL CRAIG IS JAMES BOND...SO JUDE LAW BETTER WATCH HIS WHORE MOUTH

CRAZY AMOUNTS OF DVD SETS HIT FOR $20... GET ALL THE CRAP YOU ALWAYS WANTED FOR DECEMBERWEEN

HARRISON FORD WILL BE CHASING ABE LINCOLN'S GHOST

WANT AN AQUA TEEN MOVIE? JUST WAIT 'TIL MARCH TO GET YOUR MEAT IN A WAD

DANNY ELFMAN VS. SAM RAIMI IN A STEEL CAGE

SPIELBERG AND EA TO MAKE THREE GAMES, STOP MEN EVERYWHERE FROM TAKING OUT THE TRASH

CARELL TO DO HIS OWN COMIC, STILL A VIRGIN

ALBA WANTS TO BE BOND GIRL, DUNST TO STOP RUINING SPIDER-MAN FRANCHISE

PENGUINS MARCH ON DVD NOV. 29TH, BECOME AMERICA'S NEW BABYSITTER

40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN GETS LAID ON DEC. 13TH

CRUISE DOESN'T WANT A BASTARD, MAY FLEE TO MEXICO - VEGAS NOT AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT

PENN SAYS UNDERWATER MAGIC SHOW IS A GO, TELLER DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING

LES PAUL RELEASES ALBUM, CAN'T FIND A GOOD GUITAR

CLAPTON WRITING MEMOIRS, EXPECT PROSE ABOUT HOW WONDERFUL YOU LOOK TONIGHT

STEVIE WONDER RELEASES NEW ALBUM, STILL CAN'T SEE

McCARTNEY'S NEW ALBUM TOUCHES ON WIFE'S DEATH, NEW WIFE'S LEG

That's about all I can take at the moment.

Keep on keepin' on,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

In The Vein

Another quickie for ya today...

In the vein of the old internet favorite HOT OR NOT...

I introduce you to AM I ANNOYING?

Now blow the rest of your work day shitting on people.

Or go to COAST TO COAST AM and feel the political burn.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Siegfried Vs. Roy -- The Quickening

So I guess one of Roy's bodyguards filed a lawsuit... better get to Vegas before they unleash all the beasts.

ROY BODYGUARD CLAIMS SIEGFRIED DOPED ROY AFTER TIGER MAULING

OK, but what's the problem?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

SHINING & Star Wars 7 - 9

MAN-AT-ARMS just sent me these links. He's apparently too busy building pipe bombs in Eternia and chasing tail to post 'em himself. I had the "shining" one a while back, but lost it. The other one I hadn't seen at all. So here:

THE SHINING: A FAMILY FILM

and

PLOT SUMMARIES FOR STAR WARS: EPISODES 7 - 9

Enjoy.

Also, there are still again several more links over on our right side. Give 'em the clicky-clicky.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-13-05

Here ya go...

NEW iPOD HAS VIDEO, T.V. ETC. FOR YOUR PORN ON THE GO

PETER MAYHEW BECOMES AMERICAN CITIZEN, STILL CAN'T GET MEDAL AT END OF EPISODE IV

PINTER WINS NOBEL PRIZE, PAUSES

JOSH HOLLOWAY & WIFE ROBBED AT HOME, ROBBER THE ONE GUY WHO HAS NEVER SEEN "LOST"

GUY BUYS $2,500 WORTH OF TICKETS FOR "SERENITY", STILL CAN'T GET A SEQUEL

IAN FLEMING GETS HIS OWN MOVIE NOT STARRING PIERCE BROSNAN

CHRIS KLEIN FINALLY TALKS ABOUT TOM & KATIE, STILL DOESN'T CALL HER A FRIGID WHORE

EMINEM'S LAST ALBUM DROPS ON DEC. 6TH, ONLY 37 MORE RETIREMENT ALBUMS TO GO

PETER JACKSON'S DIARIES TO BE AVAILABLE FOR THROWING YOUR HARD-EARNED CASH AT

That's it for now. We'll have plenty of stuff later. I just like finishing the news section on a headline ending with a preposition.

OUT!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Ain't It Cool - Memoirs Of A Geisha

Hey folks,

Quint and the good folks over at AICN posted my review of Memoirs of a Geisha, so I won't put the review on this site, but I'll link to them, because they are far more important that I am.

CLICK HERE FOR MY MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA REVIEW

(It's the second one... the "Smart-Ass" one. That's quite a compliment, Quint. Thank ya!)

They also put a shout out to our wittle sighty-wighty on there, too, so welcome all of you Ain't It Cool readers! Leave comments, talk smack, if anybody doesn't get a review up on AICN, feel free to send it to us and we'll see what we can do. We write our own commentary, reviews, etc., on anything entertainment related, and we compile news every day from all of the best sites. Send us a shout when you get the chance.

Today's compiled news is coming, and our own Jerrica Benton will chime in a little later with more reviewy-type stuff.

Thanks for stopping by, and thanks again, AICN,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-12-05

Lots of rumors floating around today.

Here's a fact, and let me be the first to tell you...

The Fox series BONES has been picked up for this season, even though they won't be showing new episodes until November. It's a good show, which you need to watch. 'Nuff said.

Daniel Craig (A Kid In King Arthur's Court), once again, is the frontrunner for Bond. THIS story in THIS IS LONDON says it's a fact. I guess we'll see.

NAKED HARRY POTTER! NAKED HARRY POTTER!

BRITNEY SPEARS HIRES HUSBAND'S EX TO WATCH KIDS, KILL HER IN HER SLEEP

HONEY, I SHOT MY HORSE: RICK MORANIS HAS A COUNTRY ALBUM

FLY AWAY WITH THE BATMAN RUMOR MILL!!

STRANGERS WITH CANDY FILM KICKED OUT BY WB

WHAT DOES LUCASFILM NEED? A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE, OF COURSE

NEED ANOTHER ROCKY MOVIE? SLY DOES!

NEED ANOTHER AUSTIN POWERS MOVIE? NO. BUT CHANCES ARE...

NEED ANOTHER SCREAM MOVIE? WES CRAVEN DOESN'T. F U DIMENSION.

As always, thanks to our friends at AICN, DARK HORIZONS & CHUD. Always visit these sites... every single day. They're the best.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-11-05

Here's a bit of dirt for you nappers...

As you may or may not know, the new director of Mission Impossible: 3 is Lost's J. J. Abrams. Sure the film still stars Tom Cruise and Ving Rhames, but the better news are the other people who have signed on to, more than likely, work with J. J..

Philip Seymour Hoffman (My Boyfriend's Back)
Laurence Fishburn (Pee-Wee's Playhouse)
Billy Crudup (Princess Mononoke)

... to name a few... but they just signed somebody else to be even MORE excited about... SIMON PEGG! That's right, ladies and gents... our hero of SHAUN OF THE DEAD will be in MI:3!

Let's see... other stuff...

Oh yeah... Effective January 31st, 2006, the first THREE SEASONS OF THE X-FILES will drop in price to about $34.99 a season. That's a nice $70 discount for people like me who waited so patiently for YEARS for it to come down in price. And it's a big smack in the face to you suckers that already got it. The only difference between the sets will be that the new, cheaper ones will be in the thin slipcases instead of the big boxy boxes.

More...

SMURFS ARE NOT LOVED IN BELGIUM

HARRY POTTER IV WILL BE LONG

PALTROW'S BROTHER MAKES A MOVIE WITH ARTHUR DENT, SHAUN OF THE DEAD & GWYNETH

Hasta La Vista,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

How It Should Have Ended

Here's a linky-link to play with for awhile.

These folks have decided to play around with movie endings to make them... "better"?

Hmmm...

HOW IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED

Also, as you may have noticed, we update the links on the right side panel all the time to include more and more good sites to check out. If you think we've missed any, or you know another, or whatever, let us know, and we'll check it out.

In the meantime, make Celluloid Sheep your homepage, whydontcha? We've got EVERYTHING YOU NEED!

OUT,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Online Film Journals

For those of you that follow these things, here are the director's journals / websites for the following projects:

Peter Jackson's KONG IS KING
(for King Kong)

Bryan Singer's BLUE TIGHTS
(for Superman Returns)

Disney's NARNIAWEB
(for The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe)

and, of course,

Kevin Smith's TRAIN WRECK!
(for Clerks 2: The Passion of the Clerks)

See ya on the other side.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-10-05

Another week, another dollar. Thanks for tuning in. You can't stop the signal. Let's see, Katie Holmes (soon to be Kate Cruise) dumped her publicist and picked up, obviously, Cruise's sister. So, in Scientology terms, she's third tier or something else completely made-up. Oh, and Cynthia Nixon will do a guest spot on Fox's "House", if you're into that. She likes playing patients, I think. She had a nice turn on "ER" last season. All the rest is stolen with love...

HOLLYWOOD QUITS!

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MAKERS OF THE NEW JAMES BOND FILM

CHARLIE ROSE INTERVIEWS SCORSESE, DOESN'T ASK HIM WHY HIS LAST THREE MOVIES SUCK

THE WEEKEND BOXOFFICE SHOWS THAT GOOD MOVIES STILL AREN'T MAKING ANY MONEY

WALLACE & GROMIT: THE CURSE OF BEING THE NUMBER ONE MOVIE AND BURNING ALIVE

NOT SMART? NEED HELP KNOWING WHAT AN OSCAR QUALITY FILM IS? NBC WANTS YOU TO CHECK THESE OUT

That's the news for now. If you get a chance, catch Clooney's new film: "Good Night & Good Luck".

Also, Wednesday, we'll have a review or two of "MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA". So, look forward to that.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-9-05

Here's the best of the beat for this fine Sunday afternoon.

THE WEINSTEIN CO. LEAVES WITH 15 POTENTIAL FRANCHISES... INCLUDING A HALLOWEEN REMAKE?

BOCHCO TO TAKE THE REIGNS OF GEENA DAVIS

TV SHOWS GET THE AXE, INCLUDING DON JOHNSON & ROBIN THE BE-NIPPLED BOY WONDER

SOME STAR WARS PRODUCER TALKS ABOUT THE T.V. SHOW IN 2007, AS WELL AS ANIMATION AND STUFF LIKE THAT

DAILY SHOW TO HAVE MUSICAL GUEST(S), RUIN A GOOD THING

WEST WING DEBATE BETWEEN M.A.S.H. & L.A. LAW TO BE LIVE

ELVIS COSTELLO DOES OPERA

WILL N'SYNC MAKE ANOTHER RECORD, OR WILL THEY JUST CONTINUE RAKING IN THE CASH FROM THEIR OLD STUFF?

FANS MAKE FIONA APPLE RELEASE A NEW RECORD

Much thanks to all of our friends in the right hand column.

That's all for now. Keep doing stuff and reading things and write once in a while, eh?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-8-05

The weekend is crap for news. Here are some bits stolen from our good friends at AICN, as well as some randomness.

ENDER'S GAME MOVIE TALK

THE PRODUCERS POSTER

STILL ANOTHER NEW KONG POSTER

LINDSAY LOHAN IS A FILTHY DRUGGED OUT LIAR

SNIPES AIN'T THAT BABY'S DADDY

JESSICA BIEL ISN'T A MAN, ACCORDING TO ESQUIRE

BOY GEORGE IS STILL AN IDIOT, 20 YEARS LATER

BRITISH LIBRARY PUTS SOME BOOKS ONLINE

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY PICKS 15 ASS-KICKING BABES

ROCKSTAR GAMES MAKES VIDEO GAME OF OLD CULT MOVIE

OK, so I guess there was some interesting stuff around.

BOW DOWN,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Two For The Money

Here's the thing... I saw this movie a couple of months ago. It has that little known indie actor I like so much, Al Pacino (Dick Tracy), in it. Not to mention Matthew McCognagogney (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation), who I think of as a brother, if not a doggie rescuer. If he would only keep his clothes on and smoke a little less weed, maybe he'd be married to Sandra Bullock (Who Shot Patakango) instead of Frank James... or Jesse James or Cole Younger... whoever.

So this movie... hmmm... Two For The Money...this movie... well, it's based on a true story, just like 95% of the movies of 2005. It's about a guy who makes picks for sports betting in Texas, and then is hired by Pacino to come to New York to work for the biggest sports betting firm on planet Earth. He does really well for awhile, then starts to lose it, and the line between good guys and bad guys gets blurred. Women are sleeping with men, men are working out, there's a lot of football on the t.v. and Armand Assante (Mrs. Columbo) lives on an island.

That's pretty much the lowdown on this flick.

Oh, and Pacino says, "TAL-ONS". You know... bird claws... but separated with a hyphen, it seems.

I enjoyed this movie as much as anything I see for free. It has solid performances by the lead actors, including Jeremy Piven (Body Chemistry II - The Voice Of A Stranger) -- playing a prick, imagine that -- and Rene Russo (Matlock) -- who seems to be tossed in here in case she needed to buy bread that week or something -- she's mildly important to the story, but any dame would do.

What this movie does, instead of telling this formulaic story, is it explores the psyche of the better and the bookie. Pacino's character, on the outside, is the pseudo-Godfatheresque guy making McCognagogney an offer he ought not refuse, but the movie really isn't about their relationship, so much as it is about the inner demons of Pacino.

That's what makes the movie interesting. But I'm not sure director D.J. Caruso (Taking Lives) really had much to do with it. It's solely built on Pacino's performance and his interactions with McCognagogney and his wife, Russo.

We see a man on top of the world, and at the same time being torn apart. He's successful and a failure. He's trusting in one turn and paranoid in another. It really is a wonderful performance, but the film doesn't lend itself to help. Instead, it continues to try to push at the McCognagogney character as some sort of protagonist, even though there are obvious flaws.

This film is sort of like The Color of Money. That film, contrary to some belief, isn't about Tom Cruise at all. It's about Paul Newman getting back in the game. It's about overcoming personal problems to get back to what you know. The Color of Money, however, actually did this. Two For The Money doesn't. It leaves you with a bit of a taste in your mouth, that is something akin to Frank's RedHot (read: annoying and hard to get out).

Did I just give mad props to a Scorsese film? Write that down.

But the film is at times funny and overdramatic, as well as personable and enjoyable. It's a fun "rise and fall" sort of film that tries to walk a more prestigious line than it is allowed to, though deep down I think it really wants to.

I'll see anything Pacino does, and to hell with all of the Pacino-haters out there. He's always fun to watch, whether he's huge or subdued (and don't say he's never subdued, 'cause that means you didn't see Insomnia, and that's just lame), and I am really starting to enjoy McCogna...fine... Matthew McConaughey. I believe pretty much everything he says, and I think he has a latent honesty in his work that is hard to find in Hollywood these days.

Check this one out when you have the time between seeing Serenity over and over again.

I give this one 7 1/2 Celluloid SHEEEEEEEP!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-7-05

Not too much news this morning... We'll keep posting as we find stuff out. Here's a small does of love.

BATMAN MANSION DID NOT, IN FACT, BURN TO THE FRICKIN' GROUND
(No thanks to Alfred who fell asleep with a stoagie in his mouth on the lawn next door. Drunk again, no doubt.)

THE X3 TEASER TRAILER BREAKDOWN
(In case you missed it and have an imagination)

Sock it to me,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

"Serenity" Preview

Here ya go, folks... don't say I never did nothin' for ya.

THE FIRST NINE MINUTES OF SERENITY

Clicky, clicky. Be amazed. And see it if you haven't already. And see it again if you have. This movie needs to make bank. GO. NOW. MULTIPLE TIMES.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep
Thanks to AICN.

Compiled News 10-6-05

What do we have today? Serenity DVDs, Alien Pregnancy, Kong, Gay Harry Potter, the remains of Wayne Manor and a new director for the John Carter of Mars epic. Thanks to AICN, CHUD and the rest.

SERENITY DVD TO BE OUT IN DECEMBER

THE CRUISE MISSILE HAS FIRED!

ROWLING RIVAL CALLS POTTER "GAY"

FIRE GUTS T.V.'S WAYNE MANOR

"JOHN CARTER OF MARS" GETS AN ELF MAKEOVER

TEASER POSTER FOR KING KONG

Compiled News 10-5-05

Like a hail of off-color bullets, the strange entertainment news just keeps coming this morning. We've got death, divorces, sex and live theatre, OH MY!

NIPSEY RUSSELL IS DEAD

JESSICA SIMPSON AND NICK LACHEY GET A SWEET DIVORCE!
(Finally, some GOOD news...especially for Nick)

BRITNEY SPEARS HAS A SWEET SEX TAPE!
(I hope she's 8 months preggers in it and eating cheetos)

YEARS AFTER RELEASE, SHOWGIRLS FINALLY WINS AWARD
(Along with plenty of other crapfest sex scenes... Thanks, God.)

ORPAH IS PRODUCING A "Color Purple" MUSICAL!
(Somewhere Spielberg is spinning in his grave... err... wait)

JULIA ROBERTS TO ACT...LIVE!
(This is obviously a play about a horse, otherwise she couldn't play the lead, could she?)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE TO ACT...IN LONDON!
(Thanks, Kevin Spacey. You've taken it upon yourself to give Justin Timberlake the kind of credibility that N'Sync couldn't provide him)

LOHAN CONTINUES TO BE A REALLY BAD DRIVER
(It must be nice to blame "Paparazzi" for being a shitty cocaine-addicted driver)

BOND DIRECTOR TALKS
(A younger Bond = younger bond girls = wait... didn't this guy direct the new Zorro movie?)

NEW DISASTER MOVIE TO BE AN OLD DISASTER MOVIE
(Roland likes to blow things up, but how well will he do it with sticks and rocks?)



-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 10-4-05

Informative bits of randomness on an otherwise boring Tuesday. As always, click on the linky to go the story, and then hop around whatever site it sent you to. Every place we steal tidbits from are very much worth your time and will greatly appreciate all the hits they receive from us once they slap that first lawsuit.

SPIELBERG FINALLY CASTS SOMEBODY IN INDIANA JONES 4

PETER "DEAD ALIVE" JACKSON TO PRODUCE "HALO" FILM WITH FRAN WALSH

AFI'S 15 BEST MOVIE SCORES OF ALL TIME

NIC CAGE NAMES HIS KID AFTER SUPERMAN

KEVIN SMITH SPENDS A DAY OR SO SLAPPING TALKBACK POSTERS ON AICN

ALSO, SMITH WILL NOT BE DOING FLETCH

PLAYWRIGHT AUGUST WILSON IS DEAD

COMEDIAN RONNIE BARKER IS ALSO DEAD

OUR FRIENDS AT I-MOCKERY.COM HAVE BEEN ORDERED TO CEASE & DESIST BY SESAME STREET FOR WRITING A REVIEW.

HARVEY DANGER RELEASES FULL ALBUM VIA BITTORRENT

TARA REID WANTS TO PROVE SHE'S A "GREAT ACTRESS"

ROMERO WANTS TO MAKE SIX "...OF THE DEAD" MOVIES

NEW "HARRY POTTER and the GOBLET OF FIRE" POSTER

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss Of The Sheep

Domino

Movies, movies, movies. I’ve seen a few. I go to screenings all the time, because I like going to see movies for free, and to get the lowdown on stuff that won’t be out for awhile. It makes me feel important. I’m not. But it makes me feel that way.

Having rambled in my first paragraph, I’ll get down to my review of the new Tony Scott film Domino. It's "based on a true story.... sort of."

Here’s what you need to know… this is the first film since Donnie Darko that Richard Kelly has written that will see the screen. It’s directed by Tony Scott (Beverly Hills Cop II) who likes to use flash cuts and grainy film stock, as well as stark, blanched colors and jump cuts. Yes, I said flash and jump. Anyway, be aware of the style and the writing.

Domino stars Keira Knightley (Thunderpants) as Domino Harvey, daughter of Laurence Harvey, from the original Manchurian Candidate, who decided early on in life that she didn’t want to be a model or a sorority girl and would rather spend her time being a bounty hunter.

She joins Mickey Rourke (1941), Edgar Ramirez (El Nudo) and Delroy Lindo (Beauty And The Beast), bounty hunters so well-known that Christopher Walken (Pennies From Heaven) wants to do a television show about them. They team up with Beverly Hills 90210’s Brian Austin Green and Ian Ziering, playing themselves, to catch bad guys and be famous.

It works, for the most part, and through-out they run into all sorts of unsavories, as well as some mafia-types who want some money that was stolen, and a mob boss that talks in an underwater hover pod so the feds can’t listen to his conversations.

There are special appearances by plenty of folk, which I won't spoil, because we all love cameos, but I will say that the most annoying host of "It's Showtime At The Apollo" since Rick Aviles (Joe's Apartment), Mo'Nique (You Lie Like A Dog), is in the film, and she has a spirited turn where she coins a new phrase for racists all around the world. The entire scene was completely random, but mildly amusing. You'll know what I mean when you see it. Let's just say... it's a talk show. Hosted by a guy. He was the mayor of Cincinnati. I think you get it.

Several bits of the film takes place while Domino is being questioned by Lucy Liu (Coach), an F.B.I. agent who likes to sharpen pencils into glasses of water for some reason. They have clever dialogue back and forth, and then some more things happen and there is "sort of" a resolution. See that? "Sort of". I like to bring things back around.

Here's the thing... this is a fun movie... good action, good actors, decent story, etc. Since it's based on a real person, and she worked closely with the filmmakers (albeit less since she overdosed in her bathtub a few months ago), I have to believe that her life was a lot like this. Sort of.

First off, the REAL Domino Harvey was a lesbian, which, unfortunately for Keira Knightly fans, she isn't in the film. Luckily, however, in the cut I saw, as with several other Keira Knightley films, you still get the obligatory boob shot, which should make up for her not kissing other women to her fans.

Mickey Rourke, as usual, is great in the movie. Mickey's had about 37 comebacks over the years, and I'm glad he's still making movies. He's a hardass's hardass. I'll watch Mickey read a book. That's how interesting I think he is. And in this film he has TATTOOS! And GUNS!

The rest of the cast is OK. Walken is funny doing his "Walken" thing. It's another paycheck film for him where he shoots one day, gets paid and goes back to banging whores, or whatever it is somebody like Walken does when he isn't making every single film produced in a year.

The soundtrack is something that I really liked about the movie, but since it was a screening, I'm betting it doesn't stay that way. I noticed several songs lifted from other films, namely: Fight Club. The soundtrack was great, and worked well with the film, but I doubt it will stay intact.

I like Tony Scott's direction every once in a while. I couldn't watch his movies every day, but once a year or so isn't bad, as long as I've had enough time to recoup my retinas and stop my seizures.

Richard Kelly is a talent, and I'm glad he's getting back on the writing/directing horse with Southland Tales. I'm excited to see that. There is no way to compare Darko to this, especially from a writing standpoint, so I just won't. They are two completely different films, and both, in my humble opinion, are good.

To conclude, Domino has some good action, and characters you are lucky enough to care about. There is an overt wit to the film, a satire almost, of reality television, and it carries the film on its blatant shoulders from time to time. There are moments when you almost wish Tony Scott didn't have to explain every single thing that was happening, because it can feel like he's dumbing it down for you, but they are few and far between.

I think this film could be solid hit. Not much of worth is opening against it this weekend. So, if you haven't seen Serenity yet, check out Domino. It opens Friday, Oct. 7th, 2005.

I give the film 7 out of 10 CELLULOID SHEEEEEEEEP.

-Constable Kreegal